Recorded voice: Ladies and gentlemen, we are delayed by train traffic ahead of us. Please be patient.
Grumpy old man, to self: That's a lie. There's no train ahead of us.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Recorded voice: Ladies and gentlemen, we are delayed by train traffic ahead of us. Please be patient.
Grumpy old man, to self: That's a lie. There's no train ahead of us.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Older man in crowded elevator: What does “metro” mean, anyway?
Wife, in a loud voice: Metrosexual?! Metrosexuals are men who dress well but aren't gay.
Older man: So I am a metrosexual?
Wife, still in a loud voice: No, I choose your clothes, so that doesn't count.
–Bloomingdales
Man: Is this the happy train? (no reply) Oh, this is the depressed train. Who wants spare change?
–N Train
Overheard by: ellen.
Big old Russian guy: So vhy you drink? You drink ven you are happy, and you drink ven you are sad. Me, I am either happy, or I am sad. So me, I am drinking all the time!
–Deli, 83rd & York
Overheard by: Zinny
Large woman on cell: I wanted to suck away your happiness, do you understand? I just wanted to suck it away!
–Grand Central Station
Girl on cell: Yeah, no. So then he pulls the rubber duck out of his (lowers voice) ass and says he loves me. Yeah, for the first time, I was so happy…
–B Train
Man on cell: She said I had to pay, so I shat in her mouth and left.
–34th & 5th
Three-year-old boy, looking overjoyed: I have to go poop!
–Store, 18th & Union Square West
Overheard by: i had to go, too!
Woman getting on train, giggling: I got a question…is there a pile of feces on this train?
–A Train
Elderly man on phone: Yesterday I coughed and shat my pants.
–3rd Ave & Fordham
Four-year-old boy, dancing: I like to move it, move it! I like to poop it, poop it!
–E 69th St McDonald's
Overheard by: Leslie
Brunette on cell: And then I told her, "hey hey, I'm not the fecal freak here. Don't go throwing poo at me." I mean really, I don't even like my own poo. I'm supposed to like hers?
–Williamsburg
Old man dressed in all red clothes to jogger passing by: Good morning!
Jogger: Good morning.
Old man: Want to wrestle? We can wrestle right over there.
Jogger: No, thanks.
–Riverside & 91st
Overheard by: Rocco
Older lady, with heavy Southern belle drawl: Excuse me, miss, is this Guatemala?
Sandwich shop clerk: What?
Older lady, indicating green condiment on her croissant sandwich: I really think this is Guatemala. Is it?
–51st St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Captain Zoom
Old woman #1: Didn't you know that Asian people just love animals?
Old woman #2 (aggrieved): Then why do they eat them?
–Court & Degraw
Old lady, tapping girl on the back: Girl! Get off the curb!
Preppy JAP: Uh, excuse me?
Old lady: Do you live in New York?
Preppy JAP: Um…yeah?
Old lady: Then get off the curb, and get off your fucking cell phone!
–1 Ave & E 84th St
Older straight woman with tiny dog: Is this place a Hotspot?
40-something gay man with bright pink shirt: You mean like a meat market?
–Starbucks, 12th St & 2nd Ave
Girl to friend: I know, man! I was like, "Expelliarmus!"
–116th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Bahnahd
College guy to his friends: If you use the word "status quo" in a paper, you're guaranteed to get at least an A.
–Cental Park
Overheard by: dizzle
Smug dude: He told me he needed a dictionary to have a conversation with me. I mean, just because instead of saying…um…like…well, instead of a short word…I use a big one.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ivory Girl
Old man to another: What's that word mean, "egotistical"? You blindsided me with that word! Egotistical!
–Reading Room, Bryant Park
Overheard by: Jessie
Woman on cell: You never heard of tilapia? You got to get out of the hood!
–St. John's & Classon
Overheard by: Mollie
