Drunk guy #1: Remember, this train is going to be full of pickpockets, so remember their faces.
Drunk girl: And hookers! It’ll be full of hookers, too!
Drunk guy #2: Nice! So, we should find out how much!
–4 train platform, 161st St
Overheard by: sooooo, how much?
Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?
–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.
–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel
TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’
–26th St
Overheard by: agrees with that girl
College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?
–114th & Broadway
Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.
–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Queer #1: Why are only the uptown trains coming?
Queer #2: Maybe the uptown tunnels are really tight.
–W 4th station
Middle-aged man at Metrocard machine to MTA booth employee: You know these things don’t work, right? I mean, you know they don’t work? [Employee ignores him] Hey, do you care?
–Grand Central
MTA lady on loudspeaker: [Stops singing loudly] What? No, the speaker’s not on. You can hear me? But it’s not on. Huh? You can hear me, too? Damn.
–Union Street Station, Park Slope
Overheard by: Just wanna wait in peace
MTA guy with microphone: Please keep your eyes open — there is a large rat running around on the platform. Please keep your eyes open — large rat — very large.
–V Station, 51st St
Overheard by: Ethan
MTA lady talking to no one visible: You one-armed nuisance! You are really getting on my nerves!
–In front of Staten Island Ferry, Staten Island
Overheard by: Jackie
Happy hour queen ascending subway steps: Did you know all these spots are gum? This entire subway station is constructed of chewing gum!
–Subway station, 14th & 7th
Overheard by: wish i had a drink too
Disgruntled man: Who needs terrorists when you have the MTA?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Alice
Man: Excuse me, I noticed you were looking at the Times. Here, you can have mine. I don’t think I’ll get around to reading it today.
Woman, hugging man lovingly: Thank you.
–Astor Place station
Overheard by: reggae
Woman #1: No, fingering is third base. Blow jobs don’t have a base.
Woman #2: Wait. Blow jobs don’t have a base?
Woman #1: Nope. That’s how we roll in Jersey.
–F train platform, Jay St station
Ghetto man: A groopie ain’t nothin’ but a high-class ho.
Ghetto woman: Please, a groopie is a ho with standards.
Ghetto man: Whatever, a groopie’s no different than a prostitute. But I respect a prostitute ’cause she don’t keep it a secret. A prostitute will fuck you for a happy meal. A happy meal! Not even a value meal!
Ghetto woman: Well, maybe all she wants is a happy meal.
Ghetto man: Yeah, for the toy!
–Grand Army Plaza subway station, Brooklyn
Tourist: Is that train going to 18th street?
New Yorker: Yes.
Doors close.
New Yorker: But you’re not.
–Union Square Station, 4/5/6 platform
Overheard by: amused MD
Ghetto girl #1: Yo, I been to a lot of ghettos and shit, but I ain’t never goin’ to Compton.
Ghetto girl #2: Mhm. Word, yo.
Suit: NWA, yo. Straight outta Compton!
–6 train, Hunter College station
Overheard by: not going to compton anytime soon
Skanky woman: Do I know you? You were giving me a look like you know me.
Teenage boy: No.
Teenage boy to fellow train rider: Do you have a pen?
–R train platform
Overheard by: Doc
