Teacher: Why shouldn’t they ban the N-word in New York City?
Black kid: Because it’s my favorite word!
–Wings Academy, Bronx
Teacher: Why shouldn’t they ban the N-word in New York City?
Black kid: Because it’s my favorite word!
–Wings Academy, Bronx
Female student: I’m going to Acapulco for spring break!
Classmate: Wow, you’re going to have so much fun! Don’t drink too much!
Professor: Yeah, I’d better not see you on the Internet the next morning.
–NYU
Guy: The nun at work keeps hitting on me!
–Havana Central, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Arogpelter
Panhandler: Donations? Give to the church of malt liquor!
–St. Mark’s Pl, between 1st & 2nd St
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Student running through hall: I need my Bible!
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: lol
Woman on cell: Hi, sweetie. I just wanted to call you back, real quick ’cause I’m on my cell, and tell you something else God wanted me to tell you.
–GWB Port Authority
30-ish guido seeing girl with ashes on foreheard: You know, I’ve noticed that the church is making better ashes.
–102nd & Broadway
Overheard by: what does that even mean?!
Manager: Ben! Quit it with the stigmata! We’ve talked about this!
–Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Teen boy: We should pray to Josh’s parents so they give us a plasma screen TV.
–A train
Overheard by: Paula
Girl: It’s like, ‘Hey, you’re a nice guy and I’ve got boobs… So let’s do something about this.’
–33rd & 7th
Dude: You would want to blow up the world, too, if your mother gave you a wolf titty to suck on.
–1 train
Metrosexual: I like boobs better than titties.
–Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: Argopelter
B&T teen: I don’t know what you want me to do about my chest. I’m 17 years old! You want me to get implants? Would that make you happy, Mom?
–Dressing room, Macy’s, Herald Square
Woman on phone in cubicle: I borrowed that money to pay for my boob job. If they want to repossess them, they know where to find them.
–Office, Woolworth Building
Overheard by: Big Larry
Student: Why can’t I grab your boob in a totally care-free way?
–Lang cafeteria
Confused college student: My new cell phone is so ghetto. It lights up when it rings. It’s like a Las Vegas show. But I think the inside is nice. It’s like when you have a really crappy house, but it’s well-decorated. Like, on the interior…
Queer friend: Yeah, that’s how Koreans live.
–ArtePasta Restaurant, Greenwich Ave
Overheard by: Smarter College Student
Girl: Last time you told me something was overrated I got pregnant.
–Sephora, Broadway
Overheard by: linzz
Guy: … So then she changed her middle name to something like "Afterbirth…"
–Spring St
Overheard by: boston bobby
College guy on cell: He was like, ‘Shit, she’s got a bun in the oven!’ And I was like, ‘Oh, shit!’
–Columbia University
Overheard by: roo
Chick: She said he talked to her on the phone and that’s how he got her pregnant.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Wondering how that works
Preggers: I’m gonna across this street against the light, pregnant and all, and I’m not gonna have a miscarriage.
–Eastern Pkwy & Classon Ave, Crown Heights, Brooklyn
Employee to another: I only gained two pounds during my pregnancy, and I’m on my seventh month!
–Burger King, 5th Ave, between 36th & 37th
Overheard by: EE Grimshaw
NYU girl on cell: … So then the doctor comes in and he goes, ‘Houston, we have a problem…" I know, right? What’s with doctors trying to be all funny when they’re telling you that you’re pregnant?
–NYU bus
Overheard by: tj
NYU girl #1: Okay, so we’re all really, really mad at Paul.
NYU girl #2: What’d he do?
NYU girl #1: Nothing, but it’s us versus him.
–Hayden Residence Hall, Washington Square
NYU student #1: Ew! That movie was like porn!
NYU student #2: I don’t know why we watched that in class!
NYU student #3: Disgusting!
–Outside lecture hall, Silver Center
NYU girl: … So I, like, know that I got half of the questions right.
NYU guy: So, what about the other 20 percent?
–Queens-bound N train
Overheard by: ADC
Student: What’s the closest subway station that will get us to the Bronx?
Hotel worker: Are you sure that’s where you wanna get?
–Radisson Hotel
