This Can Only End in a Duel

Train conductor: Mr Raymond Johnson, if you're looking for your wife, she's in car #6604.
Random guy: With me!

–2 Train

Posted on May 12, 2015
Default, Guys, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Relationships, Subway conductors, Three is Company

It Reeks of Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: When I point, everybody smell collard greens.

–6 train

Posted on May 9, 2015
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Eating Out, Etiquette, Fashion, Food, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Kink, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Port Authority, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, We Love Our Pets

Everyone Who Knows My Wife Feels This Way

English teacher: I tell her I can’t come to bed because I’m working. So basically, the definition [of a Penolopean web] is doing something to avoid doing something you don’t want to do.
Kid: Are you saying you’d rather plan our lessons than have sex with your wife?
English teacher: [Leaves the room.]

–LaGuardia High

Overheard by: ToMuchInfo

Posted on May 9, 2015
Relationships, School, Students, Teachers/Professors

Ad: Help Us Find a Cure for Male Refrigerator Blindness–Today

Boyfriend: Hun, where are the turkey bags?
Girlfriend: Hunny! They are right in front of your eyes!
Boyfriend: Oh, I see them, thanks.
Girlfriend: What would you ever do without me?
Male stranger: You would be a lonely bachelor like me.
Girlfriend: Oh! That's sad.

–Fairway Foods, 125th St

Overheard by: spencer dorn

Posted on May 8, 2015
Boyfriends, Food, Girlfriends, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Questions, Relationships, Strangers

No, I’m a Night Person, and She Was a Slutty Tramp Whore

Hipster boy: We used to be together, but it just didn’t work out.
Hipster girl: It wasn’t because of her eating out America?

–1 train

Overheard by: Shannon O’Toole

Posted on May 7, 2015
Eating Out, Hipsters, On the Subway, Relationships

A Mini, No Doubt

Guy: Hey, they have some with a vibrating cock ring!
Girl: Our sex life is complicated enough already.
Guy: But you know how I love little electronic gadgets.
Girl: I’ll buy you an iPod.

–Duane Reade, 7th Street & 6th Avenue

Overheard by: Calliope

Posted on May 5, 2015
Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Duane Reade, Penis, Relationships

…If He Knows What’s Good for Him

Loud girl #1: I don’t wanna go, what if I cheat on my boyfriend?
Loud girl #2: Whatever, he won’t care. He’s fat, he’ll get over it.

–Outside Pace University

Overheard by: Aaron

Posted on May 3, 2015
Default, Diet/Weight, Girls, Relationships, School, Students, Wishes & desires

Duane Reade Employees, on the Other Hand, Totally Raid Our Panty Drawers

Female customer: Does my ShopRite card work here?
Bored cashier: No, this is a Gristedes.
Customer: Well, I was just curious about their relationship.
Bored cashier: Like any good relationship, it's all about boundaries.

–Gristedes

Overheard by: bemused

Posted on April 30, 2015
Cashiers, Customers, Default, Grocery Stores, Philosophy, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Shopping, Women

It’s Because She’s with You “Til Canarsie”

Homeboy to Latina chick: My name is TC. You know what that stands for? Too Cool, Too Cute, or Too Crazy, you gotta find out which.

Latina chick says nothing.

Homeboy: You look depressed.

–L train, Morgan Ave.

Overheard by: Nick McD

Posted on April 27, 2015
Brooklyn, On the Subway, Relationships

Why, He’s the Best Hostage Negotiator NYC Has to Offer

Guy #1: I’m serious about the slightly racist comments, they go a long way in jokes.
Guy #2: You can get away with it, she’s your girlfriend.
Guy #1: Yeah if she gets really angry I just draw a penis or something saying “Hello *Jenny!” and then everything’s okay.

–Eastchester & Morris Park

Posted on April 26, 2015
Apologies, Default, Penis, Race, Relationships, The Bronx, Visual Art

Relationships