Student: I tried to write my Spanish essay but I don’t know how to say “bitch” in Spanish.
Professor: You live in New York and you don’t even know that?
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Guy
Student: I tried to write my Spanish essay but I don’t know how to say “bitch” in Spanish.
Professor: You live in New York and you don’t even know that?
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Guy
Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.
–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.
–Henri Bendel
Overheard by: Stephan Dion
Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.
–Fashion Institute of Technology
Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: ednapontellier
Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.
–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place
Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?
–Broadway & 50th St
Overheard by: Peter
Flustered queer student: I’m working for the next four days. I’m just glad I have a steady job now.
Hungover queer student: Yeah. I called about my job today, so hopefully I’ll be working tomorrow.
Flustered queer student: I’m so glad we’re both working now, because we need to be blowing more cocaine.
–12th & 5th
NYU brat #1: So, did you guys end up hooking up, or what?
NYU brat #2: Yeah, we dry-humped for, like, an hour.
NYU brat #1: Dry-humped?! What are we, back in, like, eighth grade?
NYU brat #2: What, you haven’t heard? Dry-humping is sooo back in.
–NYU
Overheard by: CK
Strange guy: Excuse me, NYU students?
Guy #1: Yeah?
Strange guy: I’m your biggest rival.
Guy #1: Huh?
Strange guy: Columbia. Law school. I’m coming for you.
Guy #1: Okay…
Strange guy: Employer sees résumé from NYU, résumé from Columbia, always picks Columbia.
Guy #1: Okay. Have a nice day.
Strange guy: I’m coming for you, trust fund baby.
Guy #2: I’m sure that Columbia résumé makes up for not having a penis…
Guy #1: Trust fund baby?
Strange guy: Columbia. [Flicks them off and leaves.]
–Starbucks, Astor Pl & Lafayette
Overheard by: NYU Student
Test-taker: What happens if we don’t know our social security number?
Proctor, in thick Russian accent: Then we dismiss your test and eat you alive!
–Edward R. Murrow High, Brooklyn
Overheard by: melanie
Young English teacher, showing class movie of Greek tragedy Agamemnon: Does anyone else think that Agamemnon kinda looks like the Burger King King?
Student: Well, there goes my grade.
–Stuyvesant High
Columbia girl #1: So wait, he cheated on his mistress??
Columbia girl #2: Nooooo, he cheated on his wife with his mistress.
Columbia girl #1: Oh, I was confused.
–116th & Amsterdam
Headline by: nj2nc
Runners-Up:
· “And by ‘Confused’ I Mean Impressed” – colleen
· “Apparently, So Was the Admissions Staff” – goes to a better NY school
· “He Did Cheat on Both with a Hooker in Vegas, But That Stayed There.” – Deborah
· “It’s OK, Extra-Marital Affairs Is a 300-Level Course.” – Tyson Jurgens
· “It’s a Mobius Strip of Poon.” – prefekt
· “Just as Long as There Weren’t No Damn Queers Getting Hitched. That Would Ruin the Holy Union That Is Marriage.” – Colin McCleod
· “Most Likely to Transfer to a SUNY” – lascouine
· “Professor Giuliani Should Remove His Bio from the Syllabus” – Dave Ellis
· “Shouldn’t be. It’s How You Got into Columbia.” – abby
· “So How Did the Monkey Fit into All of This Again?” – Fleetline
· “You Better Start Learning the Difference If You’re Going to Get That MRS Degree” – SlickRicks
· “You Can’t Cheat on the People You Are Cheating on Your Wife With…It’s in the Bible.” – Sean
· “You’d Think the Concept of Cheating Would Be More Familiar at Columbia” – bri b
Student #1: Go through a 30-day trial, like on the commercials! Then if you don't like him, then you can return him.
Student #2: Wow, that's a bitchy move. Maybe I could see him on Monday?
–Hunter Collge
College kid #1: Ben Franklin is here today.
College kid #2: Oh, I know him.
–New York Historical Society
Overheard by: Emily B.
