Brunette, after woman walks away from her: Oh great, now I can stick my hand up my skirt.
Blonde: Oh, perfect timing!
–Victoria's Secret, 86th St
Brunette, after woman walks away from her: Oh great, now I can stick my hand up my skirt.
Blonde: Oh, perfect timing!
–Victoria's Secret, 86th St
Guy #1: I was sleeping and someone came in and stabbed me in the head three times! Next thing I know I'm in a coma for two months!
Guy #2: Whoa…was you high?
Guy #1: High?! Man, I was sleeping! How can I be high when I asleep?
Guy #2: Oh…
–F Train
Overheard by: cs
Columbia girl, looking at cell phone: Oh shit, I have like five missed calls from State Department! Should I call them back? Is it too late now?
Columbia guy, bewildered: What? The State Department?
(girl's cell phone rings)
Columbia girl: Hi, daddy. Well, I realize that, but I just got them. Well, do you think it's too late to call back now? Okay, I'll call them ASAP.
Columbia guy: What did your dad say?
Columbia girl: He told me that when the State Department calls, you should probably answer.
–Le Monde, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: bored prof
Woman #1: She spends mad time on Rikers.
Woman #2: Wait, didn't she do time on Rikers?
Woman #1: Well, yeah. She goes back for the sentimental value, you know, girl?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: pomy
Model-looking chick: Hey, sorry I'm late. I had to work extra hours at work today.
Not-so-model-looking chick: No problem, that sounds like it sucked, what did you have to stay after for?
Model-looking chick: Oh, I fucked my client.
–13th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: smoking on your stoop has its uses
Girl #1: Yeah, and I read that Hitler didn't really make the trains run on time. You know how they say he made them run on time? He didn't. They were always late. I read a study.
Girl #2: Of course! Because Nazis are evil! Evil people can't make trains run on time!
–Ladies' Room, Office Holiday Party
20-something woman: You know a lot of people are busy. Too busy to talk to you.
20-something man: What do you mean?
20-something woman: If you tried to talk to me when I got off the train, I would keep walking.
20-something man: Why?
20-something woman: Some people work hard and are too busy to talk to you. I am one of them.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Paula
N train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, "stand clear of the closing doors" does not mean "throw yourself into the closing doors inflicting bodily harm to yourself."
–N Train
Sassy male train conductor: Yo! Release the doors so the train can leave the station! There's another train behind this one. We can wait here all day, ladies and gentlemen, I'm already at work. (pause) Okay, well it seems that people just aren't ready to move yet! Oh…oh…there we go! Well done! How about a round of applause?
–A Downtown Express
Train conductor over loudspeaker: We're having a problem with the doors. That's not me closing them on you. These doors have a mind of their own.
–NJ Transit
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please stand clear of the closing doors. If I catch you holding the doors open, I will push you off the train and if you don't die, then you'll have to catch the next one.
–NJ Transit
Irate conductor: Ladies and gentleman, putting your baby stroller between the closing doors is a wonderful way to show your child that you care. It will also save on college tuition. There will be another q train, but there will never be another baby like that one. Please stand clear of the closing doors.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Himani
Daughter: But if we don't put them in on time we won't be ready! They're coming over and we have to start soon or we won't be ready!
Mother: Then there's only one option…suicide.
–Greenwich Café
Bus driver: We should be arriving in Port Authority soon, hopefully at our schedule arrival time, but it all depends on the Lord of the tunnel.
–Port Authority Bus
Overheard by: Emily
M60 bus driver, under breath, to traffic ahead: Mush. Mush. Yeah, mule. Mush. Git along.
–106th & West End
Bus driver on PA: Madam, don't let your children swing on the hand bars…this is not a jail.
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: bonoboxoxo
Funny bus driver in soft-spoken jazz voice: This is Madison Avenue. If this is you, get out. I wish I was getting out. Does anyone know how to get out? Next is Park Avenue…or it's not. Is anyone listening? Thanks for the smile.
–M16 Crosstown Bus
Announcer on bus (waiting for someone to request a stop): Come on, my line's open. Someone dial my number. Come on, you know the number! (a passenger requests a stop) There we go! Thanks for calling! I knew you would!
–M16 Bus
Overheard by: alli
