Four-year-old to his mom: Do you have a penis?
Mom: No.
Four-year-old: Yes you do. I know you do. I saw it!
–Lombardi’s Pizza
Four-year-old to his mom: Do you have a penis?
Mom: No.
Four-year-old: Yes you do. I know you do. I saw it!
–Lombardi’s Pizza
Drunk guy with thick NY accent: You girls… You girls are visiting the greatest city in the world.
Drunk tourist girls: [giggle.]Drunk guy with thick NY accent: You wanna know why? You wanna know why this is the greatest city in the world?
Drunk tourist girl #1: Why?
Drunk guy with thick NY accent: ‘Cause I can stand right here on the street and ask you to suck my balls.
Drunk girl #1: Um, you can ask us that anywhere.
Drunk girl #2: Yeah… We’re from Wisconsin and people there ask us that all the time.
–Thompson and Bleecker
Overheard by: I guess the Cheeseheads are more brazen than we thought
Girlfriend: Did you see his face?
Boyfriend: Yeah! Weird! He is so creepy!
Girlfriend: He must be Jewish.
–88th & York
Hipster: Why are you playing Tetris when you have me to talk to?
Friend, still playing: Shhhh.
Hipster: [Closes friend’s phone.]Friend, looking up: Things like that break up friendships.
–Broadway & Lafayette
Overheard by: Jer
[several jews are chanting and marching in times square, waving yellow flags.]Guy #1: What are they protesting?
Guy #2: I don’t know. It’s in hebrew.
–Times Square
Headline by: Q6
Runners-Up:
· “At Least They’re Supporting the Troops” – Eli
· “They’re Saying, “Can You Believe the Yellow Ones Were 50% Off?”” – seven5suited
Dumb girl: Oh my god! I just can’t concentrate …I need a bag of chips in order to listen to you.
Bimbette: Except I just had sex in the movie theater.
Dumb girl: Really!? What did you watch?
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Este
Professor, matter of factly: In next week’s film you will see a cock. And it will ejaculate. I hope that’s okay with you all.
–Cantor Film Center, NYU
Professor: I guess I can’t trust you guys to write papers on something scandalous. Good thing I brought a pornographic film for later.
–Manhattan Campus, Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Norma Desmond
Contracts professor: So do you think Paris Hilton is a sucker?
–Brooklyn Law School
Professor to class, as he writes on board: …Moro Islamic Liberation Front, known for its acronym. [A few students get it and laugh.]
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Krisztina one of the first to laugh
Professor: On this index card I’d like you all to write your name and major, as well as your career fantasies. I say career fantasies because when you graduate I’ll see you paying off your loans working at the kwik-e-mart.
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: Erum
Korean professor: Here’s how you calculate the intercept shit…
–NYU
English professor: You will find that English critical theory is the key to understanding not only literary perspectives, but also everything on YouTube.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: sromeo
Girl: As long as I don’t get that anthrax thingy I’m cool with the chicken.
–Elevator 112 west 34th st
Overheard by: Rebecca
Five-year-old: Why do babies look like chickens?
–Nederlander Theatre
Overheard by: Jordan
Man explaining menu to wife: You know fried chicken: the chicken with the crust.
–Virgils BBQ, 44th St
Overheard by: fish
Teacher, after seeing one of her seven-year-old students smell an empty subway seat: Sienna, there are 10,000 people a day sitting in that very seat. What do you think it would smell like? Chicken?
–F Train
Overheard by: Marlene Saunders
Woman to man: Everyone loves when you throw the chicken.
–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn Heights
Mother, to crying four-year-old trying to grasp her hand: If you don’t stop this behavior you are going to have to see a psychiatrist. [Child keeps at tantrum] This behavior is excessive and abnormal, and I don’t have the patience for it.
–Washington G Station
Stern bimbette: No. My fave dead therapist said that I need to make sure that I surround myself with people who are nice to waiters and their moms.
–Court Street & Joralemon, Brooklyn
NYU chick, calmly: So then I just had a teeny little breakdown!
–West 4th St
Woman on cell: So where are you? [pause] Is that "Therapy" the bar or therapy therapy?
–Manhattan Plaza Gym, 43rd St
Girl on cell: Don’t you think I’m a psycho? [pauses, laughs] Why not?
–Bedford and North 7th
20-something homo: Scientology is just like therapy except without the stigma of therapy.
–52nd & 9th
Overheard by: Trey Givens
African tourist: All New Yorkers are sexy! That’s why I love this city. Everywhere I go, sexy. The cops, the people…
–Broadway & Chambers St.
Metro newspaper guy: Hey sexy man, take a metro and be a lot sexier!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Dora Watson
Loud freshman boy, entering cafeteria with more freshmen: And she pinched my nipple, but it was sexy!
–Edward R. Murrow High School
Overheard by: Kris S.
Student commenting on a painting of Mary and Jesus by Raphael: In this painting Mary has a little more of a…I don’t know, sexual aura. Her face is more narrow, I can kind of see her breast. She has her leg bent in a sexy way kind of like saying "I’m not a virgin anymore".
–Columbia University Art Humanities Class
Overheard by: Going to Hell
Skanky mom to three-year-old son: Hey sexy!
–Central Park
Overheard by: riana
Businesswoman to another: Who’s your sexy hoe?
–33rd St & Park
Tween girl with science textbook: You don’t understand cloning? Okay, let me tell you about it. It’s sexy as hell… [later] I stayed after class to get him to teach me about meiosis and it was really hot. I got so horny!
–F Train
