Guy: I can understand her sleeping with my best friend on my couch and all…
Girl: But the falling in love thing? That’s just rude!
–Union Square Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: suzz
Guy: I can understand her sleeping with my best friend on my couch and all…
Girl: But the falling in love thing? That’s just rude!
–Union Square Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: suzz
Whining young boy: I can handle it!
Stern mother: We have a dying hermit crab at home. You cannot handle it.
Whining young boy: But I'll feed it every day!
–3rd Ave & 16th Str
UNICEF lady: Excuse me! You look like a nice lady!
Black lady: I’m not.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Shanaca
Well-dressed woman: So, we should have a threesome…
Well-dressed man: Yes, probably…
–10th & 3rd
Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I'm serious, if you watch porn, you won't have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.
–Brooklyn
Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin' all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?
–Bowling Green Station
Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don't, they're lying. Even the Pope masturbates!
–Union Square
Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It's not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!
–Outside Starbucks
Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what's the problem with that?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert G.
Young hipster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cigarette from you?
–Prince St
Overheard by: Kristen W.
Flight attendant on PA: We’d like to remind you that this is a non-smoking service to London, but passengers are permitted to smoke outside the cabin at any point during the flight.
–British Airways Flight to Heathrow
Crazy man: Smoking leads directly to prostitution!
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: voluptuousgrl
Dude: I’ve been smoking since I came out of my mom’s cooch.
–Hop Scotch Cafe
Woman with raspy voice: Man, cigarettes are so expensive now. When I started smoking, it was only a $1.25 a pack. Unless I bought them off my mom, she only charged 75 cents a pack.
–4 Train, Union Square
Overheard by: Christine
Mom to seven-year-old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cigarette. (looks around nervously at other audience members) Well, not that you smoke.
–Intermission, Rent
One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he's lookin' at me like he ain't never seen nobody stealin' before!
–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick
Overheard by: matthias
Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls' shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…
–2nd Ave & 4th St
Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ali
Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Renny
Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he'd go steal it for me. That's what sticks with you, you know?
–1 Train
Overheard by: RDM
Puerto Rican Mets fan in day parade, singing: "Aye girl, lemme smell yo feet, aye girl lemme smell yo feet, oooh oooh oooh, lemme smell yo feet."
–Union Square
Egg-shaped man with cane, singing to the tune of "What a Wonderful World": I see little boys, and little girls, they have good parents, but they get screwed up anyway… And I think to myself, I love the babies…
–L Train
Large woman, to the tune of "We Are All One Body": "We ain't with no retards! We man's chil'ren of the world!" (female friend sits across from her) I wish I could fuck every girl in the world!
–Metro-North Rail
Thug, dressed top to toe in Ed Hardy gear, singing in Eva Gabor accent: "Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue!"
–51st St & Park Ave
Boy in hallway, singing: "Don't want to close my eyes, don't wanna fall… (laughter from inside closed apartment) Heh-heh… Shutthefuckup!
–NYU Dorm
Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.
–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Dara
Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty
–59th St Subway Station
Overheard by: nickporjr
Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.
–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…
–21st St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Sean
Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!
–104th & West End
Overheard by: communist!
Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing.
–Court St & 2nd Place
Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina!
–23rd & 7th
Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours!
–Hudson River Bike Path
Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream.
–NYU Dorm, Union Square
Overheard by: Erica Fuld
Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina!
–W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave
Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like?
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Liz
