Ghetto girl #1: Do these shorts make my ass look huge?
Ghetto girl #2: Girl, your huge ass makes your ass look huge, not those nasty shorts.
–H&M, Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: Aria Grillo
Ghetto girl #1: Do these shorts make my ass look huge?
Ghetto girl #2: Girl, your huge ass makes your ass look huge, not those nasty shorts.
–H&M, Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: Aria Grillo
Chick: There you go with that booty!
Booty-toting friend: You like that booty?
Chick: Yeah, that’s a nice booty. I just want to smack that booty right now!
–Columbia
Shapely woman, yelling over shoulder: Stop looking at my butt!
Clerk leaving store: I’m sorry, I can’t help it!
–The Village
45-year-old man: … And since I’m on my way to a business meeting, this drink I just bought you is tax deductible.
College girl: Well, that’s nice, I guess.
45-year-old man: Yeah, you’ve got a big butt and you’re tax deductible. That’s how I like them.
–Coffee Shop Bar, 14th St
Headline by: Snark Sloper
Runners-Up:
· “Accountant Pickup Line #65337-2366-26637-1” – Works For Me
· “Baby Got Back. — Cf, Form 1040 Schedule C Line 27” – chris
· “Monica Lewinsky: This Sounds Familiar…” – D. Kareem
· “Until She Capital Gains All That Weight” – Vasyl
Man on cell, playfully: Who are you? Who are you? Why are you in my house? Who are you? Where’s my wife? If I come home and you’re still there, I’m going to stick a hot sausage up there… A hot sausage up there! And a hot dog up your butthole. A hot sausage up there and a hot dog on the other side, and we’ll see who gets which one first.
–President & 5th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Nick Draven
Chick: I don’t know how much further up his ass I need to be. I mean, I’m already really far up his ass already…
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Alan
Hipster girl: … And then he had his finger up my boyfriend’s asshole!
–Cargo Cafe, Staten Island
Student: If a steak comes out of your butt, I’ll worship you. Screw school — you can just win bets by betting on whether a steak will come out of your butt. Just put a towel and move it away and be, like, ‘Ta-da!’
–CCNY
Overheard by: Liz
Man: I’m trying to work out to drop some weight.
Lady: Yeah, my girlfriend and I been goin’ to the gym to make our booties clap.
Man: Aw, yeah?
Lady: You know, makin’ em clap, gettin’ ’em right.
Man: Yeah, like, I seen this girl on TV — I think her name is Tastee…
Lady: That girl from Flavor of Love?
Man: No, not Toastee — like, a real girl, named Tastee. Her booty makes a sound like [claps his hands loudly three times]. It, like, smacks itself.
Lady: Damn.
–Rite Aid, Grand & Clinton
Overheard by: Beth P.
Old lady in wheelchair: Where are we going?!
Middle-aged son: Don’t worry, we’re getting there.
Old lady in wheelchair: All I can see is asses!
–Subway station, Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: meeples
50-ish woman: … And the chaps covered his front, but his whole backside was out for the world to see.
20-ish woman: Oooh!
50-ish woman: No, honey. There was no ‘Oooh’ about it.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: AdHoculi
Woman #1: You aren’t wearing stockings?
Woman #2: I would have a serious problem putting on lotion if I was.
Woman #1: Wow, you have a real tight ass. I could have sworn you were wearing stockings when I was patting down your ass this morning.
–LIRR
Mom to screaming child: Now, honey, I want you to be yourself, just not to everyone.
–3rd St & Ave B
Overheard by: amanda
British mum to eight-year-old son: Bobby, stop looking at the bloody NASDAQ.
–Outside Toys ‘R’ Us
Loud lady to son: Go stand in line behind that Mexican man! Don’t let him intimidate you!
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: jenmo
Dad to baby in stroller: Did you know that the price of copper is becoming irrelevant?!
–31st & Ditmars, Astoria
Overheard by: Scarfish
Father to young son: Why are you putting your butt on me?
–Brooklyn Industries, 9th & 7th
Man to son: Don’t you tell me to shut up! I just bought you a bunch of Star Wars toys!
–Macy’s
