Frumpy Asian guy: She’s a Hitler-lover.
Tall Aryan guy: I don’t care about the Hitler-lover thing as long as she’s hot. [High fives are exchanged.]
–Fordham University Rose Hill, Bronx
Frumpy Asian guy: She’s a Hitler-lover.
Tall Aryan guy: I don’t care about the Hitler-lover thing as long as she’s hot. [High fives are exchanged.]
–Fordham University Rose Hill, Bronx
Dude #1: The Japanese can’t be that racist!
Dude #2: All I’m saying is, drop another couple of nukes on them and they’re still going to hate the blacks.
–Eastchester & Morris Park, Bronx
British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.
–1 train
Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!
–Bronx Science engineering class
Overheard by: LSB
Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?
–41st & Broadway
Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.
–1 train
Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: Ashley
Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: still recovering
Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Oh My God
Clerk: What’s that symbol on your shirt?
Chick: It says ‘Nepal.’
Clerk: What’s Nepal?
Chick: It’s where the Dalai Lama lives.
Clerk: What’s the Dalai Lama? Is that an animal?
Chick: Yeah, it’s like a Yeti.
Clerk: Oh.
–Pelham Pkwy
Overheard by: raginggoatboy
Three-year-old boy: You are cranky.
Mother calmly pushing cart: Do you even know what that means?
Three-year-old boy: No. You are cranky.
–Target, Bronx
Black belt girl: My father is a doctor.
Green belt boy: Wow! My dad is an ex-doctor!
Black belt girl: Ex?
Green belt boy: Yeah, he used to practice medicine. Now he just practices substance abuse.
–Martial arts school, Bronx
Overheard by: Oh, I practice that, too
Blonde: Do you ever pray?
Brunette: Oh, I pray a lot in the shower. It’s kind of weird because then I feel like God is watching me shower, but then I remember that he’s obviously seen all that before.
–Webster’s Café, Bronx
Man: Well, at least if you get deported you’d get to go somewhere exotic. If I get deported I go back to the Bronx…
–Barnard College
Conductor, as rap music blares through speakers: Yo, this is a shout-out to all my niggas keepin’ it real on the 1 train. Takin’ the 1 to the Bronx at four a.m. — that’s gangsta, son!
–Bronx -bound 1 train
Female employee: I’m so annoyed… so annoyed. This morning there was a dead body near the Bronx train station. It made me late for work. The train was sooo crowded. I hate that! I hate when we are all packed in the train like sardines!
–Fox News Channel newsroom
Chick: He’s either retarded… or from the Bronx.
–Hell’s Kitchen
Overheard by: mokee
Russian guy, about the cold: Ah, such beautiful weather, I love it!
Daughter: Mmm-hmmm, whatever.
Russian guy: If I was a negro, I wouldn’t like this weather, either.
–Orloff Ave, Bronx
Teacher: Why shouldn’t they ban the N-word in New York City?
Black kid: Because it’s my favorite word!
–Wings Academy, Bronx
