Wednesday One-Liners Are Waiting for the Tooth Fairy

Lady on cell: I've been standing here for like fifteen minutes…I don't know which one to choose. It's so hard…it's been like years since I've bought toothpaste.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Doreen

40-something woman: I'm always wondering, is it teeth or tits?

–MJ Armstrong's Public House

Overheard by: JP

Girl to friends looking into camera: Jane* got the foreskin stuck in her teeth.

–Grand St, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: Your tooth came out last night. I didn't want to disturb you, but at least you have your other teeth in.

–Hester & Grand

Flustered strand employee: He left his teeth on the floor and just took off!

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Posted on December 24, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Duane Reade, Families, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Rack, Store, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Especially Right After She Takes It Out of His Ass

Girlfriend: Oh man, this soda tastes like my foot!
Boyfriend: How do you know what your foot tastes like? It could be delicious.
Girlfriend: Why do you always have to contradict me? I think it's a pretty accurate guess that my foot would not be too appetizing, Christ!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on December 23, 2008
Body Parts, Couples, Drinks, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Washington Square Park

I Hope You Sprayed Some Windex on It First

Ghetto Dominican guy: So I woke up and I was covered in blood, I broke my face on the soap dish.
Ghetto Dominican girl: Oh my god! Did you go get stitches?
Ghetto Dominican guy: No, nigga! I put duct tape on that shit, I cure myself!

–Queens

Posted on December 23, 2008
Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Dominicans, Health and Hygiene, Queens

From Complaining About the Discharge?

Patient: I think my boyfriend and I have contracted either gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Doctor: What makes you say that?
Patient: Well, he's having kind of a pussy discharge from his penis and a burning sensation when he urinates.
Doctor: And what symptoms have you been having?
Patient: Well, I've had a sore throat…

–NYU Medical Center

Overheard by: The nurse who just had to hear this story…

Posted on December 20, 2008
Body Parts, Doctors, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Pee, Penis, Questions, STDs, Stupidity

In That Case, We Need to Talk About Pants

Embarrassed teenage son: Mom, cross your legs.
Obese mother: They are crossed.
Embarrassed teenage son: No, they're not. Cross them more.
Obese mother: If I cross my legs any more I'll get a blood clot.

–G Train

Posted on December 20, 2008
Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Family Ties, Fat People, Moms, On the Subway, Teens

And I Realized a Detachable One Would Be Even Cooler

Guy #1: And you know if you use it too much, like if you fuck everybody it just…it falls off.
Guy #2: Yeah, that almost happened to me once.

–Elevator, Apple Store

Posted on December 19, 2008
Body Parts, Guys, Promiscuity, Sex, Store, Weirdness

And Now Here's Al Roker With the Wednesday One-Liners!

Homeless guy, giving umbrella to random white girl: This is for you. In case it rains. This (holding up alcohol bottle) is for me. You know why? Because I'm an alcoholic.

–Penn Station

Man to friend, about the Bruce Springsteen concert that night: You know what? If it starts raining, I'm just going to take off my shirt and scream the whole time.

–Penn Station

Girl: We're on an island, it doesn't snow here.

–St. John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Ang

Vendor: Man, I know why we're having to pee so much! It's because it's colder and our bladders are shrinking.

–Flea Market, 82nd & Columbus

Overheard by: EthanK

Woman yelling to complete stranger: It's not raining anymore! It stopped raining! You're the only one with an umbrella!

–Port Authority

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, College, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hobos, Men, Music, One-liners, Pee, Penn Station, Port Authority, Questions, Staten Island, Store, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

You Always Know Just What to Do

College girl to boyfriend who is hugging her and moving around: Babe! Whatever you just did, do it again! My nose finally cleared!
Boyfriend: Uh, farted?

–B Train

Posted on December 15, 2008
Body Parts, Boyfriends, Farting & Burping, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Students

Seriously, I — Hehe, That Tickles! Quit It!

Random old guy #1: What you doing there, kid?
Random young guy #2: Nigga, give me some space! Why you got your dick all in my ear, yo?

–Pitkin Ave & Mothergaston, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rich

Posted on December 14, 2008
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Guys, Old People, Penis, Questions

You Think Crack Might Be Part Of the Problem?

Blonde #1 to blonde #2: Lisa looks so tired, and has black circles under her eyes! Her skin is so pale, and it's the middle of the summer! I told her to get her hair cut, get a mani/pedi, and join a gym. But she doesn't listen. I don't understand! Why does she look so terrible?
Blonde #2: She's terrible looking, dude, that's why she looks so terrible.
Blonde #1: I guess that's a reason.

–C Train

Posted on December 14, 2008
Body Parts, Fitness, Girls, Hair, On the Subway, Physical appearance

Body Parts