FDNY in uniform, waiting for firemen who were grocery shopping: He kept saying, “you're gonna get caught! You're gonna get caught!” but I just took off the tag, put them on my face and just walked out of the store!
Civilian he was talking to (looking shocked and equally disgusted): Oh.
–Whole Foods, Houston & Christie
Gay black hipster to cop: Officer, of course he stole my five dollars! It was mine. It was right there.
Straight white hippie: I did not take anything of yours.
Gay black hipster to cop: Officer, who are you gonna believe, him or me? I mean, look at him–he's not even dressed well!
Straight white hippie: Dude, I hope something seriously bad happens to you.
–Union Square Subway Station
Woman #1: That's a nice necklace. Where did you get it?
Woman #2: Lord & Taylor.
Woman #1: I can't go there anymore since they caught me shoplifting.
–Uptown 4 Train
Man with four traffic cones slung over his shoulder: They took our fuckin' cones, man.
Friend: They what?
Man: I'm taking our fuckin' cones back. They stole our fuckin' cones.
–5th Ave & 13th St
Woman: Hey, who's the kid?
Friend: Oh, he's coming with me for “Take Your Kid to Work Day.”
Woman: I didn't know you had a son.
Friend: I don't. This is my nephew. He was stealing money from my purse, so I'm gonna make his life hell for a day.
15-year-old (sarcastically): Yeah, because any day I get to miss school is total hell for me.
Friend: Shut your hole or I'll leave you for the hobos!
–F Train
White guy to friend: Do they eat Thai hookers? I'd eat a Thai hooker.
–47th & Lexington
30-something pudgy guy: So this girl was eyeing me the whole night, and it turns out she was a prostitute! And I was like, "Man! I thought she really liked me!"
–Bleecker St & 6th Ave
Girl in tight purple dress and too much makeup, shouting to friend: I am not a prostitute. I'm a ho!
–Phone Booth, Coney Island
Overheard by: not going there
Mom to son: I'm not a two-dollar hooker! More like a…hundred thousand dollar one.
–Park Ave
Elderly man to another: You just can't run a country like a whorehouse.
–12th St & Ave A
Girl on cell: You stole my secret prostitute name!
–7th Ave & LeRoy St
Guy selling purses out of a suitcase: Coach, Gucci, Prada! Purses for cheap!
Tourist lady: Are these real?
Crowd of shoppers: (no response)
Tourist lady (louder): Are these real?
Crowd of shoppers: (no response)
Tourist lady: Did you steal these?
–Canal St.
(admiring statues next to the Time Warner Center)
Construction worker #1: I like those statues a lot.
Construction worker #2: Steal 'em!
–58th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Stefan Lawrence
Teenage hipster to friend: Oh look, it's the Hannah Montana lip gloss I stole from a little kid!
–Uptown F Train
Overheard by: Joy
Big thug: Hey man, I'm not gonna even lie: selling candy on the train keeps me from robbing and stealing from most of ya on the train today… Hook a nigga up!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Cashiem Evans (da mad blogger)
Schoolgirl dressing down another: You took the whole backpack? Why didn't you just take what you needed to steal and leave the bag there?
–DeKalb & Clermont, Clinton Hill
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Lady on cell: So you know what happened? He stole my deodorant, and you know what was under it? My hundred dollars!
–Metro-North, 125th St Station
Overheard by: That must be some expensive deodorant
Woman yelling into cell: Don't rob them, they're Danish!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Tina
Guido chick: Hey, you over there. Yeah you, ain’t you Dwayne?
Thug: Yeah, what’s it to ya?
Guido chick: It’s me, Gina, from the neighborhood. Whatchya doin’ all the ways out here?
Thug: Workin’, babe, workin’.
Guido chick: Workin’ on what?
Thug: It’s pickpocket season. Now’s the times I makes my money.
Guido chick: Bitch, you best not be stealin’ from my family! I’ll bust a cap in ya ass and then tell my Uncle Carmine.
Thug: Don’t worry, bitch, I only hit on the tourists.
Guido chick: Okay, babe, see ya in the neighborhood. Come tell me how it works out.
–Wintergarden Theatre
Overheard by: Annmarie
