NYU chick #1: So in my class today we were talking about eunuchs — you know, like from the middle ages and shit — and whenever I hear ‘eunuch,’ I think of Munich, like the city.
NYU chick #2: Um… Maybe because it rhymes.
NYU chick #1: No shit it rhymes, but whenever people talk about China do you start to think about a vagina?
NYU chick #2: You’re weird.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: thank god i’m not in college anymore
Hipster chick: I’d like to get my eyebrows done.
Korean woman: You have boyfriend?
Hipster chick: Uh… no.
Woman: No wonder. You have hairy upper lip.
Hipster chick: Okay…
Woman: No worry — we clean up — you have many boyfriend.
–Beauty parlor on W 8th St
Overheard by: I just came in for a pedicure
Girl #1: I had to close my account.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I wasn’t creeping anyone out. Like, the other day some guy IMs me, and I tell him that I’m really into short guys, like five foot three and under, because I want to feel like I’m fooling around with a little boy.
Girl #2: What did he say?
Girl #1: He asked me if I wanted to meet up. Lavalife freak.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Alex
JAP: Ew! I think the turkey in this salad is ham.
–30th & 7th
Overheard by: AJ Stone
Sparkling conversationalist: I couldn’t eat for a while. It destroyed my appetite, and it totally killed the tapeworm. So tonight I can eat a good amount, but not a tapeworm amount.
–Lafayette between 4th & Astor
Overheard by: uncle frank
Girl: I hate eating fish, except when my grandma makes it. She makes it taste like beef.
–Central Park
Girlfriend to boyfriend: It wasn’t just the egg roll, Jerry; it was all of last week.
–Washington Square
Discerning sniffer: It smells good in here…like Spam.
–Medical office, Canal & Bowery
Thug: Yo, do I still got mad hummus on my lip?
–F station, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: cara
Woman to little girl: You stick that in your mouth now before I shove it down your throat! I bought that ice cream, now stick it!
–11th & 1st
Overheard by: Jamieson
Woman: Aren’t your feet hot on the pavement?
Little barefoot boy: Yeah, but that’s okay. The ground is really hot, too.
–Washington Square Park
Guy: Let my put it this way: if a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the hell do you think a humanitarian eats?
Girl: Oh, shut up.
–Hayden Hall Residence, Washington Square West
Overheard by: Kristina Y
Tour chick: …And up that street is the gym. I’ve never been in there but I’m sure it’s full of glistening weights and…I don’t know…glistening bodies…
–Washington Square Park
Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.
–Washington Square Park
Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!
–2 train
Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: basselope
Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad…
–Stop and Shop, Astoria
Overheard by: Dan
Tourist woman: …But I thought that the Arc de Triomphe was in Paris.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Jill Maclearie
Guy on cell: Yeah I know her, my sister went out with her when she was still a man.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Barry Divola
