We'll Be Like, “That Was Sad. What's for Dinner?”

Midwestern tourist dad: Next we're going to the Empire State Building.
Six-year-old daughter: How far is it? Do we have to walk?
Midwestern tourist dad: Yes, it'll be fun.
Six-year-old daughter (in super whiny voice): Why? It's too far, I don't wanna walk!
Midwestern tourist dad: It'll be fun, we'll see the sights along the way.
Six-year-old daughter (on the verge of a tantrum): But I don't wanna!
Midwestern tourist dad (in very calm and soothing voice): Well, you can walk with us, or you can just lay down and die.

–5th Ave & 38th St

Posted on October 24, 2008
Comebacks, Dads, Death, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Midwesterners, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Tourism, Wishes & desires

Parenthood, in a Nutshell

Small boy: I want to go downtown!
Patient mother: We are going downtown.
Small boy: I want to go uptown!

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on October 20, 2008
Kids, Moms, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Should've Used a Condom, Wishes & desires

Who's My Little Two-Legged Birth Control?

(toddler in stroller gleefully tosses mangoes from display on floor)
Older brother: No! Stop it! (picks up mangoes as toddler keeps pushing them off display) Stop! We're not buying those!
(mom looks the other way)
Cashier: Ma'am, your child is dropping the mangoes.
Mom: I know.
Cashier: But..
Mom: I know, my son's rude.
Cashier: But the other customers…
Mom: He does this all the time, you should come to my house and
see what he does.

–Gourmet Garage, 96th & Park Ave

Overheard by: Mark

Posted on September 2, 2008
Brothers, Cashiers, Customers, Default, Fruit, Grocery Stores, Kids, Moms, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Weirdness

How Children Learn to Stop Giving Warnings

Small child: I’m going to bite you, mom!
Mom: No, wait till we get off the train.

–1 Train

Posted on June 23, 2008
Boys, Default, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Should've Used a Condom, Threats, Weirdness

And How Do Wednesday One-Liners Make You Feel?

Mother, to crying four-year-old trying to grasp her hand: If you don’t stop this behavior you are going to have to see a psychiatrist. [Child keeps at tantrum] This behavior is excessive and abnormal, and I don’t have the patience for it.

–Washington G Station

Stern bimbette: No. My fave dead therapist said that I need to make sure that I surround myself with people who are nice to waiters and their moms.

–Court Street & Joralemon, Brooklyn

NYU chick, calmly: So then I just had a teeny little breakdown!

–West 4th St

Woman on cell: So where are you? [pause] Is that "Therapy" the bar or therapy therapy?

–Manhattan Plaza Gym, 43rd St

Girl on cell: Don’t you think I’m a psycho? [pauses, laughs] Why not?

–Bedford and North 7th

20-something homo: Scientology is just like therapy except without the stigma of therapy.

–52nd & 9th

Overheard by: Trey Givens

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Gyms, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, Parents, Psychology, Queer guys, Questions, Religion, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats, Weirdness, Women

I Told Her to Teach Them to Love Me, or She’s Fired

Distraught lady: [Sighs] I had the worst night last night.
Suit: What happened?
Distraught lady: [Sighs again, loudly] The kids. Tommy* just wouldn’t stop crying. He was bawling all night.
Suit: Why?
Distraught lady: He kept saying he wanted to go home! He wouldn’t be happy until we were home! So I said, *Tommy, you are home, what do you mean? Explain what you mean by “home.” and then he said he meant home with Isabel, Xander, and Rosa. The nanny!
Suit: Oh my god! So where are they now?
Lady: Out with the nanny, I couldn’t handle them right now.

–Laight St & Hudson

Overheard by: KidUgly

Posted on May 15, 2008
Crying, Default, Gripes, Home, Sweet Home, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Shallow Parents Have Trouble With Deep Kids

Male #1: I have a daughter that dresses like a hooker, and everyday I yell at her: “*Nicole! Stop dressing like a hooker!” …She’s a fucking cutter too!
Male #2: She cuts class?
Male #1: No. She cuts herself and she doesn’t even do a good job of covering it up either! How the hell does she expect to get a guy with all that shit on her arm?

–Marillac Hall, St. John’s University

Overheard by: Leonard Castell

Posted on May 4, 2008
Clothing, Dads, Default, Friends, Men, Offers and requests, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Relationships, School, Should've Used a Condom, Weirdness

When Your Relaxation Tapes Are Narrated by Woody Allen

Mom: You need to relax!
Teen girl: Why? Because I said “Oh my god”?
Mom: Just relax!
Teen girl, mockingly: Oh my god! Oh my god!
Mom: Just fucking relax!

–Union Square

Posted on May 4, 2008
Advice, Default, Girls, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Psychology, Should've Used a Condom, Teens, Union Square and East Village

And Quit Brandishing That Anal Probe

[A Girl is running ahead of her mom and yelling.]Mom: Get back here!
[Girl continues her rowdy behavior.]Little girl: No! Ahhhhh!
Mom: Stop yelling like that! You’re going to scare the humans.

–59th & Lex

Posted on April 29, 2008
Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Upper East Side, Words

Because Then I Could Pull a Woody Allen

Little girl to her father: Stop telling me that! I’m not adopted!
Father: But sometimes I wish you were.

–Multiplex Cinemas, Flushing

Overheard by: Ms. Hazard

Posted on April 6, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Girls, Kids, Movie Theaters, Offers and requests, Parents, Queens, Should've Used a Condom, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Should’ve Used a Condom