Wednesday One-Liners Are the Stuff of Myth

Really pissed mom: And do you know what size unicorn they tried on her first? Medium.

–Macy's

Cafe employee, about pastries: Those look like fairy testicles.

–HopScotch Cafe

Overheard by: bildita

Guy yelling to passers-by: You're all materialistic, yuppie, vampire kings!

–W4th & Cornelia

Overheard by: greg

Man on cell: So Santa Claus will be there?

–Broadway & Wall St

Woman: When she was a newborn she looked exactly like Yoda, and then she grew up into Dopey.

–Penn Plaza

Five-year-old boy looking out of window: Ahh! I hate the sun! Vampires hate the sun!

–Q Train

Overheard by: LoRna

Posted on August 6, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Balls, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Holidays, Insults, Kids, Magic, Men, Moms, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

The Inverted Boobies Make a Great Snack Tray

Guy #1: Yeah, I saw this chick that was almost hot.
Guy #2: Almost?
Guy #1: Yeah… all her curves were going the wrong way.

–E Train

Posted on August 5, 2008
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Guys, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Weirdness

And You Know I'm Limber Enough to Do It

(drunk guy attempts to do a split in the middle of the train car)
Woman: Oh wow, that's much better than I could've done.
Drunk guy: I will kill you.

–R Train

Overheard by: jangbang

Posted on August 5, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Guys, Murder, On the Subway, Threats, Weirdness, Women

Tila Tequila: “You Rang?”

Guy #1: Chris Noth is way better than Vincent D'Onofrio on Law & Order.
Guy #2: Yeah, but that's not to say that VD isn't great.
Guy #1: Well, yeah, I still fuckin love VD!

–1 Train

Overheard by: I believe that they are called STIs

Posted on August 5, 2008
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, On the Subway, TV

Just Be Thankful Your Imagination Stops There

Geeky kid #1: So they were talking about cremation, did you hear that for $10,000 you can get your ashes turned into a diamond, like for your nearest and dearest to wear?
Geeky kid #2: Imagine if your wife wore it while she fucked some other guy!
Geeky kid #1: It? Imagine if she wore you.
Geeky kid #2: The wench.

–L Train

Overheard by: Bea 61

Posted on August 3, 2008
Death, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Fashion, Infidelity, Kids, Marriage, Money & Class, On the Subway, Weirdness

They Have Nothing to Lose and They're Not Afraid to Die

Crazy guy: I don't give a fuck! I'll fight all ya'll muthafuckas! I'm from Brooklyn East New York, nigga! I'll fuck up every muthafucka in here…
Old guy: Bitch, you step on my shoe! I'll take my belt off and beat your ass with it! Look at my hair- it's grey! You don't talk to me like that, I beat your ass!
Crazy guy: Uhh… I don't fight old people–that's bad luck. (awkwardly exits car)

–1 Train

Posted on August 3, 2008
Crazies, Crazy, Default, Guys, Insults, Old People, On the Subway, Threats, Weirdness

King Lear Gets Foiled at Every Turn

(old man with granddaughters talking to young man next to him)
Old man: Do you think these girls are pretty?
Young man: Sure, they're pretty.
Old man: Should you like to go on a date with one of them?
Young man: I'm gay.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Brooklynisbetter

Posted on August 2, 2008
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Dating, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Questions

Even When They Know It, They Pretend Not To

Girl: So he's French.
Flaky girl: But has he ever *tried* to speak English?

–Q Train

Overheard by: where there's a will there's a way!

Posted on August 1, 2008
Default, Girls, History & Geography, Languages, On the Subway, Questions

What Is It with Tom Brady?

Guy #1: Yeah, she's going to marry him.
Guy #2: Wouldn't you?
Guy #1 (thinks a moment): Yeah.

–R Train

Overheard by: sara n.

Posted on August 1, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Marriage, On the Subway, Questions

Is Our Tourists Learning?

Blonde tourist (after swiping futilely a few times): How do I swipe this?
New Yorker (looks at card in tourist's hand): That's not a Metrocard, that's your room key.

–E Train

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on July 31, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Compare/Contrast, Default, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Tourists, Women

On the Subway

What Is It with Tom Brady?