Tourist girl #1: Oh, yeah, I totally remember this spot.
Tourist girl #2: Yeah, this is the exact spot we got robbed last time we were here.
–Hard Rock Café, 43rd & Broadway
Tourist girl #1: Oh, yeah, I totally remember this spot.
Tourist girl #2: Yeah, this is the exact spot we got robbed last time we were here.
–Hard Rock Café, 43rd & Broadway
Little girl: Mommy, can we steal these?
Mother: Not today.
–N train
Overheard by: Shannon
Headline by: chris s.
Runners-Up:
· “Daddy and Timmy Take Mondays” – torqued
· “Monday’s Child Is Fair Of Face, Tuesday’s Child Robs the Place” – h
· “Remember, Rape First, Then Pillage.” – Kristen
· “Today, Mommy’s Going to Teach You How to Turn Tricks!” – jane
· “We’re Just Casing The Joint Today, Sweetie” – Paul K.
· “When Winona Learned Not to Ask” – Tory
· “Would You Pay Attention to the Calendar I Gave You?” – sr86
Seven-year-old ghetto kid: This is the Earth, yo!
–Earth Science Hall, Museum of Natural History
Dad to seven-year-old son: If you’re gonna steal somethin’, you gotta steal somethin’ you can sell.
–Museum of Natural History gift shop
Overheard by: rufus
Cowboy squinting at museum pamphlet with wife and kids: The Big… Bang? What’s that?
–Museum of Natural History
Child passing the Australopithecus couple: Look, Ma! It’s like you and Dad on your honeymoon!
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Dottie
Employee: Welcome to the Hayden Planetarium. Please turn off your cell phones, digital cameras, and small children.
–Museum of Natural History
Mother: Stop screaming! They can’t hear you!
–Museum of Natural History
Guy: Stop taking napkins!
Girl, continuing to take napkins: The problem is that Anna keeps stealing all my underwear!
–Smiling Pizza, Brooklyn
Overheard by: megan cuervo
Trendy girl: Yeah, well, it’s cheaper to steal cars in the US than to import them.
Fellow employee: Yeah, so he steals these cars and takes them way the hell out to the middle of nowhere… Like, Brooklyn…
–Office elevator, Park Ave South
Overheard by: way too much time on my hands
Tourist man: Honey, why don’t we just go back to the room?
Tourist woman: Okay. We’re all going to calm down. We’ve done everything we can do. The police report has been filed. We’re all going to forget. We’re going to take a deep breath, and we’re going to move on. A new trip, a new beginning. Our new objective is to simply maneuver from point A to point B without getting mugged.
–Outside Urban Outfitters, 72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Katie
Girl #1: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know. I’m thinking about returning it.
Girl #3, a minute later: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know! I’m hip hop.
–Williamsburg
SUNY purchase student #1: My fucking head hurts.
SUNY purchase student #2 pulling out bag of white pills: Dude, take these pills. You’ll feel better.
SUNY purchase student #1: Uh… What are they?
SUNY purchase student #2: Uh, codeine I think? I don’t know. Yeah, I stole them from a kid at the party last night. He said he found them in a garbage can.
SUNY purchase student #1: Jesus, dude, no.
–Grand Central
Driver: Some people want to go to work, some people want to go home, some people want to go into your pockets… Watch for pickpockets.
–B44 bus
Overheard by: Katia
Bus driver: This is the express bus to Boston. We’ll arrive at 10:00, 10:30, whichever is earlier.
–Port Authority bus terminal
Bus driver: Happy New Year’s everyone. This is the New Year’s bus. I hope someone is looking over my roasted pork chops in the oven back there. I got some collard greens and potatoes cookin’ as well. Let’s get this bus movin’.
–101 bus, 68th & 3rd
Overheard by: Sashanyc
Bus driver who wouldn’t let anyone pay to get on, claiming she’d won the lottery: Nice day today, huh? Y’all wanna go to the beach? Bring a blanket? Three p.m. — meet me at a secret location. MTA going your way! They won’t mind if I take it for a few hours. Madison is next.
–M79 bus, 79th & 5th
Overheard by: mar
Bus driver to boarding passengers: If you have a name that starts with a letter, move to the back of the bus.
–86th St crosstown bus
Overheard by: Hannah Rose
Black guy #1: Dawg, we been waitin’ here for a min– I think someone done jacked my shit.
Black guy #2: What? Yo, you serious?
Black guy #1: I’m for real. All my Sean John, Fubu — all my damn gear was in that shit.
Black guy #2: Nigga, don’t worry, just jack someone else’s shit. Don’t matter noway.
–Baggage claim, JFK
