Hipster to 50-something tourist who is blocking the way: Hey, lady, where you from?
Woman, proudly: Kansas.
Hipster: Well, Dorothy, this is not Kansas. This is Times Square, New York City, now get the fuck out of the way! (crowd cheers)
–Times Square
Overheard by: G-man
Announcer dude: People, get the Audio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there thinking, ‘I should have listened to that handsome, well-spoken man downstairs.’ You’ll be beating yourself for not buying the Audio Guide. And I don’t need that on my conscience.
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: George Carstocea
Daily News hawker: Sign up here for your free subscription to the Daily News! [Muttering] We’ll screw you later.
–Outside Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Mrs. Met
Guy selling comedy show tickets: Come on, have a ticket. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your MySpace page!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Punkgrrl
Top of the Rock promoter guy: Yeah, it’s supposed to be, like, the best view or whatever of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fellow promoter] Yo, man, you ever been up there?
–Rockefeller Center
Flyer dude: See the naked cowboy on stage! Sucking cock!
–46th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ashley
Guy selling newspapers: New York Post here! Daily News here! [He’s ignored.] New York Post here! Daily News! [Still ignored.] George Bush wins the lottery! [Still ignored.]
–33rd & 7th
Comedy club promoter: People, you gotta come tonight, because if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia!
–Times Square
20-something woman #1: Why don’t boys like me? Because of my snaggle-tooth?
20-something woman #2: No. Because you’re obsessed with The Snorks.
–Relish, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Justin Casement
Train conductor: (mumbling)
British suit: So you understood what he just said?
New Yorker: Of course.
British suit: Well, what did he say?
New Yorker: He said, “Shut the fuck up, you fucking foreigner, you're on a train and you'll be home soon.”
–1 Train
Overheard by: KeivonK
Twentysomething woman to friends: Yeah, I was thinking I should really google myself too, so I can finally like…
Friend: See what you do?
Twentysomething woman: Yeah!
–122nd, between Broadway and Amsterdam
Overheard by: amarg
Headline by: Del
Runners-Up:
· “Debbie From Dallas Will Be in For a Shock…” – BareNakedLady
· “Google: Solving Existential Crises Since 1998” – Ely Henry
· “Put a Towel Down First” – Kevin P
· “Stacy Finds Out What All Those Little Blinking Red Lights in Her Boyfriend’s Bedroom Were All About.” – danielle
· “Vanity, Thy Name Is Google!” – fester60613
Old woman to old man: So, where are you going?
Old man: To the doctor.
Old woman: Nothing terribly wrong, I hope.
Old man: Nah. (pauses) I'm just having trouble breathing, is all.
–Q49 Bus, Jackson Heights
Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.
–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.
–Henri Bendel
Overheard by: Stephan Dion
Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.
–Fashion Institute of Technology
Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: ednapontellier
Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.
–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place
Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?
–Broadway & 50th St
Overheard by: Peter
Chubby girl: I need to lose some weight before I go on vacation. What did you eat when you went on your three-day diet?
Anorexic girl: Uh…I didn't.
–Union Square
Bro #1: Hey man, you alright?
Bro #2: (vomits in corner)
Bro #1: You good to drive?
Bro #2, slurring: Yeah…
Bro #1: You got some shit on your chin! (makes wiping motion)
–East Village
Overheard by: arf
Guy drinking beer at 7 am, yelling: Hey! Is that a fried banana? Is that a fried banana?!
Girl, eating: No.
Guy: Oh, it's just a regular banana?
Girl: It's a cinnamon bun.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Samantha Chalek
