Wednesday One-Liners Could Do With a Cuddle

30-something woman to female friend: I’m so happy to see you! I haven’t had sex in a couple of months, except for a few straight girls.

–Carroll Gardens

Smoking chick on cell: I haven’t had sex yet either…I’ll let you know.

–1020 bar, 110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Nilla wafer-eating chick: I don’t even understand why people have sex anymore!

–Columbia University

Guy yelling at a woman: Lady! Stop asking, I’m not having sex with you!

–34th & 6th

Guy on cell: Oh my god, do I need to say it? Fine! I promise I won’t try to put my penis in you. Okay?

–Avenue C

Overheard by: lingling

Guy on cell: That’s the thing about sex, it’s all in your head anyway.

–Union Square West

Overheard by: brita bit

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Lesbians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penis, Psychology, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Smokers & Smoking, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, White People, Women, Words

Be Sure to Take Pictures for Me!

Girl, handing phone to gay Asian friend: Here, talk to John.
Gay Asian friend: Hi, John… Are you naked? [pause] What? You are naked? In this weather?! Damn, man, your thing must be as small as a peanut by now!

–Borders Bookstore, 100th & Broadway

Overheard by: Stunned and literate

Posted on May 20, 2008
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, On Cell, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather

It Was a Danielle Steel Novel, But This Works Every Time

Creepy guy: I like your hat.
Girl reading: Thanks.
Creepy guy: Do you have the time?
Girl reading: Sure. 6:30.
Creepy guy: Can I ask what your book is about?
Girl reading: Female circumcision.
Creepy guy: No, can I ask what your book is about?
Girl reading: Female circumcision.
Creepy guy: Are you serious?!
Girl reading: Yeah.
Creepy guy: You enjoy that.
Girl reading: Thanks, I will.

–Q Train

Posted on May 20, 2008
Books & Writing, Compliments, Default, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity, Time

It’s Maryland’s Slutty Big Sister

California girl: Where are you from?
Jersey girl: New Jersey. You?
California girl: California.
Jersey girl: Oh, wow! I like California. It’s nice. California is like an exciting version of Maryland.

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Chiara

Posted on May 20, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Girls, Questions, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Now on to “Mary Had a Little Cab”

Toddler in grocery cart seat: Do you know any songs?
Toddler in adjacent grocery cart seat (singing): I’ve been working of the F train, all the live long day, I’ve been working on the F train just to pass the time away; can’t you hear the whistle blowing, rise up so early in the ‘morn, can’t you hear the captain shouting, “stand clear of the closing doors!”

–Food Coop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Brooklyn, Baby!

Posted on May 20, 2008
Default, Grocery Stores, Kids, Offers and requests, Park Slope, Public Transportation, Questions, Singing

Nor Would God.

Homeless guy: God is love and love is god! Give me money! Love like god does!
[five minutes later]Homeless guy: God is love and love is god! Give me money! Love like god does!
Passenger: I’ll pay you to shut up.
Homeless guy: How much? I won’t accept less than ten dollars.

–F Train

Posted on May 19, 2008
Default, God, Guys, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Strangers

…While Eating Ribs

Girl: What do you mean, you like her? Like, you-want-to-bone-her like-her?
Guy: Could you please not say that!?

–NYU Kimmel Student Center

Overheard by: A. Haven

Posted on May 19, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, NYU, Offers and requests, Questions, Sexuality, Washington Square Park, Words

I Was Filled with the Holy Spirit –Until I Peed.

20-something girl: … And then he drank the holy water, wait, no. I drank the holy water, and he got sick, but I didn’t.
20-something guy: Did it cure your gout?
20-something girl, angrily: I don’t have the gout!

–Crowded Elevator, Atlantic Ave Station, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tigertail

Posted on May 19, 2008
Brooklyn, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Elevators, Girls, Guys, Illness, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

It’s Not a Party ’til Steve and Lucky Show Up

Bald white guy: You know Steve, right?
Asian woman: Steve? Who’s Steve?
Bald white guy: Oh, he’s the gay guy with the three-legged dog.

–43rd & 9th

Posted on May 19, 2008
Asians, Default, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, White People, Women

Hmm, According to This, It’s a Musical

Guy: Wait, what part of New York is Chicago in?
Girl: What?! Chicago isn’t in New York! Chicago is its own state.
Guy: No, it’s not a state! It’s called the “windy city.”
Girl: Oh, right. I guess it is in New York then.
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Hang on, I’ll look it up on my blackberry.

–Fordham University

Posted on May 18, 2008
Blackberry, Default, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Names, NYC Geography, Questions, Stupidity, U.S. Geography

Questions