Old man: Because you know I love only you.
Young woman: I love you, too.
Random guy walking by: No he doesn't, he just wants your pussy.
–E Train
Overheard by: Ting
Old man: Because you know I love only you.
Young woman: I love you, too.
Random guy walking by: No he doesn't, he just wants your pussy.
–E Train
Overheard by: Ting
Unenthusiastic 20-something girl: So, uh, he’s officially my boyfriend now.
Friend: So does that mean you are officially putting out now?
–49th St & 8th Ave
Headline by: kk
Runners-Up:
· “Facebook Decides to Expand the ‘It’s Complicated’ Option” – betty
· “I Guess I’m Officially Cheating on Him Now Too” – Chris
· “No, He’s Still Getting Laid Under the Table” – Professor Coldheart
· “No, That’s Still Unofficial. I’m Catholic.” – c
· “Once My PR Puts Out the Media Release.” – winnie
· “When Government Overregulates” – Vasyl
Underage brunette: So, do you want to go somewhere else? I kind of want to stay because that guy is so hot!
Underage blonde: No, I want to stay here because my ID works here and I'm afraid to go somewhere else. Yeah, he is hot, it's weird that he's ignoring you.
Underage brunette: I know, right? I just want to go home with him tonight.
Underage blonde: Well, when we hooked up we had sex four times that night, you know?
Underage brunette: Yeah, I guess I need to get a little more drunk. Let's go.
–Bathroom, Heartland Brewery, Empire State Building
Overheard by: nycResident
Ghetto lady #1: He better be agreeing to giving me babies, cuz my eggs ain't be making no sperm.
Ghetto lady #2 (with hands on hips): Ummmm hmmmmm.
–45th & Park Ave
Overheard by: CC
Bank teller: Are you two married?
Asian girl and white man (angrily): Yes. Just.
Bank teller: You're so loving.
White man: Our marriage doesn't start until noon each day.
Asian girl: After two cups of coffee.
–17th St & 5th Ave
Gay guy #1: So, why do you think I'm your soul mate?
Gay guy #2: I never said I did.
–Gavroche, 14th St
Overheard by: Kenneth Creech
College girl to her boyfriend: Yeah, but you always make sexual advances on my roommates.
–Lincoln Center
Serious student: Yeah, well, I really don't want to talk about my roommate's penis anymore.
–LaGuardia & Washington Square South
Chick to friend: It's not about the toilet paper, his roommate only used baby wipes.
–Spring St & Mott St
Overheard by: Nick Caylor
NYU kid on cell: I'm still hoping to live in housing next year unless my roommates find out that I got arrested.
–Mercer & Waverly
Young suit into cell: You pissed on my toothbrush!? What the fuck? Fine, I'll get you a new pouffe… Fuck you! Pink or purple? Just get me a new toothbrush! You know what kind! Always, right? The blue ones or the yellow ones? Well, did you get your period or no? Okay… Okay… fine… fine… fine! Look, I'll be home around seven, okay? (yelling) I don't care who you're fucking, it's your turn to cook! Right, fine, talk later, okay? (hangs up, to very attractive female companion) She's really just my roommate…
–82nd & Lexington
Loud man in motorcycle jacket to table of friends: I wear a wedding band on job interviews… Makes them think that I'm committed and responsible.
Chick: That's a good idea!
Loud man: I also wear it to the club, chicks dig a guy who can commit.
Chick: That's so true! But wait… You're not married?
Loud man: Nah, I just live with my baby's mama… We sleep in the same bed but nothing ever happens.
–Tony's Pier, City Island
Overheard by: Fulana Pepa
Girl (sobbing): I’m sorry… I know cheating is never the answer… I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.
(long silence)
Guy (chuckling): Sorry for laughing. I’m just thinking of what a better person than you I am.
(five minutes later)
Guy (still chuckling): You know you’re hot and guys hit on you all the time but what you forget is that I’m hot. Girls hit on me every day. But I’d never cheat because I’m a good person.
–Metro Cafe, 57th & 5th
Salesman: Ah, so soly. Mr. Wong not in today.
Saleswomen: My boyfriend’s Asian. Don’t make fun of them.
Salesman: I’m not making fun of them. I’m making fun of the way they talk.
–Sales Department, SoHo
