80 year-old Italian teacher: You like fluorescent colors a lot, yes?
Girl: Yeah, I love them. They're great.
80 year-old Italian teacher: There are also people who love midgets. I know. It's an unfortunate love.
–Cooper Union, East Village
80 year-old Italian teacher: You like fluorescent colors a lot, yes?
Girl: Yeah, I love them. They're great.
80 year-old Italian teacher: There are also people who love midgets. I know. It's an unfortunate love.
–Cooper Union, East Village
Bimbette art student #1, pointing at fresh grapes: I don’t get why they call ‘olive-skinned’ people ‘olive-skinned’. No one’s skin is that color!
Bimbette art student #2, after closer inspection of fresh grapes: Yeah, but those olives look messed up, I think they’re fake. Real olives are, like, darker or something.
Bimbette art student #1: Yeah, those olives are too light, that’s it. No one’s skin is that color of… of light green.
Cashier: Uhm, are you ladies in line? Can I get you some… Grapes?
Bimbette art student #3: Yeah, those olives are totally fake, that must be it.
[Group leaves deli.]Cashier: Did that really just happen?
–27th & 5th
Woman: Wow, your face is really red! What happened, sunburn?
Cashier girl: No…allergic reaction.
Woman: Ooh…what are you allergic to?
Cashier girl: Rude, obnoxious and tactless customers.
Woman: Oh, so you get a lot of those, hmm?
Cashier girl: Ugh…Oh yeah, I forgot, and stupid ones that don’t get subtlety, either.
–Stop & Shop, Long Island City
Overheard by: mshorty
Boy #1, looking at picture book: Grapes are purple, corn is yellow, tomatoes are red, edamame is green.
Boy #2: I think those are peas.
Boy #1: What are peas?
–LIRR
Overheard by: loisann
Florist #1 (hanging up the phone) We just got a funeral.
Florist #2: Man or woman?
Florist #1: Man.
Florist #2: Goddammit! We have all these pink roses and nothing we can use them for!
Florist #1: We could always use them and hope that he was a flamer.
–Flower Shop, Greenwich Village
Principal: And can anyone tell me what is so significant about Barack Obama becoming president today?
Five-year-old: He's the first brown president.
–P.S. 290
Overheard by: TA who hears everything
Ditz, talking about shoes: They used to be so white… It makes me sad.
Friend: Try soaking them in soapy water.
Ditz: But then they'd be all wet!
–Central Park
Tourist #1: Last night I wasn’t really wild. I really want to be wild tonight.
Tourist #2: Last night you weren’t wild? I would actually be a little scared to see you go really wild, then.
Tourist #1: Well tonight I’m going to be really crazy. Tonight I’m going to wear my yellow dress!
–Eugene O’Neill Theatre
Man on bike: You see those boxes over there?
Freshman girl: The white ones?
Man on bike: Yeah, you see those?
Freshman girl: Yes. Those are white boxes.
Man on bike: And you see the truck over there? With the fridge in it?
Freshman girl: Yes.
Man on bike: Okay, just checking. I thought that's what they wanted us to think. (bikes away)
–Pratt Campus
Overheard by: Pratt student
Elderly woman yelling at man looking at map: Where you going? What color is your train? Is it yellow or orange? This train is green. You should get on a red train. (singing) Red, orange, yellow, green, blue. Oh, and brown. Can't forget that. Just don't go to Brooklyn. No. No. No-o-o-o. Not there.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl on phone: My friend said that's probably why I don't like Brooklyn–because I have the night of the living dead outside my window…
–Amsterdam & 112th
Upper East Side man: If you really want to rough it, go to Brooklyn.
–84th & 2nd
Little girl shouting: Everyone in this entire building is going to Brooklyn!
–Grand Central
