Trashy girl (loudly): So I was suckin his cock for like 45 minutes and nothin happened, I was like, “fuck yo problem?”
Friend: Word?
Trashy girl: For real! (turns to staring suit) Excuse me, this is a private conversation!
–A Train
Trashy girl (loudly): So I was suckin his cock for like 45 minutes and nothin happened, I was like, “fuck yo problem?”
Friend: Word?
Trashy girl: For real! (turns to staring suit) Excuse me, this is a private conversation!
–A Train
Yankees fan to Mets friends: When we go to the Yankees stadium I'll be like a retard at a Chuck E. Cheese.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Danial
Police officer in van, on loudspeaker: Move to the right! (people in cars ignore the order) Retards! You heard me! Move to the right!
–27th St & 10th Ave
Crazy guy, ranting: You can't have sex with people who aren't retarded because they charge too damn much!
–V Train
Overheard by: Ryan P.
Guy to girl: I never said that I wasn't retarded. Technically, I'm not a hypocrite.
–L Train
Overheard by: Julia
Heavily made-up girl: Do you think retarded people are, like, conceptually aware that they're retarded?
–6 Train
Overheard by: You tell me
Girl: The idea of a retarded Jack Russell Terrier is completely foreign to me, because as I recall, Wishbone was exceptionally well-read.
–Columbia University
Hipster chick: What are you listening to?
Friend: Sarah McLachlan. Are you mad? Sometimes I listen to Jewel too.
–4 Train
Hoochie: I’m really not looking forward to getting up at 6:30 to go to work.
Friend: Me neither. But remember: they wanted you to be a doctor.
Hoochie: Yeah, I’m doing it because they wanted me to. I’m so angry, I’m fumigating!
–Uptown 6 train
Girl #1: No, I gave it up. I don’t paint at all anymore.
Girl #2: No?
Girl #1: I never got anything at all out of it, whatsoever.
Girl #2: That’s too bad.
Girl #1: Yeah, it’s one of the most tragic things in my life.
–Manhattan-bound L train
Overheard by: Rick
Young ghetto girl: Mister, will you get that bag out of my face? That bag is in my face!
Asian man: It’s not in your face! It’s far away. Far away.
Young ghetto girl: Man, you disrespectful. That’s so disrespectful. I’ll slap the shit out of you.
–A train
Overheard by: jcm
Boyfriend: So, my buddy’s celebrating Rosh Hashanah tomorrow, and he said he’ll bring me some matzah ball soup.
Girlfriend: He’s celebrating what? And giving you what?
Boyfriend: Some Jewish holiday. Some Jewish food.
Girlfriend: Ah.
–2 train
Overheard by:
Thug #1: What is that?
Thug #2 with safe-sex gift bag: One of them dental dams.
Thug #3: What’s it taste like?
Thug #2, licking it: Mmm.
Thug #3 takes it, licks it: Mmm.
Thug #1: I swear, I need to leave you in the ghetto. Damn, can’t even take you niggas out to eat!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Can’t help you there
Conductor on PA: Excuse me, ma’am, maybe it would work better if you went to the next door — it’s less crowded. [Lady walks to next door, but before she gets there the conductor closes them.] Haha, bitch! Toot, toot!
–Crowded 2 train
Overheard by: CeLia
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, due to an earlier incident, all Sixth Avenue line trains are running over the Eighth Avenue line. Please be patient.
Confused tourist lady: What does that even mean? I don’t understand.
Suit: It means that if you want to take any of the trains on the orange line you transfer at the next station like normal, but instead of going downstairs you just wait on that platform for the train you want.
Middle-aged woman across aisle: They’re not orange line trains. It’s the B, the D, the F and the V. Real New Yorkers don’t call it the orange line.
Suit: Hey, lady, fuck you. There, is that New York enough for ya?
–E train approaching W 4th St
