Girl #1: So, I watched that movie Thirteen the other night. It was awesome.
Girl #2: Yeah, that was a really good movie. The girls in that movie were so mature for 13-year-olds. When I was 13, I didn’t even know what an ovary was!
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Suit #1: It’s not that I don’t like golf, but it is so similar to croquet, yet everyone makes fun of me for playing croquet!
Suit #2: Well, maybe it is because it’s an old lady’s sport.
Suit #1: Well, then goddammit — old ladies sure know how to have fun!
–59th & Broadway
Girl #1: Yeah, I got a fake ID yesterday at 42nd Street.
Girl #2: Oh my god, let me see!
Girl #3: Yeah, I wanna see, too!
Girl #1: No way. We’re not passing it around. I’m not sketchy like that.
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Conductor: Attention, everyone, we are not interviewing for train conductors! Stop trying to control the doors — that’s my job. We are, however, seeking passengers. Please enter the train and sit down to be interviewed for that position.
–1 train, 125th St
Overheard by: Jeff McCrum
Clearly intoxicated girl: I decided to go from working to doing a lot of drugs…
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: ADA
20-something: You know, I’m just lucky I have a job at all! I mean, I did go to state school!
–Morton & Hudson
Overheard by: Sam
Emo teen, running taking pictures: See, this is why I got fired from American Apparel — because I would come into work acting like this!
–Vanessa’s Dumplings, E 14th & 3rd
Overheard by: Maggie Elisabeth
Lady on a Bluetooth: Girl, you’ve got CEO dreams with a McDonald’s work ethic.
–W 60th St, between Columbus & Broadway
Loud man to loud friends: It was just him running around getting punched in his codpiece and yelling, ‘You killed my father.’ Yeah, I think he has a new job now.
–109th & Amsterdam
Guy #1: So yeah, I fucked her, man… It was great.
Guy #2: Good to know, man.
Guy #1: And know what’s better?
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I fuckin’ hate her!
Guy #2: Sweet, man!
Guy #1: I know!
–30th & 3rd
Overheard by: AMH
Chick #1: … But think about it — if we have so many bananas, like, in the supermarket and everything, then where are all the monkeys?
Chick #2: You are so right.
Chick #1: I mean, it’s true — shouldn’t they be here, where the bananas are?
Chick #2: That is so deep.
Chick #1: We should stop smoking weed.
–69th & CPW
Dude #1: It smells like a Petland in here.
Dude #2: Yeah, it does in a weird sort of way.
–Citibank ATM, 25th St & Park Ave S
Overheard by: Marla
Tourist girl: Oh, crap, is that Rosie O’Donnell over there?! [Whips out phone camera.]Tourist guy: Well, it’s either her, or a 300-pound biker with a bad haircut.
–34th & Broadway
Kid #1: You’re mad short, haha.
Kid #2: Shut up! I know I’m short! I haven’t grown at all! The only thing that grew was my dick!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: A.K.
Headline by: KMW
Runners-Up:
· “And Somewhere in America, Mary Kay Letourneau’s Ears Prick Up” – Sara
· “Everyone in Dwarf Porn Goes through This Moment” – M
· “I’m a Little Teapot, 2.0” – Duncan Pflaster
· “Whatchu Talkin’ About, Willis?” – Molly
Girl: Well, she was clearly hurt. Her eye swelled up like a monkey’s vagina!
Guy: What? Like a monkey’s vagina?
Girl: Yeah, when they’re in heat.
Guy: Ohhh… Only monkeys’ vaginas swell?
–Elevator, 101st & Broadway
