All Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Are Famous for Being Famous

Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.

–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd

Overheard by: Jack

Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!

–Borders

Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.

–42nd & Broadway

Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!

–Wall St & Broadway

11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!

–E train, 50th St

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Happy to Be Warm

Angry woman on cell: I don’t care if you are an ordained fucking minister, you can go straight to fucking hell!

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Last-minute shopper

Crazy lady into microphone: Just because you don’t do drugs or have sex doesn’t mean you’re not going to hell!

–Subway station, 43rd & Broadway, Times Square

Teacher: Let’s go to hell!

–Stuyvesant High

Hobo: Is this the train to hell? It is! Oh my god, you’re all in purgatory!

–A train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Geneva

Scruffy artist type, to self: I’m not in hell, I’m in New York. I’m not in hell, I’m in New York…

–Elevator, Bellevue Hospital

Overheard by: David

Grandma, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!

Girl on cell: Stop talking about my grandmother’s ba-donka-donk!

–6th & 2nd

Girl on cell: So, she walked in on me getting out of the shower again this morning… Yeah, I guess I could put a lock on the door, but I’m really starting to think that my grandma just likes seeing me naked in the morning.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: dobby

Chick on cell: What should I get for Grandma? No, I’m not at a mall, I’m on the street… No, I don’t see anything she’d like, unless… Do you think Grandma wants a bong?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Heather

Dude to hot chick: I’d rather have sex with you than my grandma.

–1 train

Overheard by: bldlube

Guy on cell: So then he’s like, ‘Dude, are you in prison again?’ And I was like, ‘No, dude, I’m talking to you online. How could I be in prison?’ And he was like, ‘There was a computer when I was in prison. I mean, you had to suck dick to get online, but whatever.’ And I was like, ‘Dude, I’m at my grandma’s house. We’re having tea and shit.’

–E 14th St & Irving

Shake That Wednesday One-Liner! Watch Yo’self!

Ghetto girl to booty-smacking friends who knocked into passerby: Damn, girl! See what happens when you got a big ass? Innocent bystanders get hit!

–7 train

Overheard by: bill R

Young guy: I don’t know names, I just know booties and faces.

–11th St Pier

Truck driver to old lady standing off curb: Back that ass up!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Christine

Hobo to girl in striped spandex leggings: Ummm… Um, that’s some ass. I wish I could develop lockjaw and never let go!

–E 5th St, between 1st & 2nd

Middle-aged guy: … And so she’s like, ‘Why do you want a house in the Hamptons when you have a house in the city?’ Why? Because I can’t look at fine ass in the city.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Rosie

The Rich Get Richer While the Poor Get Wednesday One-Liners

NYU fashionista: Oh my god — I am, like, so poor that my parents might sell my horse!

–Washington Square Park

Hipster girl: He grew up in a neighborhood so poor his purebred dog got stolen!

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Confused hippie: Wait, Mexicans carry Louis Vuitton bags? I thought that they were poor. Isn’t that why we’re supposed to feel sorry for them?

–Alligator Lounge, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Salvation Army bell ringer: Donate money for the poor! Do something good for once in your life!

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Katrina

Lady in fur coat to friend without one: Just go to Mexico — you won’t feel so poor there.

–Leaving Henri Bendel, 5th Ave

Counterfeit Wednesday One-Liners

Tourist on cell: So, what do you want me to bring you back from NYC? A fake Louis Vuitton bag? Or fake Chanel perfume?

–57th & 7th

Bimbette: I just don’t have the energy to have a fake conversation.

–LIRR

Overheard by: tired

Large black man laughing to self: They thought I was a fake doughnut.

–1 train

Overheard by: Craig

Offended girl: Look at this fake snow! It mocks us! Fuck you, fake snow!

–Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: In complete agreement

Suitable Wednesday One-Liners

Handsome suit: He can totally clean my gutters anytime. He’s got the whole package.

–Exiting Sheraton hotel, 7th Ave

Suit on cell: It’s when someone urinates on you…

–19th & 7th

Overheard by: Golden Slumbers

Suit: No one ever wants any of my gum. It’s not poisoned! I might put something in your drink at a bar, though.

–A train

Overheard by: emilyc

Suit to another: That’s because all you eat is fully-cooked, non-contaminated food. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it…

–24th & 6th

Overheard by: Angi

Suit holding sexual harassment pamphlet, to HR department: I have conquered sexual harassment!

–102nd St

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Wednesday One-Liners Have Their Lawyers on Speed-Dial

Old man on cell: Oh, God, I was drunk out of my mind. I was drunk, drunk, drunk… Yeah, I was so drunk I don’t even remember being arrested. I woke up and I was like, ‘Where the fuck am I?’

–Washington Square Park

Buff black guy to small black guy: Maybe you should go to jail to get your weight up.

–153rd & Edgecombe

Overheard by: DaHustler

Guy on bench to friend: There is no way you’re not going to jail tonight.

–Outside Whole Foods

Overheard by: Big Apple repeat offender – just visiting

Tough guy on cell: Man, what are you worried about? So what if they brought you in? It’s not assault if you didn’t use a weapon, right?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Chicagoan in NY for first time

Guy on cell: That would have been worse! Then I would have been resisting arrest at a black tie event!

–35th St, between 8th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Jason

The Jabberwocky’s Wednesday One-Liners

20-ish guy to friends: Talk about sweat — I never swat so much in my life!

–Bleecker & MacDougal

Blonde: I’m not a naysayer! I’m not! I’m a yes-sayer… An ambiguous answer-sayer…

–Union Square

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Bimbette: Oh my god, I was dramatized! I couldn’t even look at him.

–Staten Island Ferry

Suit: I just walked into Barnes and Nizzle to take a wizzle.

–Barnes & Noble, 22nd St

Guy to friend: If the Yankees win the first two, it’ll be a swept.

–Rockefeller Center

Paint department clerk to customer: Do you want interior or outerior?

–Home Depot, Brooklyn

Supermarket cashier: I was actually valedictorian in high school, and I wore four-inch heels to graduation. And surprise, surprise — I falled.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners: The Musical

Crackhead singing to another: You don’t bring me flowerrrs anymorrre.

–Starbucks, W 4th & Grove

Drunk guy crossing street: No touching, ladies… I’m saving myself for divorce. [Sings] Iii’m saving myself for divorrrce!

–36th & Broadway

Conductor: Next stop, New York, New York. [Singing] New York, New York, oh what a beautiful city — New York, New York! [Speaking normally] Penn Station is next, folks.

–NJ Transit

Man running down subway stairwell, singing: At least it’s snowing!

–79th & Broadway

Overheard by: it wasn’t snowing

Girl, singing: I love tweeeed!

–Century 21

Man on bus, singing: I want a vagina for Christmas.

–92nd & 3rd

Brunette, singing: You put the sushi in your coochie and you turn yourself around — that’s what it’s all about!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist