Eight-year-old girl drinking margarita: My daddy taught me in kindergarten, if any boys treat me like s-h-i-t, kick them in the dick!
[Five minutes later.]Eight-year-old girl: I’m gonna kill myself!
–Mexican Restaurant near Union Square
Eight-year-old girl drinking margarita: My daddy taught me in kindergarten, if any boys treat me like s-h-i-t, kick them in the dick!
[Five minutes later.]Eight-year-old girl: I’m gonna kill myself!
–Mexican Restaurant near Union Square
Tourist kid #1 (reading MTA sign): “Be prepared. Watch the safety video on www.mta.com.”
Tourist kid #2: Ooh! Let's watch that when we get home!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Where are you from that considers that exciting?
Dad: Jesus, we're going to get mugged in here.
Four-year-old: Dad, what does “mugged” mean?
Dad: It means “assaulted.”
–Morningside Park
Overheard by: Leonard
Toddler, pointing: Boat!
Dad: That's not a boat. That's a church.
Toddler: Boat! Boat!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Not Noah
Small boy to grandfather schlepping packages: That's not the problem…you are!
Grandfather: I'm the problem?
Small boy, wailing: Yes!
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Suze V
Kid to another: And then, when you're 45, we can be tour guides.
–West Village
Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth
Tour guide: This tour will be in English, we have tour pamphlets in several other languages. If you are a non English speaking passenger, this announcement is of no use to you.
–Circle Line Harbor Lights Cruise
Overheard by: Trixie
Overexcited bespectacled tour guide leader to group of uninterested parents: So! That's the great thing, you know, about this school, is that it's not just you. It's the city, and the students, and the people, and the tourists, and… (starts to run out of things to say) the homeless people, and the squirrels… and pigeons! So, you see, it's not ever just you!
–Bobst Library, NYU
Tour guide on bus: Now over here we have Trump Towers. Donald is not in the building today, as he is out of country awaiting the birth of his next wife.
–Trump Towers
Father: Do you want some juice now? Want juice?
Two-year-old boy: Be patient.
–G train
Little girl: Mommy, hold me! I’m lonely!
Fat tourist mom: For Christ’s sake, Meghan, you’re almost four! You’re just going to have to be lonely sometimes.
–51st & 5th
Overheard by: Manhattman
Six-year old boy: What are we going to see tonight?
Harried mom: Hairspray.
Six-year old boy: What’s that about?
Harried mom: Crazy stuff.
Six-year old boy: It better be.
–Lafayette & Crosby
Overheard by: hair hopper
Suit on cell: No, I’m not coming in today…I’m on the Upper East Side. There’s all this traffic from the Pope’s "Don’t sodomize the kids" world tour.
–83rd & Lex
Guy at bar: Most Popes hate Jews.
–6th and D
Gamer kid: Yeah, I was in DC this weekend with the Pope… Yeah, I saw that muthafucka.
–218th & Park Terrace West
Overheard by: Kelley
Old lady, about young girl: Oh, she looks nice. She’s wearing Pope shoes.
–Carmine St
Overheard by: arctinus
