Wednesday One-liners Join the Jet Set

Southern woman on cell: I could not feel worse than I do right now…You will…Oh my god, they are gonna have to land that airplane so you can vomit.

–66th between CPW and Columbus

Overheard by: Charlie

Dirtbag: Man, I have to get over to Europe. I gotta sell a fucking kidney.

–St. Mark’s Place

Man on cell: Yeah baby, yeah, I’m still in London. Yeah, I’ll be back on Wednesday, baby.

–West 4th & Jane

Conductor: You’re now entering the country of Brooklyn. Please have your passports ready…

–F train

Overheard by: Paul Eng

Posted on May 15, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Health and Hygiene, Men, Money & Class, Not New York, On Cell, On the Subway, Street, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Um, Why Do You Think Mirrors Were Invented?

Girlfriend: So, you want to make out?
Boyfriend: Both of us?
Girlfriend: Uh… yeah, generally that's how it works.

–A Train

Posted on May 15, 2020
Boyfriends, Girlfriends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity, Wishes & desires

Those Trains Just Keep Going and Going

Woman rushing out of train: Does this train stop at the next stop?
Guy: No.

–downtown C train, 59th St

Posted on May 12, 2020
Guys, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Women

Not Like Here, Where Every Day's a Fine Day

Shirtless hobo #1: I lived in California before New York… the weather sucks most of the time there.
Shirtless hobo #2: Yeah, dude, I've heard that.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on May 11, 2020
Compare/Contrast, Hobos, Stupidity, Washington Square Park, Weather

Two Leading Causes of Injury for the Married Man

Customer: I could use that cane. I pulled my hamstring last night.
Bartender: Doing what, changing diapers?
Customer: No, having sex with myself.

–Bar, 78th & 1st

Posted on May 1, 2020
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Customers, Drinking & Drunk People, Health and Hygiene, Stupidity, Weirdness

What Happens When You Use the TV As a Babysitter: A Simulation

Skinny girl: I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Sobbing girl: I just…I just hope he's going to… be okay.
Skinny girl: Do you think that maybe you want to go and compose yourself in the office?
Sobbing girl: I was just… there. And I would… but the candy… sucks.
Skinny girl: I'll… I'll give you my last Mentos.
Sobbing girl: The Freshmaker?

–The Met

Posted on May 1, 2020
Crying, Food, Girls, Questions, Skinny People, Stupidity, The Met, Wishes & desires

England's Sketchy Stepchild

Girl: So where's he from? He's from California, right?
Guy: No, he's from England.
Girl: Oh, Montreal!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Christopher Columbus

Posted on April 29, 2020
Foreigners, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Remember That Whole Strike Thing?

Guy: God damn it! Where were you? I waited an hour for you to show up! Were you on a coffee break or what?
Bus driver: Sir, that’s not possible, the lead bus was only ten minutes ahead of me. I watched him pull out of the depot.
Guy: Screw you! You guys are the real terrorists! You’re what Homeland Security is trying to protect us against!

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Staten Island

Posted on April 27, 2020
Anger Management, Bus Drivers, Cars and Driving, Coffee, Food, National Security, People, Places, Staten Island, Staten Island Ferry, Stupidity, Terrorism, Topics

When He Was Reincarnated for the Fifth Time

Teacher: Does anyone know of the year 1732?
(class remains silent)
Teacher: I'll give you a hint: it's the year of someone's birthday.
Girl: Jesus!

–Simon Baruch Middle School

Overheard by: the art major

Posted on April 26, 2020
Birthdays, History & Geography, Jesus, School, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors

Intelligent Designing 101

Guy #1: Damn that girl is fine. I’d give my left nut to get her a night.
Guy #2: Dude, why your left nut?
Guy #1: Because it’s attached directly to your heart.
Guy #2: Oh my god, what bio class have you been taking?

–20th & Park

Overheard by: Kiuu SMith

Posted on April 24, 2020
Body Parts, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity

Stupidity