Store employee over loudspeaker: Attention shoppers. The time now is 9 pm. This store is now closing, please bring all your items to the front register.
Loud guy in the back: I don’t want to go home!
–238th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Mandy
Store employee over loudspeaker: Attention shoppers. The time now is 9 pm. This store is now closing, please bring all your items to the front register.
Loud guy in the back: I don’t want to go home!
–238th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Mandy
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to take this time to remind you all that there are four doors on this subway. Four doors. So when you’re waiting to board or exit the train and everyone is crowded around one door, just remember that there are four doors. Say it with me now… One… Two… Three… Four… Very good. The magic number for today is four.
–E train
Conductor, to guy trying to hold the doors open at the station: Sir, this is not your train. I repeat, this is not your train.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Firestarter
Conductor: People, this is not an "I think I can" moment! Please stand clear of the closing doors!
–1 train
Overheard by: anna
Female conductor on 3 train, when doors don’t close: In the rear, whatever you have hanging out, pull it in!
–3 Train
Overheard by: J-Mo
Train conductor, to someone blocking the doors: Sure, whenever you’re ready, we’ll move this train out of the station.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Murtwah
Conductor: Please stand clear the closing doors. [beep, doors close. Then they open again]. Please stand clear the closing doors. [beep again, doors close. Then they open again]. Please stand clear the closing doors. [beep again, doors close. Then they open again.] Get yo’ foot out a de do’ foo’!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nick
Teen cashier: I’ll need to see some ID.
Female shopper: Ok, here you go.
Teen cashier: [Looks at woman’s driver’s license.] Oh wow, so you’re an organ donor?
Female shopper: Yes.
Teen cashier: Oh my god! Which organ did you donate?
–Trader Joe’s, Union Square
Overheard by: rko
Customer: Can I get a cafe au lait, please?
Dunkin' Donuts store clerk, perplexed: Caf' what?
–Dunkin' Donuts, Park Place
Hobo to passerby: Sir, can you spare a thousand dollars?
Passerby: Haha… Oh you’re serious.
–21st & 3rd
Overheard by: Paul
Kid #1, to kid #2 on bike: Come on, let me ride on the pegs.
Kid #2: No.
Kid #1: Fine, I’ll ride you.
–129th St, Rockaway
Overheard by: Robert
Black guy in suit: Gimme a hug!
Black lady: I'll give you a hug once you pay me.
–Lexington Ave & 43rd St
Overheard by: dees
Big black guy #1: Yo, does anybody know where we get off to go uptown?
White passenger: The next stop.
Big back guy #1: Yo, everyone shut up and listen to the white nigga! He’s givin’ us directions!
Big black guy #2: Ain’t no such thing as a white nigga, fool!
–F Train
Teenager: Dude, my sister is always stealing her friends’ books, but like, sometimes no one has the book she wants, how much easier would it be if there was like, a Blockbuster, but for books.
–Blockbuster
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Did you bring something to read on the train? I’m trying to decide if I want to talk to you, sleep, or read my book.
–A Train
Overheard by: The Green Cat
Teenage girl: I need Romeo and Juliet. But do you have any with, like, the English on one side and Shakespeare on the other?
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Spoiled colleg girl to friend: My mom really wants me to get a nice big tote because she’s really worried about how I’m going to carry all my books. But I’m, like, worried if I’m even going to read my books.
–Outside Bloomingdale’s Dressing Room
Chick: So they called him up on stage, and they were like: "We want to bestow this honor upon you." And he was like: "It is indeed an honor, an honor indeed." And I’m all like: "Come on, like, I mean, seriously, like, who talks like that? Can’t you take it down a notch! Don’t you read US Weekly or anything?
–Starbucks, Woolworth Building
NYU girl to male friend: There’s almost something poetic about it, you know? Like, the 20-year-old Catholic virgin from Connecticut losing it to the older Ecuadorian lothario? Hell, I should just write a book about my life.
–NYU Dining Hall
Lady: Oh my god! Can you stop pushing?! That is so rude!
Hipster who pushed onto train: Get used to it. I’ll be doing this all week.
–6 train
Overheard by: used to it