Teacher: What country do we live in?
First graders: New York!
–Blessed Sacrament School, 70th St
Overheard by: Fishy Ellie
Teacher: What country do we live in?
First graders: New York!
–Blessed Sacrament School, 70th St
Overheard by: Fishy Ellie
Little boy: Dad, who’s Mahatma Gandhi?
Dad: You don’t know who Gandhi is?
Little boy: No. Was he a sports star?
Dad: Something like that…
–Union Square
Five-year-old boy, smiling: Daddy, guess what.
Father: What?
Five-year-old boy: I do not love you. (giggles uncontrollably)
–Penn Station, NJ Transit
Overheard by: Jenn
Too-hot-to-trot mother: Yo, stop hitting me with that thing.
Bad-ass eight-year-old son: Ahhh… Shut up, you bald-headed bitch!
Too-hot-to-trot mother: Yo, shut up! My head ain't bald!
–125th & Lexington
Overheard by: wish i could beat other people's kids
Eight-year-old girl drinking margarita: My daddy taught me in kindergarten, if any boys treat me like s-h-i-t, kick them in the dick!
[Five minutes later.]Eight-year-old girl: I’m gonna kill myself!
–Mexican Restaurant near Union Square
Tourist kid #1 (reading MTA sign): “Be prepared. Watch the safety video on www.mta.com.”
Tourist kid #2: Ooh! Let's watch that when we get home!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Where are you from that considers that exciting?
Dad: Jesus, we're going to get mugged in here.
Four-year-old: Dad, what does “mugged” mean?
Dad: It means “assaulted.”
–Morningside Park
Overheard by: Leonard
Toddler, pointing: Boat!
Dad: That's not a boat. That's a church.
Toddler: Boat! Boat!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Not Noah
Small boy to grandfather schlepping packages: That's not the problem…you are!
Grandfather: I'm the problem?
Small boy, wailing: Yes!
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Suze V
Kid to another: And then, when you're 45, we can be tour guides.
–West Village
Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth
Tour guide: This tour will be in English, we have tour pamphlets in several other languages. If you are a non English speaking passenger, this announcement is of no use to you.
–Circle Line Harbor Lights Cruise
Overheard by: Trixie
Overexcited bespectacled tour guide leader to group of uninterested parents: So! That's the great thing, you know, about this school, is that it's not just you. It's the city, and the students, and the people, and the tourists, and… (starts to run out of things to say) the homeless people, and the squirrels… and pigeons! So, you see, it's not ever just you!
–Bobst Library, NYU
Tour guide on bus: Now over here we have Trump Towers. Donald is not in the building today, as he is out of country awaiting the birth of his next wife.
–Trump Towers
