I’m Wednesday One-Liners, and I Approve This Message

Ghetto black chick: I’m Hillary Clinton! Where my niggas at?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: arose

30-ish black woman: She can tell me what book to buy… She can recommend a good bra… But Oprah telling me who to vote for? I don’t think so!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: JoBell

Guido: I would blow Al Sharpton to be in my bed right now. I would caress Hillary Clinton’s asshole to be in my bed right now.

–F train

Overheard by: dat wint’ry mix

Hot chick: I mean, I love Bill Clinton, and I would have slept with him even last week, but he’s gone crazy!

–11th & 4th, Park Slope

Overheard by: bemused obama guy

Hobo: Hello! I am running for president! Vote for me and I’ll legalize marijuana! You can marry whoever you wanna!

–Deli, 12th & 6th

Overheard by: Nora, Bianca, and Ethan

Middle-aged white lady: Go Obama! Go Obama! I don’t know what he stands for, but I sure like to look at him!

–31st & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Scarfish

Black woman to male friend: I just find it ironic that a woman and a black man are running… And I’m going with the white guy.

–Café Mogador, East Village

Posted on February 20, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compliments, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guidos, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Park Slope, Penn Station, Politics, President, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, Women

Miss Teen South Carolina’s Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: I feel like I can relate more to retarded people than normal people.

–Broadway & Waverly

Girl on cell: What are you talking about?! She’s intellectually retarded. Hang on a sec, okay? Crap! They don’t have The Da Vinci Code.

–Outside The Strand

Black girl: … And we wasn’t laughin’ at him ’cause he got Down Syndrome… [Chuckles] We was laughin’ ’cause he was mackin’ on us so hard!

–Fordham University cafeteria, Rose Hill

Overheard by: So did the helmet get in the way?

Frat boy: Geez, bro, just when I thought you couldn’t get retardeder…

–Park Row

Overheard by: Passerby

Angry girl on cell: I was trying to tell her that she’s fucking retarded… in a very nice way!

–Fontana’s

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Fordham, Frat Boys, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Movies, On Cell, Restaurants & Cafes, Retardation, Stupidity, The Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, West Village

Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

Grad student chick: Yoda is not a relative. He’s little and green.

–NYU

12-year-old boy: I’m in a grey area right now as to whether Santa exists or not. I need more evidence.

–E 20th St

Overheard by: Dia

Customer to cashier: Frodo, it’s been real.

–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: I Am McLovey

Thug: You know what, nigga? I think all them zombies are racist mothafuckahs. You notice they always eat the brotha first? What are we, covered in mothafuckin’ chocolate? Do I look like a fondue fountain? That’s some bullshit.

–189th & Bathgate

Overheard by: Lyle

Hobo, in false British accent: Of all the dimensions in the universe, I had to end up in this one! New York — filthy, dirty, grimy. Greatest city in the world? Bah! I could have been fighting dragons with Merlin, but no! I had to end up here!

–6 train

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Crazy, Customers, Gripes, Hobos, Holidays, Kids, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On the Subway, Philosophy, Race, Staten Island, Store, Students, Thugs, Time

Wednesday One-Liners Are Famous for Being Famous

Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.

–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd

Overheard by: Jack

Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!

–Borders

Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.

–42nd & Broadway

Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!

–Wall St & Broadway

11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!

–E train, 50th St

Posted on February 20, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Death, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Liars, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Old People, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Store, Students, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Happy to Be Warm

Angry woman on cell: I don’t care if you are an ordained fucking minister, you can go straight to fucking hell!

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Last-minute shopper

Crazy lady into microphone: Just because you don’t do drugs or have sex doesn’t mean you’re not going to hell!

–Subway station, 43rd & Broadway, Times Square

Teacher: Let’s go to hell!

–Stuyvesant High

Hobo: Is this the train to hell? It is! Oh my god, you’re all in purgatory!

–A train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Geneva

Scruffy artist type, to self: I’m not in hell, I’m in New York. I’m not in hell, I’m in New York…

–Elevator, Bellevue Hospital

Overheard by: David

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Assholes, Crazies, Crazy, Drugs, Education, Hobos, Hospitals, Insults, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Psychology, Religion, School, Sex, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Women

Grandma, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!

Girl on cell: Stop talking about my grandmother’s ba-donka-donk!

–6th & 2nd

Girl on cell: So, she walked in on me getting out of the shower again this morning… Yeah, I guess I could put a lock on the door, but I’m really starting to think that my grandma just likes seeing me naked in the morning.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: dobby

Chick on cell: What should I get for Grandma? No, I’m not at a mall, I’m on the street… No, I don’t see anything she’d like, unless… Do you think Grandma wants a bong?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Heather

Dude to hot chick: I’d rather have sex with you than my grandma.

–1 train

Overheard by: bldlube

Guy on cell: So then he’s like, ‘Dude, are you in prison again?’ And I was like, ‘No, dude, I’m talking to you online. How could I be in prison?’ And he was like, ‘There was a computer when I was in prison. I mean, you had to suck dick to get online, but whatever.’ And I was like, ‘Dude, I’m at my grandma’s house. We’re having tea and shit.’

–E 14th St & Irving

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, College, Drugs, Family Ties, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Incest, Internet, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, Prison, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Words

Shake That Wednesday One-Liner! Watch Yo’self!

Ghetto girl to booty-smacking friends who knocked into passerby: Damn, girl! See what happens when you got a big ass? Innocent bystanders get hit!

–7 train

Overheard by: bill R

Young guy: I don’t know names, I just know booties and faces.

–11th St Pier

Truck driver to old lady standing off curb: Back that ass up!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Christine

Hobo to girl in striped spandex leggings: Ummm… Um, that’s some ass. I wish I could develop lockjaw and never let go!

–E 5th St, between 1st & 2nd

Middle-aged guy: … And so she’s like, ‘Why do you want a house in the Hamptons when you have a house in the city?’ Why? Because I can’t look at fine ass in the city.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Rosie

Posted on February 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The Rich Get Richer While the Poor Get Wednesday One-Liners

NYU fashionista: Oh my god — I am, like, so poor that my parents might sell my horse!

–Washington Square Park

Hipster girl: He grew up in a neighborhood so poor his purebred dog got stolen!

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Confused hippie: Wait, Mexicans carry Louis Vuitton bags? I thought that they were poor. Isn’t that why we’re supposed to feel sorry for them?

–Alligator Lounge, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Salvation Army bell ringer: Donate money for the poor! Do something good for once in your life!

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Katrina

Lady in fur coat to friend without one: Just go to Mexico — you won’t feel so poor there.

–Leaving Henri Bendel, 5th Ave

Posted on February 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Money & Class, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Counterfeit Wednesday One-Liners

Tourist on cell: So, what do you want me to bring you back from NYC? A fake Louis Vuitton bag? Or fake Chanel perfume?

–57th & 7th

Bimbette: I just don’t have the energy to have a fake conversation.

–LIRR

Overheard by: tired

Large black man laughing to self: They thought I was a fake doughnut.

–1 train

Overheard by: Craig

Offended girl: Look at this fake snow! It mocks us! Fuck you, fake snow!

–Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: In complete agreement

Posted on February 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Fakes, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Suitable Wednesday One-Liners

Handsome suit: He can totally clean my gutters anytime. He’s got the whole package.

–Exiting Sheraton hotel, 7th Ave

Suit on cell: It’s when someone urinates on you…

–19th & 7th

Overheard by: Golden Slumbers

Suit: No one ever wants any of my gum. It’s not poisoned! I might put something in your drink at a bar, though.

–A train

Overheard by: emilyc

Suit to another: That’s because all you eat is fully-cooked, non-contaminated food. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it…

–24th & 6th

Overheard by: Angi

Suit holding sexual harassment pamphlet, to HR department: I have conquered sexual harassment!

–102nd St

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Posted on February 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Suits, Talking/Convos, Wednesday One-Liners

All Wednesday One-Liners