Suit #1: So I said to them “happy anniversary, here's your cemetery plot.”
Suit #2 (astonished): What? You really bought them cemetery plots for their anniversary?
Suit #1: Yeah. I knew he was gonna drop soon, so I bought them.
Suit #2: Well, I guess it's the gift that keeps on giving.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: LF
Guy: He is so weird!
Girl: Yeah, he really bothers me sometimes.
Guy: I can't believe he asked to have a threesome with you.
–13th & University
Woman: Someone told me that there was a dead squirrel around here.
Sanitation woman: Don’t worry, we threw it away.
Woman: Oh. Do you know where? I’d like to have it.
–Washington Square Park South
Overheard by: Biebs
Gangsta to friend: Yeah, so, she started jerkin' him off and instead of cum, man, it was blood!
Friend: Oh shit, nigga!
Gangsta: And then she got one of those knife sharpeners.
Friend: Fuck!
–189th & Belmont
Obnoxious girl singing Spice Girls loudly: Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want..
Bus driver, over mic: What d'you want?
–Q34 Bus
Overheard by: Donna
Crackhead to white girl: I want a little white girl. Okay, a little white lily, she so mad, I want a little white girl, not a black girl, they broke my heart too many times. You think I'm harassing you because you're white and I'm black.
Girl on train: I'm not white, okay? I'm not white, stop looking at me. I don't look remotely white, or Caucasian.
Crackhead: I'm not into fat girls, so I'll look somewhere else. I'm not into fat jokes, just black jokes. You probably think I'm into white guys, not white girls, just call me gay. Are you trying to slip away?
Girl on train: Did he just call me fat?
–Downtown 2 Train
Professor: Does anyone know where the term “Passover” comes from?
Student: It's because the Jews put blood on their doors so Jesus would pass over their house and not kill the first-born son.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: dundun
Woman: I told him I wasn't opposed to dinner just because he's had a vasectomy.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister
Preppy guy: They took cartilage out of his ear and put it in my nose.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
UES woman: I'm going to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.
–89th and Park
Overheard by: AeC and jRw
Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it removed
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.
–Elevator in the Hudson Hotel
Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay – it's just routine anal surgery!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Tam
Girl #1: So, do you and your twin sister look alike?
Girl #2: Well, if we’re standing next to each other we are, like, totally identical, but if you look at a picture of us, we look nothing alike… Do you want to take my picture?
Girl #1: Ummm…
Girl #2: Go ahead. You can take my picture.
–56th St, between 5th & 6th Ave
