Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.

–11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.

–Dining Hall, NYU

Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!

–Times Square

Overheard by: not another tourist

15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!

–74 Bus, Staten Island

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Bus, Cell Phone, Condoms, Cum, Education, Girls, Kosher food, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Bus, Paranoia, President, Sex, Staten Island, STDs, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Know a Guy

Girl: I normally go to planned parenthood for my STD tests.
Boy: Oh, no. I don't go to fancy places like that. I cart my ass to the projects for my tests.

–Water St & Wall St

Overheard by: Cheech

Posted on May 27, 2010
Boys, Girls, STDs, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

What Fun Would That Be?

Boy #1: What should we do tonight?
Boy #2: We should get a keg of root beer, and a keg of beer.
Boy #1: Or just a keg of beer.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Amused Passerby

Posted on May 20, 2010
Boys, Drinking & Drunk People, Fordham, Questions

…At Least Until Someone Less Awkward Comes Along.

Girl: But I don't want you to feel awkward.
Boy: It's okay. I love you more than feeling awkward.

–South Street Seaport

Posted on May 17, 2010
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Love, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires

I'll Take That As a Compliment.

Incredibly loud old black woman with cane, addressing two teenage boys with ponytails: Hey! You both got long hair! Are you faggots?
Boys, laughing: Nah, nah.
Loud black woman: You like dick?
Boy #1: Nah, we good.
Loud black woman: So you like pussy?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Boy #2: Yeah, we like pussy.
Random eavesdropping guy: I like pussy!
Loud black woman to boy #1: You a handsome motherfucker. You sure you don't like dick?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Loud black woman: Good. If you was a faggot I'd stick my cane up your ass.

–Uptown 1 Train

Posted on May 10, 2010
Black People, Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Laughter, Old People, On the Subway, Penis, Questions, Threats, Vagina

I Attended Paris Hilton's Debutante Summer Camp!

Boy to girl bending down at her locker: You shouldn't be bending like that, girl.
Girl, yelling after him: You don't tell me how to bend!

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on May 8, 2010
Advice, Boys, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Queens, Sex

Not with You, Though.

Girl: I just wanna go home naked.
Boy: Oh, really?

–6th & 32nd

Posted on May 6, 2010
Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Nudity, Wishes & desires

Paris Hilton: “That's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Boy: If my hand was botoxed, could I hold hot things without getting hurt?

–K-Mart, Astor Place

Drunk douchebag: If I was a gay guy, I totally wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend, unless it was with a hot chick.

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy to another, as smoking hot woman walks by: She's so hot I'd eat the corn out of her poop!

–42nd & Broadway

Guy to dinner date: I hate it when people tag me on Facebook. It's like, I'm in sweat pants! I'm a mess! I just ran three miles, leave me alone… You're gonna tag that?! Like "tap that." You're gonna "tag that"? (pause) What do you think about the waitress, pretty hot huh?

–Diner, Washington Heights

Overheard by: April Marks

Posted on April 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Botox, Boys, Clothing, Drunks, Facebook, Fitness, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Physical appearance, Poop, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Store, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners' Meters Are Running

Girl to boy: You're just upset that I kicked you out without shoes, and I didn't give you cab fare.

–Black Bear Lodge, 3rd Ave

Guy, after cab splashed water on him: That cab just jizzed on me!

–Broadway & Eagerly

Waspy queer on cell: No, no, take the subway. Just for the experience. Don't take a cab. Cabs are for spoiled people.

–M23 bus

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl, yelling into window of off-duty taxi: Fine! We're waiting for the cash cab anyway!

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on April 28, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Bus, Cum, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hotels, Kick, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Shoes, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

I Avoid the Ones With Seeping Screens

Girl, handing boy an iPhone with sleeping screen: Look at this.
Boy #1, tapping all over screen: How do you get this to work?
Girl: Press the button. (boy continues tapping screen) The round button. Press it. (boy continues tapping all over screen) The only button! (boy continues tapping all over screen everywhere except the button)
Boy #2: Wow, dude, you must be awesome with vaginas.

–Mooncakes Foods, Watts & 6th Ave

Posted on April 27, 2010
Boys, Cell Phone, Girls, Grocery Stores, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport