And Now Here's Al Roker With the Wednesday One-Liners!

Homeless guy, giving umbrella to random white girl: This is for you. In case it rains. This (holding up alcohol bottle) is for me. You know why? Because I'm an alcoholic.

–Penn Station

Man to friend, about the Bruce Springsteen concert that night: You know what? If it starts raining, I'm just going to take off my shirt and scream the whole time.

–Penn Station

Girl: We're on an island, it doesn't snow here.

–St. John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Ang

Vendor: Man, I know why we're having to pee so much! It's because it's colder and our bladders are shrinking.

–Flea Market, 82nd & Columbus

Overheard by: EthanK

Woman yelling to complete stranger: It's not raining anymore! It stopped raining! You're the only one with an umbrella!

–Port Authority

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, College, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hobos, Men, Music, One-liners, Pee, Penn Station, Port Authority, Questions, Staten Island, Store, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

You Always Know Just What to Do

College girl to boyfriend who is hugging her and moving around: Babe! Whatever you just did, do it again! My nose finally cleared!
Boyfriend: Uh, farted?

–B Train

Posted on December 15, 2008
Body Parts, Boyfriends, Farting & Burping, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Students

Seriously, I — Hehe, That Tickles! Quit It!

Random old guy #1: What you doing there, kid?
Random young guy #2: Nigga, give me some space! Why you got your dick all in my ear, yo?

–Pitkin Ave & Mothergaston, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rich

Posted on December 14, 2008
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Guys, Old People, Penis, Questions

You Think Crack Might Be Part Of the Problem?

Blonde #1 to blonde #2: Lisa looks so tired, and has black circles under her eyes! Her skin is so pale, and it's the middle of the summer! I told her to get her hair cut, get a mani/pedi, and join a gym. But she doesn't listen. I don't understand! Why does she look so terrible?
Blonde #2: She's terrible looking, dude, that's why she looks so terrible.
Blonde #1: I guess that's a reason.

–C Train

Posted on December 14, 2008
Body Parts, Fitness, Girls, Hair, On the Subway, Physical appearance

From the Circus-Folk Version of Our Bodies, Ourselves

Cute 18-year-old girl, looking in a mirror: I can't believe I still have this pimple on my chin.
Older sister: Let me see. Geez, I think it's getting bigger.
Metrosexual brother: That's because she shaves her beard with the razor I use for my ass.

–Upper West Side

Posted on December 13, 2008
Ass, Beauty, Body Parts, Brothers, Family Ties, Height, Physical appearance, Sisters, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

You Should See Me Heal the Lepers

Train engineer #1, after train comes to a halt: Uh, I think we might have a problem.
Train engineer #2: Aw, not again…
Train engineer #1: Wait…hold on. Oh, there we go.
(train starts running again)
Train engineer #2: Ah! Such magical fingers you have…

–Metro-North Train

Overheard by: Eve

Posted on December 13, 2008
Body Parts, Coworkers, Magic, Public Transportation, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

With “Name That Classical Composer” As a Close Third

Drunk guy, loudly: Let's go! Let's go and drink and play drinking games!
Comparatively sober girlfriend: Shhhh, honey.
Drunk guy, even more loudly: Oh, who's in my mouth? That's my second favorite game. After Rock Band.

–Elevator, 15th & 7th

Overheard by: Whatever Happened to Scrabble?

Posted on December 12, 2008
Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girlfriends, Weirdness

I Got Thrown Going Around a Curve

College bro-dude #1: Man, I really fucked up my arm.
College bro-dude #2: Yeah. You need to get an x-ray.
College bro-dude #1: Man, I knew I shouldn't have fucked a fat chick.

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Posted on December 11, 2008
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Frat Boys, Medicine, Physical appearance, Sex, Weirdness

What Is It About a Wednesday One-Liner in Uniform?

Security guard to another: I know it's habitual to act retarded.

–Time Warner Security Check

Overheard by: spandangle

Security guard: The door's that way, people. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it–it's human nature.

–Crown Plaza Hotel, Times Square

Overheard by: GJL

Female security guard: What does my sexual genitalia have to do with it?

–Brooklyn Library

Little boy: Mommy, mommy, look! They've got security guards! Must be a rich people place.

–86th & Brooklyn

Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma'am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again?

–Liberty Island

Overheard by: heather linford

Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I'm going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you're stomach's gonna freeze!

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Honest Truth

Posted on December 10, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Coworkers, Crazies, Directions, Food, Hotels, Kids, Library, Moms, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, Pedophilia, Philosophy, Private Parts, Questions, Retardation, Security Guards, Strangers, Stupidity, Times Square, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Body Parts