Ozzie #1, leaving bar: We should like, go to church tomorrow.
Ozzie #2: Like in Harlem?
Ozzie #1: Yes! Church there is awesome!
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: AgnosticLocal
Ozzie #1, leaving bar: We should like, go to church tomorrow.
Ozzie #2: Like in Harlem?
Ozzie #1: Yes! Church there is awesome!
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: AgnosticLocal
Italian teen #1: Why don't we just wait in line like everyone else?
Italian teen #2: Cause we aren't like everybody else. We have fathers!
–W 3rd & Sullivan St
Overheard by: Ronnie
Boyfriend: Who tried to poison me twice already?
Girlfriend: Hehehe… that was funny.
–26th St & Lexington
Sanitation worker to hobo with cart full of bags: You going to throw them away?
Hobo: Naw, I'm gonna go and do my hustle.
–33rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
12-year-old boy to older brother, as they leave the theater: I liked that! I loved the ending! What'd you think!?
Older brother, shrugging: Eh, it was okay, I guess.
12-year-old boy: No! It was great! I was really rooting for the wicked witch!
Older brother: Dude, you're so queer.
–Wicked Theatre
Brunette meeting up with friend: Hey. You know your outfit is hideous?
Blonde: Yeah, I know.
–Manhattan
Jamaican woman: Just give me the fucking birth certificate and let me go!
Man: No! Did you just come here to fuck up my day?
Jamaican woman: We're on 23rd and 5th! Just give me the fucking birth certificate and my money!
Man: Why are you always trying to fuck me up like this?! I'm not giving you nothing! Leave me alone, I do not have to give you the birth certificate!
Jamaican woman: Fine! You take that birth certificate and put it where the sun don't shine!
(storms off, returns a minute later)
Jamaican woman: Now give me the birth certificate.
–Madison Sqaure Park
Overheard by: Anniemal
Brunette, looking at menu: What's cream sauce?
Blonde: I don't know, but I feel like it's really bad for you.
Brunette: Yeah, you're right. I'm getting fries.
–Cafeteria, Fordham University
Headline by: Derek
Runners-Up:
· “America’s Obesity Problem:” – catsandgnomes
· “Freshmen 15 Here I Come!” – james
· “Potatoes Are a Vegetable, Right?” – Skug Skellum
(horsey tourist girl walks right into tiny fashionista in giant Chanel sunglasses)
Horsey tourist girl, screaming: Was that really necessary?
Tiny fashionista, confused: You're the one who ran into me.
Horsey tourist girl, still screaming: There are 50,000 people in this city. Learn how to walk.
Tiny fashionista, calmly: Eight million, actually.
(horsey tourist girl stomps off)
Tiny fashionista, yelling after her: Your shoes are ugly!
–50th St & 5th Ave
Fat naked guy on cell in NYSC locker room: I'm just leaving the bank now.
–New York Sports Club
Girl on cell: Hello? Oh, hi mom. Yeah, yeah, it's really early here. Yeah, it's about two in the morning. Yeah, the Eiffel tower was beautiful. Yeah, right to the top. And then we had crepes, yeah.
–Columbia University
Guy at urinal: I'm walking toward baggage claim, where are you?
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Next urinal
Tweenybopper on phone: Hey, Xander? We're at my house. My mom says you and Corey can't come over. Sorry!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Grumpy old man, walking alone, on cell: I can't! I've got my grandson with me!
(pause) Bitch, why would I lie to you? (pause) Okay, love you too.
–Harlem
