Wannabe Jew: Shprehen ze Deutche?
Religious Jew: Huh?
Wannabe Jew: Isn't that how you say “do you speak Yiddish?” in Yiddish?
Religious Jew: No.
(wannabe Jew looks around and walks away)
–Brooklyn Public Library
Wannabe Jew: Shprehen ze Deutche?
Religious Jew: Huh?
Wannabe Jew: Isn't that how you say “do you speak Yiddish?” in Yiddish?
Religious Jew: No.
(wannabe Jew looks around and walks away)
–Brooklyn Public Library
Woman: I changed my ringtone to “In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida.”
Man: Really?
Woman: Yeah. [sings song]Man: That’s “Hava Nagila.”
–The Thing, Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Young woman to another: I've done some soul searching. I'm now willing to believe it's not butter.
–Park Ave & E. 79th
Overheard by: andy
Annoying lady to worker who apparently mishandled her food: Apologize to the sandwich!
–Subway, Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Robert
Chick on cell: I try to eat as many acidic things as possible since I have a very creamy nature.
–35th & 7th
Girl on cell: Girrrrllll…he was meltin' me like butter last night.
–Bedford Ave & N 5th
Overheard by: Marleni
College guy: All molds are not created equal! Think about yogurt, man, it's all frickin mold!
–Columbia College Walk
Would-be CIA student on cell: Yeah, so I think my interview at the CIA went well. I think I'll really like it there. (notices people around him) …the Culinary institute of America! (everyone smiles)
–80th & Broadway
Overheard by: Roth Hall
Boy: My name is Jack* and I am not intimidating.
Girl: My name is Jill* and I am very intimidating.
Boy: Fortunately, I am a few drinks in, and not very intimidated.
–Bar, Brooklyn
Chick: Ugh! These aren’t even cold! I can’t believe this! Who’s the manager? I said, who’s the manager? Well, where is he?
Deli guy: Uh, over there.
Chick: Look! Look at these drinks! How do you expect me to drink these? They aren’t even cold!
Manager guy: We just put them in there.
Chick: I don’t care! I want a cold drink now!
Manager guy: I’m sorry you’re upset but it’s very hot today and we’re selling drinks faster than we can restock them.
Chick: I don’t care! I expect you to find me something cold to drink!
–Marche Madison, 74th & Madison
Overheard by: sarahg
Chick on cell: So, when are you going to watch the fireworks? Like, in the evening?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Andy Travis
Girl: Isn’t Rumsfeld gay? I mean, isn’t he, like, a known closet queen?
Queer: I don’t… Is he? Is my ‘dar off?
Girl: I think so.
Queer: No, I don’t. I can’t imagine any gay man would be self-hating enough to fuck Donald Rumsfeld.
Girl: Oh, please. Gay men have been self-hating enough to kill other gay men.
Queer: Yeah, but killing someone and fucking Rumsfeld are two very different things.
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: I’d rather kill someone
BBW: She had her first colonic when she was twelve.
–Brooklyn Heights
Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.
–Cafe des Artistes Bar
Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: EthanK
Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!
–N Train
Overheard by: Hannah
Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…
–56th & 1st Ave
Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!
–74th near Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!
–Clark & Herny
Overheard by: Lacy
Suit: My dick was totally in one hand pissing while I was talking to the client.
–48th & Madison
Drunk black guy, to white couple: She don’t want your small white cock! She wants a big black cock, nine and a half inches!
White girl: Ewww! I hate black wiener.
–Hall & Myrtle, Clinton Hill
Overheard by: Luigi
