Mom: I’m gonna throw you in the garbage! You’re driving me crazy!
Toddler slung over her shoulder: No, Ma! Don’t throw me in the garbage!
Mom: Then stop driving me crazy!
–Near Echo Food, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Yuu
Mom: I’m gonna throw you in the garbage! You’re driving me crazy!
Toddler slung over her shoulder: No, Ma! Don’t throw me in the garbage!
Mom: Then stop driving me crazy!
–Near Echo Food, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Yuu
Four-year-old kid, picking nose: Mom! Mom! [Kid holds out booger.]Mom: Where the fuck did you get that? Your nose? What the fuck do I want that for?
Four-year-old kid: Ummm…
Mom: That’s fucking gross! Drop that shit! [Mom grabs kid’s wrist and shakes vigorously until booger is dropped.] Now, give me a chip! [Kid gives mom a chip with booger hand.]
–A train
Overheard by: Adam Tetzloff
Child: Mommy, why do we have to take off our shoes?
Mom: Because that’s the kind of irrational world we live in, where little children have to take off their shoes.
–Security line, LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: jenya
Man on date: I probably shouldn't tell you this, but since I was little I had an imaginary friend named Picoletto.
Woman he's dating: Holy shit! You know Pico!
–McDonald's, Times Square
Overheard by: JP
Little kid with notebook: Mom, what is this called?
Mom: That's a notebook.
Little kid: Notebook! Notebook! I got a notebook! My Facebook! Facebook!
Mom, amused: How do you know about Facebook?
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Camillia*
Little girl: … And then she said that I had herpes.
Woman #1: Coño.
Woman #2: Where do kids get this stuff?
–Lincoln Center
Older man: You get on my nerves… You get on my nerves, and I do not want to be arrested for beating a child.
Kid, cheerfully: You won't!
–Staples, Broadway & 184th St
Overheard by: prefers them over easy
Little girl in stroller, pointing to fossil in subway wall: Look! A skeleton fish!
Mother: And what's another name for a skeleton fish? (pause) A dinosaur!
–C Train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Young boy #1: Today is the day your mother birthed you and you only got five dollars?
Young boy #2: We got troubles.
–Prospect Heights
Flustered woman, about her brood: Have we lost anyone yet?
Husband: Ummm… No.
Flustered woman: Well, who are we going to lose first? Because we haven’t lost anyone yet.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Josh
Headline by: Aeirlys
Runners-Up:
· “Because Abortion THIS Late in the Term Is Just Tacky” – Hillary Claire
· “Hobos Aren’t Born. They’re Made.” – Krisztina
· “It Looked So Much Easier in Home Alone” – You Don’t Want To Know
· “Things Were Shaky Until Fraulein Maria Came Along” – allison
· “Two Roads Diverged in the Woods – I Chose the One My Children Couldn’t Travel” – Drewp
