40-Something man: Nice Kermit tie. Now all you need are Kermit socks.
50-Something man: But no one would see them! Plus, my boss would be mad I’m stealing all his cool. My Aunt Trudy used to wear funky socks like that, and whenever all the kids would be at her house, they would surround her and laugh at her socks.
40-Something man: That’s cool!
–A train
Overheard by: So iheart your face
Hipster girl: What’s bird flu?
Hipster guy: I’m not sure. I think you get it from chickens or something.
Hipster girl: My mom has chickens.
Hipster guy: Does she have bird flu?
Hipster girl: No, she has eggs.
–L train
Crazy guy, yelling: Macaroni and cheese! [No one responds.] With chocolate mousse on top! [No one responds.] Mashed potatoes and gravy! [No one responds.] George Bush is bringing peace to the world through strength and diplomacy!
Woman: Shut up!
–uptown 6 train
Overheard by: the fashionatrix
Indian guy: Hey, what country are you from?
Asian girl: Tibet.
Indian guy: So you live in Tokyo?
–F Train
Guy #1: Wait a sec, what train is this? What am I on?
Guy #2: I’m on your mom. That’s what I’m on.
–D train
Old lady: Why would anyone ever want to move to Queens?
–R train
Overheard by: mo
Suit on cell: Yeah, I know. Did I tell you about the dominatrix?
–49th & 7th
Little girl, to her mother: But why is the mummy all tied up?
–Egyptian Wing, the Met
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Hipster woman: So I think my father is into kiddie porn.
–UCBT, 26th & 8th
Overheard by: Tobster
Dude, to his female date: So, do you like to do anal? Come on, you can be honest. You’ve already blown me.
—Calle Ocho, 81st & Columbus
Overheard by: Sara
Girl: I like you. Just not in a toe-up-the-ass way.
–1 train
Overheard by: i like toes
Cute guy: I mean, shit. I was in a threesome with him. He has no right to judge me.
–34th & 8th
Girl: Whatever, it’s disgusting. I mean, you can cum in my butt but not in my vag.
–Q train
Woman: I have sex in my vagina, not in my bottom!
–Prospect Park
Asian valley chick: So, I bought this shirt? And it was like…it was like…it was like, a shirt? And it was really cool.
–N train
Two 12 year olds knock into a business woman.
Woman: Don’t you say excuse me?
12 year old #1: Shut the fuck up, bitch, ’cause I got my balls in your mouth.
Woman: But… but…
12 year old #2: Aww, bitch, you better shut up, ’cause he’s got his balls in your mouth.
–uptown 4 train
Overheard by: DVI
