Wednesday One-Liners Use American Psycho As Porn

Suit: Did they tip their 45s to their homies?

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: SuperVixen

Suit on phone: 500 milligrams? That's nothing. First, you need to start looking at the definition of possession…

–Broadway & Reade

Suit to little son: I need to teach you the difference between "homos" and "hobos." You'll understand easily, (giggles) …not much of a difference.

–Doctor's Office, Carrol Gardens

Suit on phone, snickering: Your posts are turd sandwiches!

–4th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: ris

Suit on cell: I say go for it. You're rich, she's hungry. What could be more perfect?

–47th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Adrienne

Posted on October 21, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Education, Families, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Homeless, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Office, On Cell, Questions, Street, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

Watch Your Mouth! Grandma Only Did That Once.

Black boy: This hobo offered me some weed today on the train.
Mother: Did you take it?
Black boy: Yeah. She kinda looked like grandma.

–Jamaica Center, Parsons Blvd & Archer Ave

Posted on October 20, 2014
Boys, Family Ties, Homeless, Kids, Moms, Queens, Weed

She's a Proctologist, Betsy.

Mother: What do you mean by “she's obsessed with him”?
Five-year-old daughter: Cause she's all like…up his butt!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Green Star

Posted on October 18, 2014
Ass, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, Staten Island, Words

Emeril’s Secret Workforce

Mom: What was it we needed to do again?
Daughter: Get pepper for the zombies.
Mom: Oh, yes, right.

–5th Ave

Posted on October 18, 2014
Food, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Jesus Never Was Popular at Temple

Little boy, in silent temple: Hey, Jews! [Five minutes later] Oh, man, I just farted!

–Queens

Overheard by: Mo and Mell

Headline by: haz

Runners-Up:
· “And Moses Said to the Israelities: Pull My Finger” – Luddite
· “Little Hitler’s First Attempt at Gassing Jews….” – Allison Brown-Hancock
· “The Day the Jews Told Jesus to Make His Own Religion” – Alice
· “Would a Gas Chamber Joke Be Over the Line?” – wilkeson

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 17, 2014
Farting & Burping, Headline Contest Winners, Kids, Queens

Yeah, I Think We’re Going Back to Church, Honey

Little girl at Turkish booth, holding up one a glass evil eye: Daaaddyyy! I need this!
Dad: Honey, you don’t even know what that is.
Little girl: But the man said it would work if you believe, and I believe, Daddy, I really, really do!

–Columbus Circle Holiday Bazaar

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on October 17, 2014
Advice, Body Parts, Dads, Girls, Kids, Shopping, Store

I’m Sure a Hobo Has One Out Somewhere in the Store

Five-year-old boy to mother: It smells like penis in here!
Embarrassed mother: “Peanuts”. Honey, you mean “peanuts”.
Five-year-old boy: No. Penis! (points to his crotch)

–Duane Reade in Penn Station

Overheard by: Dawn D.