Wednesday Wears the One-Liners in This Family

Southern tourist in pink pants: I don’t see anybody else wearing pink pants around here!

–73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Girl on cell, wearing leggings and a t-shirt: Oh, shit, I forgot to put on pants again.

–Columbia University

Lady in corner stall: Damn, I done sweated through my pants!

–Restroom, 1 Liberty Plaza

Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: bih.

Thug: I’m the only playa in the hood with his pants on his waist!

–10th & Ave B

Overheard by: Kayla K

Conductor over intercom: Attention, all crew members! Be sure you have your pants! Hey, Larry, you got yo’ pants?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Geologist

Posted on July 22, 2022
Body Parts, Clothing, Colors, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Menstruation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Southerners, Street, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Sweat, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Kinda Miss Bush's Speeches

President: Are they de-seminating the office?…I mean decimating?

–40th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: EScrillz

Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) "fastest." Is that a word?

–42nd St AMC Theatre

Overheard by: Steph

Man on cell: Yeah, well that's what the beasting is for!

–Penn Station

Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.

–Fordham Road

Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!

–TGI Fridays, Times Square

Overheard by: CS

Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: I guess that's English

Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, "violated."

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: Sally Tempo

Posted on July 7, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, College, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Food, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Rape, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, Times Square, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday XXX-Liners

Overly flamboyant gay guy on phone: There is no way he can put himself through law school doing hardcore gay porn!

–Soho

Overheard by: Anastassia

Gay boy to another: Pornstars make good money.

–L Train

Girl: He wants to make money, but all his plans involve me being in porn. You know how long it takes to make a $1000 in porn? Three months!

–Destination Bar, 13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Heavyset dude to chick watching the Olympics: So I was watching curling porn the other day…

–Lucky Jack's bar, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy to friend: I saw that girl in a porn video last night. She has a cock.

–William & Cedar

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on June 25, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Porn, Queer guys, School and studying, Soho, Street, Time, Trannies, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Totally Worth It If You Want to Ascend to a Higher Plane

Businesswoman #1: So I had to go in this little booth, and it has these tiny holes that shoot air at you! And I was like “What on earth is this for?” and the security guy said “Oh, it’s so we can get a sense of your aura.” I mean really, they don’t let you get on a plane if your aura is bad?
Businesswoman #2: Wow, I guess so. Airport security is getting really tight these days.
Businesswoman #1: Seriously.

–50th & 7th

Overheard by: Arielle

Posted on June 21, 2022
Cops, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, National Security, Offers and requests, Rich people, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Terrorism, Threats, Women, Words

Wednesday Caniners

Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you're out of breath because you're out of shape. (pause) No, you're not fat. You're voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it's not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.

–Central Park

Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I've been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn't working!

–Williamsburg

Woman to her dog: Don't be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!

–10th St & Broadway

Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.

–Brooklyn

Posted on June 16, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Assholes, Brooklyn, Central Park, Cocaine, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Education, Food, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Insults, Man's Best Friend, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful: Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on phone: So, should I continue not being a whore or should I go get an emergency Brazilian?

–Lexington Ave & 58th

Girl to friend: No, I can't do tomorrow afternoon. I am getting waxed for the weekend. Just in case.

–3rd Ave & 80th St

Salesgirl to customer: You so have an exfoliating face!

–Sephora, 57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Amanda

Creepy hobo on payphone: So, you're doing your nails? Mmmmmm…

–Bleecker & Thompson

Overheard by: Thompson

Girl with pounds of makeup on: Yeah, I'm going on lunch right now. I am so exhausted, I did five makeovers today. Yeah, I am so tired…I had a butch.

–Elevator, Macy's

Overheard by: K Melv

Thug: All I want is a mani-pedi.

–72nd & Central Park West

Overheard by: wb

Posted on June 14, 2022
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Body Parts, Creepsters, Customers, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hobos, Makeup, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, Sex, Store, Street, The Village, Thugs, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Your Editors Find Themselves Drunk With All the Possiblities

20-something girl to friend: You can't be serious!
Friend: Tasteless clear liquid, I'm telling you what.
20-something girl: Hey, are you in jail? Are you on fire? Then shut the hell up!

–Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Victoria Lynne Blakeman

Posted on May 25, 2022
Fire, Friends, Girls, Insults, Prison, Questions, Street, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me…

Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain't gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Steven

Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline!

–Virgil's, W 44th St

Overheard by: Check, please!

Thugette: I'm just going to say, "Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself."

–6 Train

Overheard by: i mean disrespect

20-something guy to friend: Man, you don't understand. I really respect this broad…

–35th St & Lexington

Posted on May 13, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Drunks, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Grand Central, Guys, Hair, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners

What's a Nice Wednesday Like You Doing in a One-Liner Like This?

Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There's no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Creeped out.

Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Katie

Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me "The Vagina Whisperer."

–Moe's Bar. Brooklyn

Guy hitting on four younger girls: I'll take you home and we can do something weird… I'll pour honey all over you. Then I'll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I'll pour butter all over you, and I'll make toast, and I'll wipe the butter off your back with it!

–1 Train

Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You're beautiful! Look at me! You don't want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I'm Tony Baloney.

–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn

Posted on April 20, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Creepsters, Fat People, Food, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Insects, Kids, Kink, Moms, Names, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Pregnancy & Birth Control, President, Public Transportation, Race, Street, Suits, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Why Would He Buy a Bag from Himself?

Street vendor: Hey, you married?
Woman: No.
Street vendor: Hmph. Me neither. If we were married, I would buy you a bag. Since we’re not, it will cost you $5.

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon

Posted on April 18, 2022
Manhattan, Marriage, Shopping, Street, Vendors & Street Performers, Women