Preppy tween #1: You know, I really should try to get my grades up.
Preppy tween #2: Why's that?
Preppy tween #1: Well, if I did better in school my parents probably wouldn't think I was going out and having sex and doing drugs all the time.
–1 Train
Sassy lady on cell: I tell you, he got the wrong bitch pregnant!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Stunned!
Girl: Ugh, pregnancy would be like, so much worse than gonorrhea.
–John Jay Dining Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: jane
AT&T employee: Yeah, when I had my daughter I actually didn't have to stay overnight in the hospital. See, usually, after you have the baby, you have to pass the placenta. The doctor actually reached up inside me and just pulled it out, just like that. He told me I was fine to go home after that, so I did.
–AT&T Store, Union Square
20-something on cell: But I refused to go down on him…I told him I'm not ready to have a baby. (pause) Of course you can get pregnant by swallowing! Hello? Did you not take sex-ed in high school?
–61st St & Lexington Ave
Woman on cell: It's such a small opening, and it gets torn apart when you have a kid!
–42nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Weekender
20-something on cell: But I'm tired of always being pregnant.
–East Village
Overheard by: also tired
Teacher: What's used to cover a beast?
Student: Underwear?
–Francis Lewis High School
Overheard by: Thank God I'm Not The Beast.
20-something grad student #1: You can't sleep with her! Dude, she's in high school!
20-something grad student #2: Dude, she's 18!
20-something grad student #1: Dude…oh…well… Carry on!
–114th St & Broadway
Overheard by: S.W.
Headline by: S.T.
Runners-Up:
· “Bill Finally Accepted That Ted Would Be Having an Excellent Adventure Without Him” – lex
· “Dude, Her Myspace Page Wouldn’t Lie” – the trayster
· “Ethics Majors Cram for Their Final Exams.” – Sandy Paws
· “If She Can’t Get Into College, at Least College Can Get Into Her.” – Matthew N
· “Plus, There’s the Extra Money for Tutoring Her for the SATs” – Steve
· “Then Why Is She a Sophomore?” – Mikey
Girl: I'm really bad at observing people.
Friend: I love Sleeping Beauty.
Girl: I can't write about art if it's, like, asked by my teachers. That's what I hate about this class. Last semester I had to reckon with a Louise Bourgeois essay… All her penises. Are you guys ready to go?
–Cooper-Hewitt, National Design Museum
Overheard by: Alex Bailey
Middle school boy: Hey, do you like the URLs I got for my project?
Teacher: Yeah, your URLs are sexy!
–Packer Collegiate Institute
Guy: Wait, how’s that work, exactly?
Girl: Well, you have sex according to the woman’s menstrual cycle, you know, and you just don’t have sex when she’s ovulating.
Guy: Don’t you have to take a health class or something to do that?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Katie
Art teacher: Now you are true students of FIT! Nobody listens to directions!
–FIT
Suit on cell: I don’t know if going through water is resistance or friction, do you? God! I am so tired of doing the kid’s homework!
–46th between 7th & 8th
Female student: I think I’m gonna learn a lot. They were saying things that went, like, right over my head.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
NYU girl on cell: No, I’m not going to waste the credits. I’m just going to fail the class on purpose.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Overheard by: Kristin
Drunk chick: I’m majoring in the doggy-style orgasm.
–Slainte, 1st & Bowery
Overheard by: Genevieve
Professor to class: Most of you are familiar with the breasts of members of the opposite sex who are close to your own age.
–Columbia University Medical Center
Professor: I have no idea what you’re saying, but I know you’re wrong.
–Vanderbilt Hall, NYU
Overheard by: The King Adrock
Guy: Which one of you woke up late this morning, you or your momma?
Daughter: Oh, my mom.
Mom: No, I didn’t oversleep, I just got caught up doing schoolwork.
Guy: Shoot, do you think Jesus had excuses when he was dying on the cross?
–B67 bus
20-something girl: Hey! How are you? You look great! What have you been doing now that you finished school?
20-something suit: Virgins only.
20-something girl: So that means we won't be having sex again.
20-something suit: Been there, done that.
–6 Train
