Fat kid: Can we take the elevator?
Dad: No, Charlie, come up the stairs.
Fat kid: But this is IMPOSSIBLE!
Dad: No, it isn’t impossible. Now move up the stairs.
–Subway, Bryant Park
Overheard by: Rita
Fat kid: Can we take the elevator?
Dad: No, Charlie, come up the stairs.
Fat kid: But this is IMPOSSIBLE!
Dad: No, it isn’t impossible. Now move up the stairs.
–Subway, Bryant Park
Overheard by: Rita
Yuppie woman #1: I just couldn’t believe it. Just because I give my child everything he wants and asks for, she has the nerve to tell me that I’m giving my son a sense of entitlement.
Yuppie woman #2: I can’t believe she said that.
Yuppie woman #1: Yeah. The nerve!
–Downtown 2 train, Fulton St
Candy seller: Ladies and gentlemen, today I am selling candy so I can make money to buy more candy.
–1 train
Overheard by: Joshy Sweetpants
Museum patron: Tell me the story again about what happened to my bottom?
–Cafeteria, the Met
Woman to misbehaving child: Jamillah Fatima! Do not make me have to make the love connection to your behind on the C train!
–Brooklyn bound C train
Overheard by: ryan
Girl: Man, it’s hotter that 50 butt cracks in here!
–American Apparel, N 6th St, Williamsburg
Idle dreamer: Man…I wish I had, like, 59 butts.
–Apple Store, 5th Ave
Overheard by: i still sell the iPods
Walking VD: I told her straight up I only like her for her ass!
–Kissena Blvd & 71st Ave, Queens
Teen boy: I’m gonna spread your booty cheeks.
–108th & Manhattan
Overheard by: N
Man: Shit, I’ll eat a pig’s ass if they fry it right.
–471 Lincoln Place, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Michael O’Connor
God Squad lady: Praise Jesus! You won’t be saved without Jesus! You have to start believing in Jesus to be saved! Jesus will always be there for you!
Suit #1: Would it be so awful if we pushed her out when the doors open?
Suit #2: No. Jesus will save her.
–4 train
Overheard by: Gregorio
Woman: So the subway in Abu Dhabi is pretty convenient?
Man: Yeah, but the only thing I don’t understand is how they can put a subway on an island.
Woman, after a long pause: Think about it.
–1 train, Christopher St
Hipster girl: What’s up with all the Jews for Jesus stuff everywhere?
Hipster guy: I don’t know. I think Jews just try to adopt whatever’s mainstream and will make them money.
–A/C/E underpass, Times Square station
Overheard by: Al
Shiksa girl #1: Oh, now I get it!
Shiksa girl #2: Get what?
Shiksa girl #1: Jews for Jesus. See, Jews don’t usually believe in Jesus, but these ones do.
Shiksa girl #2: That totally makes sense. That’s why they’re called “Jews for Jesus”!
Jewish dude: They’re not Jews. They’re Christians.
Shiksa girl #2: But it says “Jews for Jesus”!
Jewish dude: If you believe in Jesus, you aren’t a Jew.
Shiksa girl #1: I don’t get it.
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Lauren Lerner
Long Island girl #1: Yeah, I totally thought that he was into the whole making me cum first thing.
Long Island girl #2: What happened?
Long Island girl #1: I bought “Her Pleasure” condoms, and he threw a hissy fit.
–A train
Guy #1: I hear if you pee on that third rail thing it will kill you.
Guy #2: Really? Let’s give it a shot!
Guy #2 pees over the side, hitting the third rail.
Guy #2: Fuckin’ bullshit, man! That shit doesn’t even work!
–B platform, 34th St
