Toddler: Mommy, this bathroom is dirtyyy! Mommy? What’s the cleanest place in the world?
Mother: I don’t know, that’s a good question.
Toddler: Well, I know that the dirtiest place ever, ever, ever, ever, ever is Chick-Fil-A.
–Restroom, Lunt-Fontanne Theatre
Overheard by: Not eating at Chick-Fil-A anymore
Hispanic toddler, whining: Daddy, I want a corn dog!
Hispanic dad, completely serious: I'm going to punch you in the face.
Hispanic mother: Coño!
–6th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jesse H.
Little boy staring at photo of upside-down, topless stripper: Daddy, what is she doing?
Visibly uncomfortable father: Uh… she’s exercising.
Little boy: But why is she naked? Is it because she got hot?
Father: Uh… yes. Let’s go find those Monets.
–MoMA
Overheard by: Alejandra
Son to father: Daddy, do they sell Spiderman clothes in here?
Father: No, I am pretty sure they don't sell Spiderman stuff in here.
Son: Yes they do!
–Victoria's Secret
Five-year-old son: Daddy, I'm really hungry.
Dad: (ignores him)
Five-year-old son: Daddy, I'm really hungry!
Dad: Well, then eat your head!
–87th & 1st
Park Slope dad: Do you know how to play dodgeball?
Eight-year-old son: No…
Park Slope dad: I throw the ball at you, and you try not to get hit.
Eight-year-old son: That doesn't sound like fun.
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Teen boy #1: You know what my mom does? She bathes in champagne.
Teen boy #2: Yeah?
Teen boy #1: It’s supposed to be good luck, you know?
Teen girl: What, does she just pour Cristal all over herself or something?
Teen boy #1: Nah. I think she puts it on a sponge.
–D train
Overbearing mother, discussing wedding registry: Get a teapot.
Obnoxious squeaky-voiced bride-to-be: But I don't drink tea!
Overbearing mother: Someone might come over who does. Get a coffee thing, too.
Obnoxious squeaky-voiced bride-to-be: But I don't know how to make coffee! That's what Starbucks is for!
–Bouchon Bakery, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: office peon
Hobo: When I point, everybody smell collard greens.
–6 train
Middle aged dude #1: My son has a black roommate, by choice. French black, but black just the same.
Middle aged dude #2: (silence)
Middle aged dude #1: He says the Asians are the funniest. He's in a band with some Chinese guys.
–Starbucks, Union Square
Overheard by: Tall Skim Latte
