Guy: So people ask me, “What am I?”, and I say, “Firstly, I’m a person and an American.” It’s such a contextual paradox. I just can’t explain it.
Girl: Huh?
Guy: I just said I can’t explain it, it’s a contextual paradox.
–N train
Guy: So people ask me, “What am I?”, and I say, “Firstly, I’m a person and an American.” It’s such a contextual paradox. I just can’t explain it.
Girl: Huh?
Guy: I just said I can’t explain it, it’s a contextual paradox.
–N train
Woman: Actually, now that I think about it, I guess I’ve had sex in both of the Sheratons.
–53rd & 7th
Overheard by: Erich Pelletier
Girl #1: When is she having the baby?
Girl #2: Real soon… I wouldn't be surprised if she had it today!
Girl #3: I hope it's a boy.
Girl #2: No. If it is, she's giving it up for adoption. For real. I stood over her and saw her sign the papers. She should've just gotten an abortion.
–L Train
Overheard by: Jayboi
Suit, after losing a sleeve button on escalator: Oh, motherfucker!
Pre-recorded service announcement: Have a nice day!
Suit: Yeah, fuck you too.
–E Train
Boy (shouting): Damn son, smell like train up in here!
Flaming gay guy: You aint smellin' like flowers either, 'kay?
–D Train
Grandma to kid: It’s really hard to kill people, you know.
–West Village
(20-something sits down and stretches his arms out in a yawn)
Man sitting one seat away: If you touch my leg I’ll kill you.
–1 Train
Middle-aged beefcake on phone: Oh yeah? Well he’s not trying anymore because he’s dead.
–42nd & Lex
Overheard by: bildita
Suit on cell: He was a great guy, until he decided to kill someone.
–Smith & Wollensky
Loud woman on payphone (very angrily): Well what the fuck am I supposed to do with her? Mausoleum? What? What the fuck?
–96th & Madison
Overheard by: grateful undead
Seven-year-old black boy: I’m goin’ to Iraq, to kill Obama!
–125th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: The Drummey
Crazy, loud hobo on train, repeating: “Jesus” is a six letter word! “666” means the devil! So, Jesus is the devil!
Fed-up passenger: Hey asshole, “Jesus” is 5 letters, not six!
Crazy hobo, pensive: Well, shit, there goes my whole argument.
–5 Train
Drunk middle aged man, grabbing wife's shoulder: Watch this! Nine months from tonight! Count it, people! She's going to have a motherfucking baby! Nine months! Niiiiiine months!
–E 9th St & University Place
Overheard by: NYUTSOA2012
Tween to grandmother: There's this girl in my class at school who had a baby around Halloween, and she named it Starlight. It's a baby girl.
–F Train
Overheard by: office peon
Hysterical teen: If I had nine months left to live I would have his baby!
–Gee Whiz, Tribeca
Train conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors! Especially if you got a baby and a baby carriage!
–Uptown 2 Train
Attractive brunette: There were dead babies in the tree. Like Christmas ornaments.
–96th & Broadway
Lesbian #1: Shh, don’t say that! Call it ordering out.
Lesbian #2: Okay, fine. We haven’t ordered out much lately, but do you still want to have sex with me?
–Q train
Suit on cell: Never make any decisions after drinking two pitchers of beer. After the first one, I was like "okay, this is what I'm doing." But after the second one, I ended up as director of the D.C. United Way. At first, I wasn't too worried, because I figured they'd give me a drug test, and I knew I wouldn't pass.
–6 Train
Hopeful-looking guy to concerned-looking guy: Basically, you're not ready to be an alcoholic, so you should stay away from alcohol.
–Polk St
Girl to guy friend: She's a great drunk. She's probably one of the best people to hang out with when she's drunk.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: T
Hawker: It's happy hour! Come on up, and I'll watch your kids while you get drunk.
–Planet Hollywood
Girl, during lunch: I'm not drunk anymore!
–W 4th & University Place
