White girl: Man, I’m sweating like a Jew in the Holocaust!
White guy: Yeah, and I’m sweating like a nigga on a rape charge.
–G train
Overheard by: hot and sweaty
White girl: Man, I’m sweating like a Jew in the Holocaust!
White guy: Yeah, and I’m sweating like a nigga on a rape charge.
–G train
Overheard by: hot and sweaty
Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!
–1 train
Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!
–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!
–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn
Overheard by: elwood
Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.
–Queens Center Mall
Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.
–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square
Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Melissa
Hipster chick: Girl! You got so fat!
Woman: I’m pregnant, you pinhead.
–F train
Overheard by: Braincurve
Husband, to wife: In all eyes I am above you. [God] says you must do everything I say without question. If you weren’t pregnant, I wouldn’t even feed you.
–D train
Overheard by: jason
New Yorker: Coney Island is fun if you like that stuff. I mean, there’s a lot of nationalities down there so their accents are all…They talk like the Sopranos. Do you know about the Sopranos?
Tourist: Um.
–R Train, 28th St
Overheard by: Nick McDowell
Boyfriend: Oooh, you look pretty in that dress.
Girlfriend: You’re revolting. Don’t touch me.
Queer buddy: Jeremy, this is your stop. Penn Station. Get out.
Boyfriend: No it isn’t. This is 96th Street.
Girlfriend: Do you have any idea how much I hate you? Stop touching me.
–Downtown A train
Overheard by: Shane
Guy: She’s just a friend I fuck. And she has a boyfriend.
Girl: Who sleeps with prostitutes who give him genital warts.
Guy: Shhhh.
–Astoria-bound N train
Overheard by: effie
Teen boy: So I was watching one of those independent channels, and I saw this weird movie called Jesus Christ Superstar. Have you heard of it? It’s from the 70’s, so the camera work is really bad, but it’s not in black and white or anything. The best part is that Herod is all big and fat and he sings this funny song, like, “You’re the king of the Jews!” It’s a pretty funny movie. You know, except they, like, kill Jesus at the end.
–Q train
Overheard by: A White Bear
Girl: You know, I don’t think Jesus ever asked Mary Magdalene to kiss his balls.
–1849 Bar, Bleecker St
Drunk guy: Jesus saved me already, you fucking cunt!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: braincurve
Chick: Whatever. I could’ve annihilated Jesus at beer pong.
–Trump Building, Wall St
Overheard by: You know who
Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?
–Key Food, 235th St
Overheard by: Miriam
40-Something man: Nice Kermit tie. Now all you need are Kermit socks.
50-Something man: But no one would see them! Plus, my boss would be mad I’m stealing all his cool. My Aunt Trudy used to wear funky socks like that, and whenever all the kids would be at her house, they would surround her and laugh at her socks.
40-Something man: That’s cool!
–A train
Overheard by: So iheart your face
Hipster girl: What’s bird flu?
Hipster guy: I’m not sure. I think you get it from chickens or something.
Hipster girl: My mom has chickens.
Hipster guy: Does she have bird flu?
Hipster girl: No, she has eggs.
–L train
