All We Need Is a Wednesday One-Liner in the White House

Middle-aged black woman: William Shatner should run for president or governor or mayor or something… He’s got the charisma.

–Staten Island Ferry snack bar

Overheard by: Stephanie

Hobo spinning in circles: ‘Bout time we got some poontang in the White House! There’s a first time for everything!

–117th & Broadway

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Thug, watching Elliot Spitzer and Chuck Schumer drive by: Who da fuck these niggas?

–Super Bowl Parade

Overheard by: No idea

Scholar: I’m voting for Osama Barack.

–F train

Overheard by: Terrorized

Conductor: Grand Central Station. Two and Three trains across the platform. Change here for the Seven, A, C, E, and shuttle to Times Square. Vote Obama.

–1 train, Grand Central

Drunk guido during post-Super Bowl rioting: I mean, who cares who the next president is after this?

–52nd & 2nd

Overheard by: NCS

Posted on March 26, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, Black People, Default, Drunks, Gender issues, Government, Grand Central, Guidos, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parades & Festitivites, Politics, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Thugs, Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Dirty Job, but Somebody’s Gotta Do Them

Conductor: Attention, everyone, we are not interviewing for train conductors! Stop trying to control the doors — that’s my job. We are, however, seeking passengers. Please enter the train and sit down to be interviewed for that position.

–1 train, 125th St

Overheard by: Jeff McCrum

Clearly intoxicated girl: I decided to go from working to doing a lot of drugs…

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: ADA

20-something: You know, I’m just lucky I have a job at all! I mean, I did go to state school!

–Morton & Hudson

Overheard by: Sam

Emo teen, running taking pictures: See, this is why I got fired from American Apparel — because I would come into work acting like this!

–Vanessa’s Dumplings, E 14th & 3rd

Overheard by: Maggie Elisabeth

Lady on a Bluetooth: Girl, you’ve got CEO dreams with a McDonald’s work ethic.

–W 60th St, between Columbus & Broadway

Loud man to loud friends: It was just him running around getting punched in his codpiece and yelling, ‘You killed my father.’ Yeah, I think he has a new job now.

–109th & Amsterdam

Posted on March 26, 2008
Abortion, Balls, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Druggies, Drugs, Education, Girls, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Punch, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Subway conductors, Teens, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

That Esteban, Always Getting into Mama’s Vodka Popsicles

Very young child: Yo estoy borracha. Yo estoy borracha. Yo estoy borracha…

–35th St & 36th Ave, Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Michelle M.

Posted on March 25, 2008
Astoria, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Kids, Street, Weirdness

Or at Least Have Your Tubes Tied

Chick #1: … But think about it — if we have so many bananas, like, in the supermarket and everything, then where are all the monkeys?
Chick #2: You are so right.
Chick #1: I mean, it’s true — shouldn’t they be here, where the bananas are?
Chick #2: That is so deep.
Chick #1: We should stop smoking weed.

–69th & CPW

Posted on March 25, 2008
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Default, Druggies, Friends, Fruit, Girls, Philosophy, Questions, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I’m Not Sure I Understand Why You Ask

Long Island JAP: Long Island should totally become the sixth borough of New York.
Queer: Fuck no! The MTA doesn’t go there, and we all know that if the MTA doesn’t go there, neither should you.
Asian guy: What about Staten Island?

–47th & Broadway

Overheard by: Samantha Jones

Posted on March 25, 2008
Advice, Asians, Default, Guys, JAPs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Queers, Questions, Street

I Told You Not to Tell Me!

Guy: Please do not tell me you took a shit in this cup.
Girl: We can wash it out.

–74th & Columbus

Posted on March 24, 2008
Default, Etiquette, Girls, Guys, Kink, Offers and requests, Poop, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Either Way, a Digital Record of Our Ass-Kicking Will Be Helpful in Court

Tourist girl: Oh, crap, is that Rosie O’Donnell over there?! [Whips out phone camera.]Tourist guy: Well, it’s either her, or a 300-pound biker with a bad haircut.

–34th & Broadway

Posted on March 24, 2008
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Street, Tourists

Um, Sara, I Don’t Think You Should Say That So Loud

Kid #1: You’re mad short, haha.
Kid #2: Shut up! I know I’m short! I haven’t grown at all! The only thing that grew was my dick!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: A.K.

Headline by: KMW

Runners-Up:
· “And Somewhere in America, Mary Kay Letourneau’s Ears Prick Up” – Sara
· “Everyone in Dwarf Porn Goes through This Moment” – M
· “I’m a Little Teapot, 2.0” – Duncan Pflaster
· “Whatchu Talkin’ About, Willis?” – Molly

Click here to see the new Headline Contest