Girl: I was like, “High school is over. I can’t wait to get away from everyone!” And then, thanks to you, I actually realized that I might miss some people. You, James*, Gabrielle*, Dave V.*, Karen G.*!
Guy: But all of us except James are going to St. John’s, and he’s coming here to Queens.
Girl: But Gabrielle is going to Jersey! Everyone knows that once you go to Jersey, your soul dies.
–Queens College campus
Overheard by: Peter G.
Gangsta #1: Tyrone — he all smart and shit now that he got himself an education!
Gansta #2: How he did that? He go to college?
Gansta #1: Nah, he’s too poor to go to college! Nigga went and got himself locked up so he could get his GED!
–Queens-bound N train
Overheard by: chingbaby
Nerdy high school girl: I got a B+ on my freaking Holocaust essay. How gay is that?
–Q17 bus, Flushing
Overheard by: Lisa Berlin
Queerspotter: He’s so far inside the closet, he’s in Narnia.
–11th between 1st and A
Overheard by: Vinny C.
Drag queen: There are only two lesbian bars in New York, and that is because there are only five lesbians who tip.
–xl, 16th & 9th
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”
–L train
Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.
–Elevator, 12th & 5th
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.
–Parsons School of Design
Overheard by: Ray
Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.
–2 train
Overheard by: Sarah
Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?
–LaGuardia
Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.
–The Gap, 34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dianora
Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.
–Key Food, Park Slope
Overheard by: Shack
Teen girl #1: Yeah, I ran away once, ’cause like, my parents were making me study for a science test.
Teen girl #2: Oh my god, you so don’t have any problems. My parents are making me get a job!
Teen boy: Not having money to buy food is a problem. Not having an apartment is a problem.
–F train
Girl: Hey, do you have to read that for class?
Guy: Nope, just picked it up for fun.
Girl: If you like Vonnegut, you’d really like One Flew Out of the Cuckoo’s Next.
Guy: This is my stop.
–4 train
Overheard by: Yael
Store chick: I got a high school ring, and it was the biggest regret of my life.
–NYU Professional Bookstore, LaGuardia Place
Overheard by: andrew
Guy #1: She’s really religious, she even goes to a Jesuit school.
Girl #1: Oh! Like JTS?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: What? Isn’t Jesuit another word for Jewish? Like Orthodox or something?
Guy #1: Um, no.
–Columbia University
Fratboy #1: Did I tell you what Danny said to me?
Fratboy #2: No.
Fratboy #1: Pulls me into his room, says, “I have two things to talk to you about. One, we can’t have so many house parties, because the house doesn’t want that. And two, when we have house parties, only I can go around handing out acid, ’cause that’s what the house wants.”
Fratboy #2: Whoa.
Fratboy #1: I was like, “Danny, you have pissed me off.” I walked out of there.
–Crunch, East 13th Street
Overheard by: John Osvald
Guy #1: Dude, I know this is kinda gay, but I played The Sims last night naked and it was awesome.
Guy #2: Oh, that’s solid. I watch TV naked all the time. Not recently, though. I’ve been studying for my econ midterm constantly, and you can’t be naked in the library.
Guy #1: That sucks, ’cause it’s like…being naked just always feels better.
Guy #2: Totally. Ceteris paribus, I say, “do it naked.”
–Columbia University
