Weirdness

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liner

Lady to dog: Pee! Pee! Pee! Poo on the universe!

–E 9th St

Overheard by: Jen

Well-dressed woman to little dog: Baby, those are cars. Cars are not our friends. You must always stay away from them… Are you listening to me?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Murphy

Woman, shrieking at barking dogs: Stop being crazy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: NB

Woman to Shih Tzu: Yo! I'm walking you, you're not walking me–calm down!

–109 & Manhattan Ave

Dog walker to dog, ranting: Bailey, I am so angry with you! (dog wags tail) Don't you even look at me right now! (yanks dog's leash) I'm taking the television out of your room! No more American Idol for you! (storms across street)

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: allison

Woman to dog sniffing random things: Focus. Fo-cus. Shit.

–Melrose & Wilson

Overheard by: richhorner.com

All the World's a Wednesday, and the People Merely One-Liners

20-something man, during West Side Story, when Tony climbs in bed with Maria: Get it, son!

–Palace Theatre

Old man, leaving theater after seeing Hair: I told you we should have seen Mary Poppins.

–45th & 8th

Overheard by: Leela

Girl, looking at a barricaded rally: Oh my god, it is so Les Miz up in here.

–48th St & 6th Ave

Long Island woman to friend, leaving the theater after Mary Poppins: That wasn't anything like the movie. The movie had cartoons, this was real people.

–Amsterdam Theater, 42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: MikeyMouse

Man to friend, during Waiting for Godot: Oh my god, you know what would make me really pissed? I'd be so angry if that Godot guy didn't show up at the end of the play.

–Studio 54

Woman to husband, during Waiting for Godot: Is this a musical?

–Studio 54

Overheard by: Hannah

Wednesday One-Liner: The Diet Of Choice for Teenage Girls

Dude to another: One of us threw up in Joanna's underwear drawer, so she was really pissed.

–181st & Bennett

Girl to another: Well, you don't want to throw up in front of the guy you just had sex with!

–7th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Girl in diner booth: I'm about to throw up in my pants.

–Henry & Court

Overheard by: Alex

Train conductor lady: I am not playin'. People need to get home. Get all the way in or get off. If you are vomiting, please exit the train. I will keep this train right here and kick off every damn one of you wearing green.

–Penn Station, St. Patrick's Day

Guy, vomiting on tree: Man, fuck that tang.

–Carlton Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Zoe

Sometimes You Just Wanna Pinch Wednesday One-Liner's Cheeks

Gay guy: You know what's so cute, is Europe.

–Mott & Prince

Overheard by: Anna P.

College girl to friend: And I'm like "No, you can't chew on the couch. You can't have couch for breakfast." (pause) But what about you, are there any cute guys in your dorm?

–Downtown 1 Train

Girl on phone: Oh-h-h-h my gawd, girl, you don't even know! And then he goes "Damn, girl you in Delta Gamma? Nothing goes down faster than an anchor!" And then I was just like "Shut up!" but I did it anyways, I mean… he was cute.

–Gates to Fordham University

Man on cell picking through garbage can and walking away with trash in hand: Oh my god, I just found the cutest belt in a trash can! Honestly, the things people throw away!

–118th St & Amsterdam Ave

Gay guy marching in protest to another: The guys in this protest are much cuter than at the last protest I attended.

–63rd St & Broadway

After One Of Those, You Have to Clean the Bathroom and Your Entire Body

Guy #1: You know when you have to take the kind of dump when you have to take your shirt off?
Guy #2: Yeah?
Guy #1: It was like that.

–Ave A & St. Mark's

…Resourceful.

Girl #1: When I was pregnant I was addicted to eating deodorant.
Girl #2: Damn, girl, that's just wrong!
Girl #1: It was so bad I couldn't even see my man in prison cause I couldn't go that long without some deodorant. Secret was good, but I didn't like that Dove shit. Sometimes I'd have to test that stuff out in the store. I'm all takin' a little lick, puttin' it back if I don't like it.
Girl #2: Shit girl, you're crazy.

–6 Train

Shit Invented People to Lug It Around

Girl coming out of Key Food with bags: All we do in New York is lug shit around!
Guy with bags: I know!

–30th St & Ditmars

But I Don't Smile for the Camera Anymore

Drunken woman: Know what? If he does that one more time I'm gonna nail-file my teeth down to my brain.
Drunken man: I did that once. Not as bad as you'd think.

–BBQ Place, Times Square

Dear Miss Manners– What Would a Polite Young Lady Say in Response?

Street hustler: Ladies, wanna get pregnant? Try angel.
Girl in group of three: Did he just ask if we wanted to get pregnant?

–36th & 7th

Overheard by: dani solina

Because It's My Turn

Person #1: Just take your pants off and try… please?
Person #2: No, I don't want to.
Person #1: Then why are you holding yourself?

–FAO Schwartz, 5th Ave

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