“Things That a Wife Would Say”?

Guy #1: Alanis Morissette wrote a song called Under Rug Swept? That’s like Dylan Thomas! Wait, no, that’s Under Milk Wood.
Guy #2: I have officially fired you from talking.

–Starbucks, 8th Avenue & 15th Street

Posted on June 23, 2015
Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Movies, Starbucks

Sailing Across a Sweet Rainbow of LSD and Frappuccinos

Cashier: And how are you today?
Girl with arm in sling, brightly: Hopped up on prescription painkillers. And yourself?

–Barnes & Noble, 7th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on June 21, 2015
Cashiers, Comebacks, Default, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Store

Homo Enough to Wanna Get Railed?

Meathead to friend: Yo, you ever ride the monorail from here? It goes from Jamaica to da airports, it's a pretty cool trip just to see. We should take it quick, you wanna?
Friend: Yo, bro, we're on a train, you want me to detour all the way to JFK so you can ride the fucking monorail? Yo, how homo are you?

–LIRR

Overheard by: rick

Posted on June 21, 2015
Comebacks, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Meatheads, Public Transportation, Trains Not Subway, Travel

I Was Raised on Baby Mojitos

Fat queer to lady with baby in carrier: Oooh! That’s the kind of job I want. Get carried around all day and sleep whenever you want!
Baby daddy: Yeah! And suck on boobies all day!
Fat queer: Ewww!

–York St station

Posted on June 18, 2015
Comebacks, Compliments, Dads, Default, Fat People, Queer guys, Rack, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Wishes & desires

The British Ghetto in Texas?

20-something male with slight accent: Man, this is bloody annoying.
Middle aged male: You know, I've been meaning to ask. Are you British?
20-something male with slight accent: I'm from Texas, you wanker.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Locational

Posted on June 17, 2015
Central Park, Comebacks, Foreigners, Guys, Insults, Language Barrier, Questions

…You Marvin-the-Martian Motherfuckers

Girl #1: You're making me very mad.
Boy: Well, you're making me very sad.
Girl #2: Both of you shut the fuck up right now.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on June 16, 2015
Boys, Comebacks, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Insults, Queens

What’s That? You Have a Bomb?

Tourist girl to friend: Oh my god, people are totally going to know we’re from Boston when they hear our accents!
Guy sweeping cigarette butts: No, people are going to know you’re from Boston when they hear you freak out and call the bomb squad over one of our electronic ads.

–49th & 9th

Overheard by: guy who dropped a couple of the cigarette butts