Crotchless Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go.

–2nd St & Ave B

Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down?

–Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Linda

Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets!

–Starbucks, La Guardia airport

Overheard by: Allears

Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C!

–Victoria’s Secret, 57th St

Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy?

–Greene St & Prince St

Overheard by: deadzebra

Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties!

–PATH train

Overheard by: blkgirl

Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad?

–Broadway & Prince St

Overheard by: djingo

Posted on April 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Bimbettes, Cashiers, Clothing, Creepsters, Customers, Insults, LaGuardia Airport, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Parents, Porn, Rack, Religion, Shopping, Soho, Starbucks, Store, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Union Square and East Village

Mind the Gap (Stand Clear of the Closing Doors)

Chick #1: I went back on birth control this month. I’m using the Ring, except I don’t know if I’m using it right. I don’t want to take it out every time we have sex.
Chick #2: Wait, you shouldn’t have to take it out during sex.
Chick #1: That’s what I thought. Except, maybe I’m using it wrong, but I had sex and then afterward we couldn’t find it.
Chick #2: It can’t get lost up there!
Chick #1: It went so far up my cooter. And I swear I must have put my whole fist in there to fish it out.
Chick #2: There’s nowhere for it to go! It can’t get past your cervix.
Chick #1: How far up is my cervix?
Chick #2: Well, depends how long your vagina is. I think everyone’s is different. Maybe you have, like, a subway tunnel in there.

–Bleecker Playground

Overheard by: LMF

Posted on April 20, 2015
Advice, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village

Because I May Have Missed the Best Part

Bimbette #1: So, my mom was watching that Saddam Hussein guy get hung.
Bimbette #2: Oh my god! I couldn’t bear to see something that graphic! Ugh! I can’t believe they would air something like that.
Bimbette #1: Oh, dude I know… And to top it off, she was all, ‘This is like a bad gay porno, because he is so fucked’!
Bimbette #2: Wait, who are we talking about, again?

–Subway station, 30th Ave

Posted on April 20, 2015
Bimbettes, History & Geography, Porn, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., TV, Violence

Sniff, Sniff. It Stinks of Bitch Up in Here

Chick #1: One of my earphones on my iPod is completely busted.
Chick #2: Why? Do you listen to it really loud?
Chick #1: Yeah, on the subway. I try to drown out the noise.
Chick #2: I wish they made iPods for the nose so you could drown out the smell.

–Life Cafe Nine 83, Bushwick

Overheard by: Courtney C

Posted on April 18, 2015
Bimbettes, Body Parts, Brooklyn, iPod, Restaurants & Cafes

I think the Sincere Thing to Do Would Be to Get Plastic Surgery

Teen bimbette #1: Oh my God, she is like my idol!
Teen bimbette #2: I know right, mine too!
Teen bimbette #1: Oh my God! We should totally dress like her!

–Soho

Overheard by: rachel whited

Posted on April 17, 2015
Bimbettes, Fashion, Soho

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not the Freshmaker

Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee…

–6 Train

Overheard by: j

Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging.

–NJ Transit

Chick: You smell like vag and pizza.

–Borders

Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank.

–E Train

Overheard by: Nicole

College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade!

–1 Train

Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell?

–E 9th & 3rd

Overheard by: Peanut

Posted on April 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Ew, Jersey, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, On the Subway, Orgasm, Pee, Pizza, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Store, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

And Got Hooked on Their, Um, Phonics

Blond: How do you spell “Columbus”? Is it with a “u”?
Brunette: Yeah.
Blond: Right, it's the country that is spelled the other way.
(pause)
Brunette: You know I never recognized the two were spelled different until you just asked that.
Blond: I only know because I slept with Colombians.

–A Train

Posted on April 17, 2015
Bimbettes, Global Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Stupidity, Words

Lemming’s Night Out

Girl: Oh, I’m sorry, are you the bouncer?
Large man: No, I just came out to make a phone call.
Girl: Well, you look like you might have some authority. Are you sure you don’t want to see my ID?
Large man: Girl, you can get a drink wherever you want. I don’t give a shit.

–West Village

Overheard by: Gloria

Posted on April 16, 2015
Age/Aging, Bimbettes, Drinking & Drunk People, West Village

You Are the Weakest Link. Goodbye

Math professor: This weekend I saw an exhibit at the Staten Island Zoo about dinosaurs.
Blonde bimbette: You mean with real dinosaurs?

–College of Staten Island

Posted on April 15, 2015
Animals & Nature, Bimbettes, College, Default, Idiots, Questions, Science, Staten Island, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors

Bimbettes