Fat woman #1: Listen! I am telling you that that bitch stole my cat! I am absolutely positive that she mothafuckin' stole my cat!
Fat woman #2: Girl, she probably did, she's crazy. What made you so damn convinced that she did it?
Fat woman #1: Because I got a mothafuckin' text message from her sayin', “meow.”
–Liquor Store, Brooklyn
Little boy holding bunch of flowers: Here comes the bride! Here comes the bride!
Nanny: Okay, but we have to pay for those first.
Little boy: Nooo!
–Outside Fairway near 74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Tigertail
Guy: So he finally got the guy away from the mark.
Girl: Wait, who’s the mark?
Guy: The new guy she’s fucking.
–14th & 8th
Stylish girl #1: Devorah Rose now claims she was mugged at gunpoint. What some people will do for fame! Gross!
Stylish girl #2: Yeah, I heard that they stole her penis.
–Upper East Side
Woman: One time this guy punched me…but it was alright, cause I was on coke.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Laura Grossman
Female hipster on cell: I'm coked up and all alone, Harvey, how do you expect me to feel?
–Humboldt & Ainslie, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Joseph Hernandez
Girl on cell: I haven't done coke in like a week. It's been a rough week.
–Upper East Side
Hot 20-something tourist girl to friend: Pfft, the Meatpacking District. That's false advertising…I got no meat packed in me last night. All I did was steal that bag of cocaine from those guys.
–Broadway & Wooster
Overheard by: ClassyGal
Female 20-something on phone: Yeah, he realized it was too late when he couldn't tell the difference between the piles of sugar, the piles of flour, and the piles of cocaine.
–Central Park
Dad: Jesus, we're going to get mugged in here.
Four-year-old: Dad, what does “mugged” mean?
Dad: It means “assaulted.”
–Morningside Park
Overheard by: Leonard
Angry teen on cell: I'm not gonna pay 18 dollars for a wedgie!
–Lingerie Department, Macy's
Overheard by: me neither
Girl on cell: I don't have a problem with camping, but why do they have to give me a sleeping bag? Can't they give me linens? It's not like I'm not giving them an insignificant amount of money.
–W Broadway & Grand
Suit on cell: At first I was only making $30,000 a year, but last year I got shot in the foot, and then I got a $1,000 bonus, so now I'm making $32,000 a year. Shit!
–F Train
Overheard by: Brittany Smith
Loud woman on cell: I like and don't mind fucking you, but I need to get paid. I'm unemployed right now.
–108th & Broadway
Elevator operator for observatory, upon leaving: Please come again! We want your money.
–Empire State Building
Old guy in dark suit to young guy in dark suit: You're not embezzling money!
–48th & 8th
Chick: He bumped against me. He said, “I’m sorry.” I said, “That’s OK.” I didn’t realize he was shoving me out of the way to take my seat!
–F Train
Woman: Usually when the bill is over $70 a person I steal something.
–Bensonhurst
A homeless man steals money from a yuppie/African immigrant, who promptly grabs the homeless guy and wrestles him to the floor.
Hobo: I ain’t bothering you! I ain’t bothering you!
Passenger #1: I’m betting on the black guy!
Passenger #2: They’re both black!
Passenger #1: I’m betting on the blacker guy!
The immigrant throws the homeless man out of the car at the next stop.
Passenger #3: Man, he’s tough! Back in his country, they don’t have McDonald’s to go to for dinner! They hunt rhinos over there!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
