(group of socialites-in-training exit cab)
Yuppie with dark round glasses: Here's your tip, cabbie.
Cabbie: Oh, great.
Yuppie: Well, fuck you very much.
Cabbie, driving off: Screw you, Harry Potter!
–Canal & Orchard St
Overheard by: Jynx
(group of socialites-in-training exit cab)
Yuppie with dark round glasses: Here's your tip, cabbie.
Cabbie: Oh, great.
Yuppie: Well, fuck you very much.
Cabbie, driving off: Screw you, Harry Potter!
–Canal & Orchard St
Overheard by: Jynx
Guy holding unlit cigarette: Hey, got a light?
Woman exiting building: You're standing outside a cancer hospital, asshole.
–York Ave & E 67th St
Overheard by: quitalongtimeago
Guy #1: Wait, so they make oranges out of meat?
Guy #2: No, they just call that part “the meat of the fruit.” There's no actual meat involved.
Guy #1: That's retarded! Who comes up with this shit?
Guy #2: I guess the people who grow the shit.
–Mott & Canal
Conductor #1: We are sorry for the delay, there is a stalled e train at 7th Avenue. We will be going uptown on the…uhm…which line are we going on?
Conductor #2 (exasperated): I have no fucking clue.
(train laughs)
–E Train
Overheard by: So how am i getting home?
Guy rushing past crowd: Why would I go to work on the day of Barneys Warehouse sale…are you insane?
–78th & Broadway
20-something white guy: Enough of this hippie shit. Let's go to the four floor Abercrombie.
–Strawberry Fields
Overheard by: Alison
Girl: I was so depressed. I actually almost bought that leather jacket from Express. Whose bright idea was it to have the MCAT testing center in a shopping district?
–1 Train
20-something woman to another: Wow, it's just like the Westchester mall here, only outside.
–Bleecker & W 10th
Very Caucasian tourist: Holy frick! Where is The Gap?
–42nd & Broadway
Middle aged woman in hot pink, yelling: I won't shop today! I will not shop! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I will not fucking shop today! I won't shop! Fuck you!
–Urban Outfitters
Black guy: That show was so white, I just wanted to bomb the place.
–W 49th & Broadway
Overheard by: Erin
19-year-old street vendor: Well, pipe bombs are easy…but they do a lot of damage.
–Chinatown
Guy dressed in sequined jacket, screaming on escalator: I can't fucking believe this fucking shit. They have no fucking radios. What K-Mart got no fucking radios? No fucking radios! (after a long pause) I'm gonna bomb this muthafucka to the ground.
–K Mart, 8th St
Overheard by: I Didn't Know the Unibomber Got a Makeover
Man on phone: Do you know why they bombed on 7/11?
–50th St & 9th Ave
20-something girl to friend, after large explosion is heard: Well, I'm from Detroit, so when I hear things like that it doesn't even bother me.
–Union Square Holiday Market
Overheard by: isa
Woman, as a grungy guy walks by: Whenever I see sullen long-haired bearded men in army jackets I am afraid something is going to get blown up.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Urban yout' #1: There was cake, yo!
Urban yout' #2 (in sobbing yowl): Caaaake?
Urban yout' #1: Nigger, there was cake! There were two cakes up in that shit!
Urban yout' #2: Yo, that is fucked up! (in small, sad voice) Good cake? What kind?
urban yout' #1: Nigger, these were good cakes. You should have gone, yo.
Urban yout' #2: Fuck. Cake.
–33rd St & 6th Ave
(large group of rowdy ghetto teens gets on train, one sits and begins eating a hamburger)
Girl: Yo, why do white people be thinkin' niggas like tomato on they sandwich?
Guy friend: I dunno.
(girl begins throwing lettuce and tomato on the ground)
Old man across the train: You're disgusting!
Girl: Hey, fuck you!
Guy friend: Yo, he just called you disgusting!
Girl: Well, he can kiss my ass!
Guy friend: Them's fightin' words on my block.
Old man, exiting train: Oh, go back to ghetto, you piece of shit!
Girl: That's exactly where we goin', muthafucker!
–6 Train
Overheard by: ahhh, New York
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: Tom Brady is the best quarterback in the NFL.
Skinny Asian guy: I don't think he's the best, but he's pretty good.
Attractive, tall guy: He's no Joe Montana.
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: That's bullshit, he's the best ever, and you can't really argue that point. Just look at how many touchdowns he has.
Skinny Asian guy: Man, you are in love with him, it's a little scary.
Supposedly straight guy from Boston (completely serious): I am, I would totally let him fuck me if he would let me hang out with him…I would be the man.
Skinny Asian guy: I thought you were straight?
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: Fuck you! I am straight but that doesn't mean I can't bang Tom Brady. I wouldn't give him oral though, I don't think.
Overweight Hispanic guy drinking appletini: Football sucks compared to soccer.
–45th & Madison
(conductor makes muffled announcement)
Girl #1: (gasp)
Girl #2: What did she say?
Girl #1: “Stand clear of the closing doors, bitch!”
Woman nearby: I think she said “please”.
Man: I like their version better.
–A Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Headline by: Dawgn Heat
Runners-Up:
· “Dave Chappelle’s New Job As Subway Conductor Poses Some Problems” – Andrew
· “It Could Have Been, “Bitch, Please!” and Everyone Would Have Been Happy” – Jared Rizzi
· “Ludacris Finds Himself Unexpectedly Inspired” – SmR
· “Makes You Wonder What Charlie Brown’s Parents Were Really Saying” – Jeff
· “You Have to Use Profanity to Be Taken Seriously in New York” – KAC
