N train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, "stand clear of the closing doors" does not mean "throw yourself into the closing doors inflicting bodily harm to yourself."

–N Train

Sassy male train conductor: Yo! Release the doors so the train can leave the station! There's another train behind this one. We can wait here all day, ladies and gentlemen, I'm already at work. (pause) Okay, well it seems that people just aren't ready to move yet! Oh…oh…there we go! Well done! How about a round of applause?

–A Downtown Express

Train conductor over loudspeaker: We're having a problem with the doors. That's not me closing them on you. These doors have a mind of their own.

–NJ Transit

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please stand clear of the closing doors. If I catch you holding the doors open, I will push you off the train and if you don't die, then you'll have to catch the next one.

–NJ Transit

Irate conductor: Ladies and gentleman, putting your baby stroller between the closing doors is a wonderful way to show your child that you care. It will also save on college tuition. There will be another q train, but there will never be another baby like that one. Please stand clear of the closing doors.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Himani