Student #1: I was riding the six train home and I felt something on my arm. I looked over and this guy was rubbing his penis on my arm! [Class gasps in horror.]Student #2: Well, was he cute?
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Never riding the 6 train again
College guy #1: Okay, we need to go to the grocery store.
College guy #2: But that’s so boring! How am I going to update my Facebook status? Drew* is shopping for groceries? That is so lame!
College guy #1: Dude, you really can’t live your life based on an imagined Facebook profile status. It’s just not healthy.
–116th & Broadway
College girl #1: So, yeah, he just goes around pooping in people’s closets.
College girl #2: Ewww! Does he steal anything?
College girl #1: No, he just poops and then leaves.
College girl #2: Weird.
–Loews Theater, 34th St
Overheard by: Jenn
College chick #1: … And then three guys almost raped her.
College chick #2: Three?! Did they take turns?
College chick #1: Oh, they took turns.
College chick #2: Taking turns is for lame rapists.
–120th & Claremont
Overheard by: invisiblemooses
Teen girl: I love Mr. Mallows*!
Teen boy: Yeah, I know. Dude’s like, ‘I have hemorrhoids’!
–6 train
Student #1: Today is our first day of classes.
Student #2: Yeah, and it’s Martin Luther King’s birthday today.
Student #1: Most other schools are closed on Martin Luther King Day, but we’re open.
Student #2: Does that make our school racist?
–185th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Anthony Ross
Student: I didn’t describe the sculpture, I just said that the combination of her and Weird Al inspired me.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Haley
Woman: I’m not really into the whole modern art thing — I just don’t like it.
–MoMA
Confused foreign professor: Monet and Picasso are famous painters. George Bush is not.
–NYU
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Man to woman after they make out: The problem is, if you’re an artist today and you take a picture of a guy jumping off a bridge in Paris, no one’s going to care.
–Armory Art Fair
JAP: So, are these the real Monets?
–The Met
Overheard by: Charlie Nicholson
Teacher: Why shouldn’t they ban the N-word in New York City?
Black kid: Because it’s my favorite word!
–Wings Academy, Bronx
Female student: I’m going to Acapulco for spring break!
Classmate: Wow, you’re going to have so much fun! Don’t drink too much!
Professor: Yeah, I’d better not see you on the Internet the next morning.
–NYU
Guy: The nun at work keeps hitting on me!
–Havana Central, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Arogpelter
Panhandler: Donations? Give to the church of malt liquor!
–St. Mark’s Pl, between 1st & 2nd St
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Student running through hall: I need my Bible!
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: lol
Woman on cell: Hi, sweetie. I just wanted to call you back, real quick ’cause I’m on my cell, and tell you something else God wanted me to tell you.
–GWB Port Authority
30-ish guido seeing girl with ashes on foreheard: You know, I’ve noticed that the church is making better ashes.
–102nd & Broadway
Overheard by: what does that even mean?!
Manager: Ben! Quit it with the stigmata! We’ve talked about this!
–Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Teen boy: We should pray to Josh’s parents so they give us a plasma screen TV.
–A train
Overheard by: Paula
