College guy #1: Okay, we need to go to the grocery store.
College guy #2: But that’s so boring! How am I going to update my Facebook status? Drew* is shopping for groceries? That is so lame!
College guy #1: Dude, you really can’t live your life based on an imagined Facebook profile status. It’s just not healthy.
–116th & Broadway
College girl #1: So, yeah, he just goes around pooping in people’s closets.
College girl #2: Ewww! Does he steal anything?
College girl #1: No, he just poops and then leaves.
College girl #2: Weird.
–Loews Theater, 34th St
Overheard by: Jenn
College chick #1: … And then three guys almost raped her.
College chick #2: Three?! Did they take turns?
College chick #1: Oh, they took turns.
College chick #2: Taking turns is for lame rapists.
–120th & Claremont
Overheard by: invisiblemooses
Teen girl: I love Mr. Mallows*!
Teen boy: Yeah, I know. Dude’s like, ‘I have hemorrhoids’!
–6 train
Student #1: Today is our first day of classes.
Student #2: Yeah, and it’s Martin Luther King’s birthday today.
Student #1: Most other schools are closed on Martin Luther King Day, but we’re open.
Student #2: Does that make our school racist?
–185th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Anthony Ross
Student: I didn’t describe the sculpture, I just said that the combination of her and Weird Al inspired me.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Haley
Woman: I’m not really into the whole modern art thing — I just don’t like it.
–MoMA
Confused foreign professor: Monet and Picasso are famous painters. George Bush is not.
–NYU
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Man to woman after they make out: The problem is, if you’re an artist today and you take a picture of a guy jumping off a bridge in Paris, no one’s going to care.
–Armory Art Fair
JAP: So, are these the real Monets?
–The Met
Overheard by: Charlie Nicholson
Teacher: Why shouldn’t they ban the N-word in New York City?
Black kid: Because it’s my favorite word!
–Wings Academy, Bronx
Female student: I’m going to Acapulco for spring break!
Classmate: Wow, you’re going to have so much fun! Don’t drink too much!
Professor: Yeah, I’d better not see you on the Internet the next morning.
–NYU
Guy: The nun at work keeps hitting on me!
–Havana Central, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Arogpelter
Panhandler: Donations? Give to the church of malt liquor!
–St. Mark’s Pl, between 1st & 2nd St
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Student running through hall: I need my Bible!
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: lol
Woman on cell: Hi, sweetie. I just wanted to call you back, real quick ’cause I’m on my cell, and tell you something else God wanted me to tell you.
–GWB Port Authority
30-ish guido seeing girl with ashes on foreheard: You know, I’ve noticed that the church is making better ashes.
–102nd & Broadway
Overheard by: what does that even mean?!
Manager: Ben! Quit it with the stigmata! We’ve talked about this!
–Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Teen boy: We should pray to Josh’s parents so they give us a plasma screen TV.
–A train
Overheard by: Paula
Girl: It’s like, ‘Hey, you’re a nice guy and I’ve got boobs… So let’s do something about this.’
–33rd & 7th
Dude: You would want to blow up the world, too, if your mother gave you a wolf titty to suck on.
–1 train
Metrosexual: I like boobs better than titties.
–Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: Argopelter
B&T teen: I don’t know what you want me to do about my chest. I’m 17 years old! You want me to get implants? Would that make you happy, Mom?
–Dressing room, Macy’s, Herald Square
Woman on phone in cubicle: I borrowed that money to pay for my boob job. If they want to repossess them, they know where to find them.
–Office, Woolworth Building
Overheard by: Big Larry
Student: Why can’t I grab your boob in a totally care-free way?
–Lang cafeteria
