The Pitter-Patter of Tiny Wednesday One-Liners

Young boy: Fuck school! When I’m old enough, I’m just going to stay home and make babies.

–1 Train

College professor: Everything that is wrong in this world can be traced back to babies.

–40th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Just Trying to Smoke in Peace

Girl on phone: I’m going to have to cancel for a few different reasons. First, the baby hasn’t gotten all her shots. And more importantly, there’s something pecking through my wall! I’m really freaked out!

–Bleecker and Lafayette

Woman with three kids, after watching the eldest push the middle to the ground: What are you pushing him down for? Are you trying to upset my stomach so I lose this baby inside me?

–St Marks Place, Staten Island

Girl on cell: Well if she likes to have babies so much, why don’t she just be a … doctor!

–52nd & 7th

Professor: 42-year-old babies don’t have bones.

–Schenectady County Community College

Posted on May 2, 2020
Advice, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, College, Education, Fears, Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Not New York, On Cell, On the Subway, Philosophy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, School and studying, Sex, Staten Island, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Subway Base Jumpers Plan the Ultimate Video

Yuppie #1: I told James I could do it, but it would be better if I worked my way up to it.
Yuppie #2: Gotcha. You think I should film it? I guess I could always delete it…

–Q train

Overheard by: Ben Couch

Posted on April 22, 2020
Advice, Movies, On the Subway, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Need a Pamprin

Woman: When it’s a tampon, you can stick it anywhere.

–59th St

Overheard by: Rich

Woman on cell: …and then this big glop of bloody goop came out, and so I reached into the toilet and squeezed it to make sure it wasn’t a baby…

–13th & Broadway

20-Something chick: My shit bled like it’s never bled before.

–Elevator, 57th & 6th

Overheard by: Matt

Mulleted queer: Imagine if Virginia Slims designed a tampon!

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ‘nuther black charlie chaplin

Creative genius: Just imagine if I had a tampon gun!

–St. Mark’s

Woman on cell: Well, you can’t just go handing out sanitary napkins to everyone!

–15th & Union Square East

Loud girl on cell: Yeah, so he was going for it, and I was like, “No, baby, I can’t tonight,” and he was like, “Why?” and I was like, “I got it today,” and he was like, “Aww, then nothing for a whole week!”

–CVS, 58th & 9th

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Posted on April 8, 2020
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Blood & bleeding, Menstruation, One-liners, Poop, Pop Culture, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

But I Also Like Cleaning and Sucking Cock!

Hot southern girl #1: So, before I came up here my mom is like, "Be very careful around those northern boys, they think all southern girls just love to cook and fuck."
Hot southern girl #2: Oh my gosh, are you serious? They think that? That’s so messed up!
Hot southern girl #1: I know!
Hot southern girl #2: But I really do love to cook… And fuck.
Hot southern girl #1: I know… Me too.

–Union Square Cafe

Overheard by: Moving South

Posted on April 6, 2020
Advice, Bimbettes, Food, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Southerners, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Seek Asylum

Chick on cell: God, is she crazy? Even I wouldn’t do that, and I’m a total slut.

–39th St & 3rd Ave

NYU girl on cell: Yeah, she really is a crazy bitch. At least I’m getting a book out of it, though. I’m going to call it Next Year I’ll Be in a New Room, But You’ll Still Be Fucking Nuts.

–Washington Square Park

Conductor: Someone has lost a bag of marbles in the cafe car. I repeat, we have a bag of marbles found in the cafe car. Has anyone lost their marbles?

–Amtrak, Penn Station

Communications & media studies professor: I don’t mean to pontificate, but this is the last day of class and I have some important advice for you — never sleep with anyone who is crazier than you are. It can get you in a lot of trouble.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Switching Departments

10-year-old boy waiting for mom: Hooray, hooray, I’m insane, I’m insane, okay!

–Outside Met Food, Cortelyou Rd & E 16th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Leela

Posted on April 4, 2020
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Health and Hygiene, Psychology, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

God, Are You High-Maintenance, or What?

Drunk chick #1, as train approaches: Oh, no, here it comes! Quick, put on your sober face! [Drunk chick #2 stands up straight, takes a deep breath, and vomits all over the platform.] It’s okay, you look fine. Just don’t fall asleep on the train again.

–1 train

Posted on March 19, 2020
Advice, Drunks, On the Subway

And Give Michael a Break–He's Only Seven

Red haired woman: Damn it, Michael forgot to pack my lunch again. I am so pissed at him! Arrrrgh!
Big boobed woman: Shhh…shhh… Just get lunch at the store.
Red haired woman: Do they got ribs at the store? Do they got ribs at the store, Portia?
Big boobed woman: You could ask. They have pork.

–A Train

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on March 14, 2020
Advice, Anger Management, Default, Food, Gripes, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Women

…And How Did You Know?

Old, crazy-looking black dude: The problem, James, is that you’re letting pride go to your head!
White college kid whose name probably isn’t James: Who are you?

–Times Square station

Posted on February 15, 2020
Advice, Black People, Crazies, Students, Subway Stations, Times Square

Why Secretaries Exist

Guy #1, after telling something to friend: You should write that down.
Guy #2: On my arm?!
Guy #1: No, not on your arm, in a note.
Guy #2: I'm not gonna remember to check my note!
Guy #1: Then write on your arm, “check your note”!

–Q60 Bus

Posted on January 9, 2020
Advice, Body Parts, Bus, Guys, On the Bus, Weirdness

Just Another Five Minutes, Mom

Woman tapping bum who passes out leaning against newly-arrived train: Excuse me, sir… Sir! You’re leaning against the train and it’s about to leave!
Bum: Oh! Huh? Thank you.
Woman: Excuse me, sir? You’re still on the train… Get off of that train, you fucking bum!
Bum: Yes ma’am!

–Downtown 6 platform, Grand Central

Overheard by: off white

Posted on December 28, 2019
Advice, Grand Central, Homeless

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