Pretty boy: You know, penis density is really an under-appreciated quality.
Fat friend: Yeah, I may have a one-and-a-half-inch dick, but it weighs 50 pounds!
Girlfriend to other chick: At least they aren’t talking about circle jerks anymore.
–35th & 9th
Overheard by: Brad
Male worker: He isn’t here today.
Woman worker: But I need him!
Man worker: But Mr. Clean ain’t here today!
Woman worker whining: When?
Man worker: Not today!
–Electra Building
Old lady #1: The exterminator. He’s an extremely nice man. Isn’t he a nice man?
Old lady #2: Yes, he was very nice.
Old lady #1: We should hire him more often.
Old lady #2: Oh, you’re so bad.
–B61 bus
Overheard by: aspiring old lady
Catholic School boy #1: Man, I can call a bitch a bitch if I wanna call her a bitch.
Catholic School girl: Nah, you can’t call a girl a bitch. It’s offensive, stupidass.
Catholic School boy #2: Yeah man, I don’t call ’em bitch no more. Now, I call ’em broads.
Catholic School boy #1: Nah, I ain’t callin’ you a bitch cause you bitchin’. I’m calling you a bitch cause that’s just what you call ’em. It’s a colloquialism.
–6 train
Overheard by: Jacob Feldman
Handsome thug: Damn, girl, you catch a nigga lookin’ like that.
Confused white hipster girl: Um, thanks?
–Fulton St, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Bed-Stuy Do or Die
Southern man: What the hell is a steak free-tes?
Southern woman: Oh honey, it’s a chicken fried steak and they probably serve it with grits. This is where famous people come to eat like real human beings.
Southern man: Well hell, they should call it somethin’ more respectable than Pasties.
–Pastis, 9th & Little W. 12th
Overheard by: Jack B. Nimble
Chick #1: Shit. Hon, do you have a tampon?
Chick #2: Sorry, babe. I don’t.
Chick #1: Does anyone have a tampon?
Chorus of women in stalls: Sorry. Nooo, I don’t. Can’t help, sorry. Maybe they’ll have a tampon machine?
Chick #1: Doubt it. That wouldn’t be very modern.
–Women’s room, MoMA
Overheard by: Inky Circus
Spanish chick #1: Some people are so stupid.
Spanish chick #2: You know what I’m saying?
Spanish chick #3: I’m studying psychology with a friend of mine and he said that this kid he knows got caught stealing but–get this, right?–the kid said he is not a thief he is just a kleptomaniac.
–Clothing store, 106th & 3rd
Overheard by: pimsluer
Mook #1: We should get some eight balls.
Mook #2: Ape balls? Like gorilla balls?
–Mulberry & Spring
Yuppie chick #1: So, I went to the Museum of Natural History yesterday.
Yuppie chick #2: You wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History?
Yuppie chick #1: Yeah.
Yuppie chick #2: Why?
Yuppie chick #1: ‘Cause they have stuff there.
Yuppie chick #2: You know, I’ve never been to the Museum of Natural History. What kind of stuff do they have there?
Yuppie chick #1: You know, like, natural science stuff… A lot of the stuff there, though, was for little kids.
Yuppie chick #2: Yeah, I wouldn’t go there. Who wants to see natural science stuff?
Yuppie chick #1: Yeah, I mostly thought it was stupid.
–Utopia Diner, 72nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Cultured New Yorker
