Man: What's “gentrification”?
Woman: It's the process by which gritty neighborhoods turn nice.
–Bryant Park
Man: What's “gentrification”?
Woman: It's the process by which gritty neighborhoods turn nice.
–Bryant Park
Harridan: Put out that cigarette! Put it out! You can't smoke on the subway! Put it out!
Hobo: (puffs)
Bro: Sir, would you please put out the cigarette?
Hobo: Sure.
Bro: Thank you.
Harridan: You wouldn't put it out for me! Why did you put it out for him? Do you hate women? Was it your mother?
Hobo: He said “please” and “thank you.”
–2 Train
Man dressed in briefs, on Halloween, to policeman: I want you to arrest me! She didn't listen to me! I want you to arrest me right now!
–W 17th St
Overheard by: The Girl in Vintage Formal
Slightly buzzed 40-something man, in very loud hushed tone: I know your son is in jail! Isn't he?
–Mid-Manhattan Library
Man to another: They let him go because my daughter couldn't identify him. But now she got glasses.
–Ave B & 6th St
Overheard by: Miss V
Agitated man, yelling into cell: I don't love you. I hate you. I did ten years and got seven felonies for you.
–Brooklyn
Girl to another: So I wrote "we're being kidnapped' on a piece of paper and pressed it against the window.
–Famous Famiglia, 111th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Lucy
High school girl: That nigga just got *out* of jail. That reminds me, I need to go to Bushwick.
–Grand St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: rpk
MTA announcement, as train stops: We're being held momentarily by the train's dispatcher. Please be patient.
Tourist: What'd he say?! We're going to hell? Temporarily?
–W Train
Overheard by: Jason
Man to girl and friend: Excuse me, excuse me, are you New Yorkers?
Jersey girl, annoyed: No, I'm from Jersey, what do you want?
Man: I'm promoting a spa on 5th Avenue where you can get very clean.
Jersey girl, annoyed: No, I like being dirty. Goodbye!
(man looks surprised)
Girl's friend: She wasn't coming on to you. She means actually dirty.
–Penn Station
Loud guy running out of building: I'm so mad I could do stuff! I'm so pissed I'm going to do some stuff to him! Aughhhh! I'm gonna do some stuff!
Passerby: Don't make him mad, he's crazy. He'll do… stuff.
–NYU Building, Washington Square
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Boy: I've never drinken anything like this before.
Girl: You mean “drank”.
Boy: I've never drunk anything like this.
Girl: No, I think it's “drank”.
Boy: When would I use “drunk”?
Girl: When you're drunk.
–Time-Warner Bulding, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Barbara
Two-year-old boy: I see a saxophone! He's singing a saxophone!
Father: You don't sing a saxophone, you play a saxophone.
Two-year-old boy: That's not true!
–66th St
Overheard by: crazy cute.
Teacher #1: Any other food rules I should know?
Teacher #2: Don't eat bay leaves.
Teacher #3: “Babies”?
Teachers #1 and #2: Bay leaves.
Teacher #3: Oh. I thought you said “don't eat babies.”
Teacher #1: Have you read The Road?
–Middle School
Automated conductor: This is 30th Avenue. The next stop is Astoria Boulevard.
Guy exiting train: More like Astoria bore-levard.
(stranger nearby snickers)
Guy: Am I right? C'mon lady, I just changed your life with that statement.
–N Train
